Sam-Is-Mad

Sam Gets Spammed

2012-01-24T17:12:00.001+11:00

As most of you would know, I got spammed a while back. I picked it up within minutes - it turns out emailing the Chinese Embassy about their human rights abuses has more benefits than just letting them know that there is an international presence watching over the way they treat their citizens.

I got a lot of emails back about it - mostly people letting me know that someone had hacked into my account, but a few people wanted to know what the photos were of. My sister opened it, thinking it was pictures of my trip, and then sent to everyone an email saying that I was a big fat meanie for not mass emailing everyone that I got spammed. Silly me. I thought one spam email was enough.

Anyway, the funniest email I got in reply was from Kushbu - who asked me why the heck I was sending her photos, given that she's blind. Which made me laugh a bit. Guess those spammers can't get us all!

Kallie and the Homeless Dude

2012-01-17T19:51:00.002+11:00

Kallie was standing near the train station, and this homeless dude came up to her, pressed 50c into her hand, and said, “It won’t buy you much, but you can have it.”

That’s right, Kallie got GIVEN money by a homeless guy!

She did try to give it back, but he rejected it and laughed.

The funny thing is, she and Stephen had seen him the night before, and he was begging, and asked them for change so he could buy a pie. Stephen isn’t the fondest of giving money to beggars, so he offered to give them some of Kallie’s groceries. But in the end they gave him enough money to buy his pie and… a million dollars.

Okay, it was a million dollar tract.

The guy thought it was the BEST. He thought it was one of the most hilarious things he’s ever seen. Kal’s not sure if he can read it, but he’s now apparently going around showing all his friends. So Stephen’s managed to get a homeless guy to witness to all his friends.

And to give Kal his spare change.

Got my Nails Done

2012-01-10T15:19:00.002+11:00

So, a while ago, I got my nails done. It makes you feel pretty, and I needed it. You see, in Uganda I had boys literally throwing themselves at me and declaring their undying love. I got hit on more in one day than I would have pretty much in the rest of my life put together. And back in my teenage days, I got hit on a fair bit.

And I cam back here. One of my friends at work (who's half African) pointed out that while African guys will always compliment, Aussie guys make you work for their compliments.

I laughed. "I've got it worse. I mostly hang out with Chinese boys. They won't even tell you when you look good... Only when you don't!"

Hence the nails.

Sam looks pretty now!

Most Common African Conversation

2012-01-03T15:08:00.002+11:00

Hey, Hi, Mzungu, can I walk with you?

Um, Sure.

Mzungu, what is your name?

My name's Sam.

Sam? That is a BOY'S name.

Well, in Mzungu countries, it is a girl's name too.

So, Mzungu, Sam. I want to be your friend. So you can give me your phone number, and I will phone you, and we will have lunch tomorrow.

I don't have a phone.

But... how do your friends find you?

They know where I am.

But, what if they want to SPEAK to you.

Then they have to wait.

You should get a phone.

I'm only in Uganda for 3 weeks. I'm not getting a phone.

Hmm. I know! I will give you MY number, and then you can phone me, and then we can have lunch tomorrow.

Well, you can give me your phone number, but I won't phone it, because I don't have a phone.

You could borrow someone else's phone to phone me.

That's not going to happen.

You know, Mzungu, Sam, you are very beautiful. Are you single, or are you married.

I'm single. I'm also not looking, because I'm only here for 3 weeks.

But... every girl wants to get married!

I would like to have the option of knowing a guy for more than three weeks before marriage. He might not want the same things as what I want. Besides (with the aim of messing with minds) what do I need a boy for?

Children.

I'll just adopt.

But... mzungu...

Oh, here's the (school, compound, etc). See you later!

Quote of the Day

2011-12-27T11:34:00.000+11:00

At my staff meeting appraisal, we were talking about how there will now be a staff pack because some staff (and lots of relievers) are dressing inappropriately.

My statement:

Modesty: I'm got it covered.

I Think His Definition of Safe Is Different Than Mine

2011-12-20T16:26:00.002+11:00

After church a few weeks ago, Keith took Kal and I to see The Immortals. It was ok. I mean, sure, the acting was pretty bad, and the main point of it was the graphics, but it was fun.

Anyways, in the car ride there, Keith just gets out his electric shaver and starts shaving. WHILE DRIVING.

"I need to multi-task more," he told us.

"By SHAVING in the CAR?"

"Well, I used to talk on the phone, but I need something safer."

Funnies From Africa

2011-12-13T16:12:00.004+11:00

My Top class were learning the 12 days of Christmas for their concert. Several of them didn’t quite understand the lyrics, and were quite convinced that it was 10 lords a SLEEPING.

When I told Abby that I was going to eat her up, she told me very seriously, “You can’t eat people. You can’t eat the skin. So you have to pull the skin off and THEN you can eat people.”

Amaya retold the story of Bluebeard from a personal perspective: “If your friend is evil, and he kills all your best friends, and you grow up and marry him, he will kill you.”

Support Bushikori Over Christmas

2011-12-06T16:10:00.002+11:00

If you are looking for Christmas cards that support the spread of the gospel and helping those in difficult circumstances (especially widows and orphans) then look no further! Bushikori Christian Centre in Uganda are selling Christmas cards.

Card 4

Card 2

To see the full range, visit this page of the Bushikori website.

If you want to order some, either leave a comment, email Sam, or speak to her. Alternatively you can order directly from Bushikori (details on the website). For those who want more information on Bushikori, the work it does, or how to further support Bushikori, again, get in contact with Sam.

A Published Zoologist Speaks

2011-11-21T11:04:00.000+11:00

Kal and I were talking about unicorns, with Kal saying that everyone was going to say that she was a unicorn and that all the unicorns died out in Noah’s flood.

“Na-ha,” I said. “The Bible says that all the animals got on the ark. Two of each kind, one boy, one girl.”

“Yeah, and then they turned into whales.”

“Um, not that I believe in it, but I don’t think that’s how evolution works.”

Here's one for when I'm away!

2011-11-15T15:11:00.001+11:00

Was talking with Shaun between prayer and service, and I mentioned that they all are permanently damagin my blog with their PHDs. I then mentioned that I'm going ot have way more degree than any of them - I have 2 already, and next year I'm going to do a dip ed in early childhood. When it comes to degrees, I'm going for quantity.

So I told him I was going to have like a million degrees and he'd still be doing his PHD.

"No way," he said. "You could only get a million degrees if you went to the sun."

Miss me yet?

Gone!

2011-11-05T16:14:00.000+11:00

I have GONE... to Uganda!

I am back on the 27th...

Please pray for me at this time.

Psalm 67
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm. A song.
1 May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine on us—[b]
2 so that your ways may be known on earth,
your salvation among all nations.

3 May the peoples praise you, God;
may all the peoples praise you.
4 May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you rule the peoples with equity
and guide the nations of the earth.
5 May the peoples praise you, God;
may all the peoples praise you.

6 The land yields its harvest;
God, our God, blesses us.
7 May God bless us still,
so that all the ends of the earth will fear him.

On the Way to Church

2011-10-30T14:57:00.003+11:00

Kallie has started going to church early for intercessory prayer. So she leaves the house around seven and goes to Auntie Pansy's house, who then drives her.

Today, on the way, Kal came across a possum roadkill. And she noticed that there was a "fluff ball" waiting next to it. The fluffball then ran over to Kallie, then back to the roadkill.

The fluff-ball was a little baby possum.

So Kallie caught it with her jacket and brought it home. She then phoned the wildlife people, and they told us to take it to the vet and they would pick it up from there.

So we did.

Then we went to church.

We were still there before pre-service prayer started, which I thought was a pretty good effort.

Permanent Blog Damage

2011-10-24T16:08:00.002+11:00

This year has been kind of light blogging-wise on Sam-Is-Mad. My other blog has been posting more and more frequently (I'm now scheduling posts daily, and am currently 1 month in advance, which is on purpose, because I'm going away.) I'm even managing to post more often on the NOW FULLY APPROVED missions blog. But S-I-M... not so much.

Most of this is simple. My friends are all getting older. And certain people are bigger contributers to the insanity that is S-I-M than others. (Joab immediately comes to mind here.) But the problem is this... most of my main funny people are doing the dreaded PHD.

It's not enough for them that they are getting Permanent Head Damage, they are making blogging funny stuff so much harder. Joab, Shaun, Kallie, you all make me sad. Except Kallie. She's still funny. But most of her funny is in-jokes or inappropriate for general reading.

Please, please finish your PHDs soon. I need to get over this blog damage. It makes me sad.

Not A Great Day

2011-10-19T18:03:00.002+11:00

I've included the first names of most people here, with the exception of those who come off badly and those in direct authority. In one case, they are the same person. Everyone mentioned by name and the manager of the centre was brilliant in all stages of this event.

It's been rather stressful recently at work. My team-leader continues to be a nasty person, the issues with the now-quit (thankfully) breaks cover were imaginabily bigger than I thought (and I thought he was a crazy b*st*rd), and we have been given a whole lot of new children all at once.

So I sent in a letter requesting a room change. I am not working with my crazy, b*tch of a room leader for a minute more than I have to.

To give you an idea of what she's like, I'll tell you about our beautiful day today.

Nicholas came in for lunch, very quiet and withdrawn. He had a few mouthfuls, then went back onto the verranda. He became clingy and cried silently. Katherine brought him inside and checked his temp. Normal.

Erin came through at this time, and also noticed that Nick was not himself. She has dealt with Nicholas having alergic reactions before, so she got him to stick out his tongue. Swollen. We start giving Nick fluids (because his parents insist each time that he's not having an allergic reaction, he's just dehydrated, so they give him water and panadol).

The team leader (TL from now on) decides that this is a great time to order me to leave Erin with Nick (even though he's having an alergic reaction) and HELP HER WITH THE CLEANING.

Instead, I phone all three of the numbers I have for his parents, and can't get through on any of them. Each phone call leads to a worse statement of Nick's stats. By the end of the third, he's having trouble breathing, so Nicole goes to get his epi-pen. I phone our manager to phone for an ambulance. Erin holds Nick, Nicole tries to administer the epi-pen, but can't because her hands are too sweaty and shaky. I give him his epi-pen. It takes until the count of 5 before he can breat well enough to cry. The manager has come in by then, and she and Erin take Nick to the office while Nicole goes out to flag down the ambulance.

And my TL? She keeps on cleaning.

Katherine and I run about, helping get the other children into bed (a reliever was outside with the rest of the children, except those in bed), and getting together all of Nick's belongings. TL keeps on cleaning. Except to ask Katherine if she can stop getting Nick's things, and can instead help with the cleaning.

Katherine ignored her.

Shortly later (just before the ambo's arrived), TL wanted Nicole (who was outside to FLAG THEM DOWN SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO SEARCH FOR THE PLACE) to come back inside, so we can "get back on schedule". "It's not like he'll be by himself," she said. I told her I didn't think so.

Nick's mum arrived, and she went with him in the ambulance. TL then went off for 40 minutes to cry about it, while everyone who actually did anything, held the room together at least until it was their lunchtime.

I have honestly never been so ANGRY at anyone in my life!

Priorities! Nick could have DIED! And she was more concerned about sweeping rice off the floor. I am absolutely disgusted.

Nick is fine, btw. Nicole is the most shaken by the experience. I am too angry to be shaken. I have my meeting with the manager about my request to change rooms tomorrow, and believe me, this is going to be mentioned.

2011-10-10T10:25:00.000+11:00

Reader Poll

2011-09-28T17:18:00.005+10:00

So, what do you think I look like?

Fill in the poll (above and to the right) with your answer! And feel free to leave a comment!

Stephen the Giant Killer

2011-09-21T10:36:00.001+10:00

Stephen was over, and there was a fly in the house. (No, Stephen was not the fly.)

The fly flew out of Kallie's cupboard, where it had been hiding, and settled on the floor by my room. Kallie shreiked to Stephen to kill the fly. So he stomped on it.

With his BARE FEET.

GROSS!

For some strange reason he didn't understand why we weren't impressed.

Kallie made him wash his feet, and sprayed them with disinfectant.

Stephen spent the next 20 minutes soliliquising about his feat of amazing daring.

GROSS!

Put On Your Happy Face

2011-09-09T11:54:00.002+10:00

So last Wednesday I went home early feeling sick. I made it through lunch with the kids (the chaos time) and then left.

At lunch, Flick looked at me and said, "Sam, SAAHM, where is your happy face SAAHM?"

I told her my happy face needed panadol.

(Not strictly true, all my faces are non-responsive to panadol except my fever face. My happy face needed Nurofen).

So I went home, took Nurofen, went to bed, got up, and realised I only had 2 nurofens left.

So I took them, and headed out to buy more.

On the way I saw... Haison, who works nearby. I waved, because in my doped up state I thought, "Oh, random Asian I think I know. Must be from church." Two steps on, I realised that that was HAISON.

Thank goodness my happy face had plenty of nurofen, because otherwise, it might have been my angry, punching face he would have seen.

On the bright side, he didn't recognise me. After all, he hasn't seen me since before I got glasses, let alone a head-covering.

And that, my friends, is a good reason to have a Happy Face.

Mistaken for a Jew

2011-09-03T15:21:00.000+10:00

I’ve recently been convicted about wearing head coverings. Mine don’t completely cover the head, and Kallie found it hilarious that my first religious head coverings come from the store “Diva”, which is not exactly known for its modest accessories.

Anyways, I’ve been wearing them pretty much all the time, and had been for 3 days when on Friday evening I went done to Trampoline for some delicious ice-cream (they make dairy free stuff too).

The girl who served me has seen me there several times, but today she was extra friendly, and at the end said that she hoped I had a great dinner with my family.

I said I had ice-cream now, so of course I would.

I was not having dinner with my family, and I wondered why she would say that. I got halfway down the street when I realised… she thought I was a Jew wearing a head-covering because I was having a Sabbath meal! (My area has a very large Jewish population. So much so that when parents ask me where I live, their next question is, “Are you Jewish? I didn’t realise.”)

I thought it was hilarious.

Not Exactly, Meggie

2011-08-31T15:20:00.000+10:00

I was changing a display on our walls, and a few of the kids asked me what I was doing. My standard response whenever they ask me what I’m doing is: “What do you think I’m doing?” because they usually know, they just want to make conversation, and it gets them using their expressive language.
So when Meggie looked at me and said “What are you doing?” I said, “What do you think I’m doing?”

She thought about it for a second, and said, “You’re up there so we can’t reach you.”
I nearly fell off my ladder for laughing. Guess she would have reached me then!

Puritans and Philistines

2011-08-28T16:34:00.000+10:00

On the way to prayer I spent some time reading a book on the puritans. They’re interesting, and underrated (even if difficult reads) .

So I got there and people wanted to know what I was reading. I would just flash them the cover, then go back to the book.

Shaun looked at it and asked, “Who are the puritans?”

I explained that they were the English Reformers who strove for greater purity within the church and their personal lives, and sought to bring all aspects of living under the command of Scripture.

I also said that if someone calls you a puritan now days, they probably don’t mean it as a compliment. They mean that you’re a killjoy.

“So they’re different from the Philistines then?”

New Lego Play-Set - UK Edition

2011-08-25T11:03:00.001+10:00

Matches and petrol sold separately, Facebook and Twitter accounts not included.

Thanks Step for emailing them to me.

Thanks Keith

2011-08-22T12:24:00.003+10:00

Because of the KFC Father's Day item, I come into the main service late, so I get to hang out at the back of the church. Just like school, the back of the hall is where all the dodgies hang out. I fit right in.

When communion came round, Keith (head of all dodginess) said that we should go forward and make sure they didn't miss us. I think he's been missed before. I, on the other hand, have been at the back for a few weeks and have not been missed once. I guess the communion servers realise that I need all the help I can get.

Besides, I'm allergic to half of the communion, and I told Keith so.

"Yeah, I bet it's not the cup. You'd never be giving that up."

At Least I'm Still A Mammal

2011-08-15T16:36:00.002+10:00

After corporate prayer, I was chatting to Y-Kong. In the conversation, I mentioned that I was a moody cow.

"Huh?"

Kal and I then explained to him that this is a general insult for moody people, particularly moody females.

He looked at me and said, "Well, I got the moody bit. But not the cow bit. I mean, you look much more like a rabbit."

Zoe and her Music

2011-08-11T14:21:00.002+10:00

One of the most important things that I do is that I refuse to play kids music at work. The Toddler room is a Wiggles-free zone. We play real music to the kids. And they start developing preferences pretty soon.

So when I came in I went to put on some music. I asked Zoe wha she wanted. "Gee."

"Beatles or Fleetwood Mac?"

"Or Gee."

"We could have the Everley Brothers."

"Or Gee for Kids."

"The Beatles are really cool."

"Gee for Kids."

"Fine, we'll put on Glee."

Next week, I gave her the choice of Beatles or Fleetwood Mac again. "Gee?"

"No Glee today. I don't feel like Glee."

Zoe thought about it, then made her choice. "Beatles." So they went on.

As she usually does, Zoe stood in the home-corner where the CD player was and listened for a moment. Then she looked at me and sighed, "It's wonderful."

Car! Car!

2011-08-03T17:02:00.003+10:00

I came into work today, and was, as usual, greeted by several of the children, including Thalia. The rest soon went back to their activities, but Thalia didn't. She looked at me and said, "Car, car!"

"Honey, you know I catch the bus."

"Car! Car!"

Then she grabbed my legs, and started lifting up my skirt.

Now, the good thing about childcare is it's pretty much all females as far as the adults go. And I wear stockings AND leggings under my skirt. But it's still disconcerting to have your skirt lifted by a two year old. So I told her to quit it.

"Car, car!" Thalia insisted.

"No, that is my skirt, not a car, and you don't lift up a girl's skirt. It's bad manners."

I walked away from her, putting away some of the things I had brought in from home. And I felt something banging at the back of my thighs. I twisted around, and saw this flash of red metal.

One of them had attached a toy car to my skirt!

I cut it off and gave it to Thalia, appologising, who promptly took the car. It was what she wanted anyway.

Well, it was an interesting start to the morning.

That Explains It

2011-07-29T14:25:00.000+10:00

The children often tell me where their parents are. "My daddy's at work," is obviously the most common one. But sometimes we get some surprises...

Thalia looked at me and told me that her daddy was at work.

"Oh, and where's your mummy?" I asked.

"She's shopping."

Jude then told me that his daddy was at work, "making money". Thalia said, "My daddy's got money."

"Oh, who else has got money in your family."

"Me. And my doggy."

"What about your mummy?" I asked.

"No," said Thalia, like I was some kind of crazy. "My mummy goes shopping."

Another 9, and I'll have my 20...

2011-07-16T11:37:00.003+10:00

Most people know that I want 20 children. Yes, I accept I'm mad, but I do. I don't expect for all of these kids to be bio kids - I always wanted to adopt, from before I was 10.

But I recently aquired another sponsor kids.

I was at Chadestone, getting some baskets for work, when this random African guy came up to me, grabbed me by the arm, and said: "If you sponsor a child, will you feel good? Yes! You will feel good!"

Well, who's going to argue with that?

I now have a girl called Judy from Malawi through Plan.

Poor Joash. He's my only boy.

Next time I'm accosted by people in a shopping centre I'll ask for a boy. Because who can argue with feeling good?

How to Pick Up Jane...

2011-07-13T17:30:00.003+10:00

Michelle and I are in charge of the bookstall. This makes for occasional odd conversations, because Michelle is slightly odd, and I'm... well... mad (this is Sam-Is-Mad, after all).

So we were standing there, not really selling books, when Michelle brought out her favourite book and forbade me to sell it. Because the author (who appeared on the cover) was so hot.

I looked at her as though she was mad. Because that author was not hot.

"Besides Michelle, isn't that a wedding ring on his finger?"

"So?"

She flipped open the book and noticed it's dedication: to Anna.

"Who is this Anna?" she asked indignantly.

"I'm guessing it's his wife," I said.

"But he's so good looking," complained Michelle.

Jane, who was browsing the books, consoled Michelle. "It's alright. The boys I think are cutest are married."

"Jane!" I said. I was shocked. I mean, Michelle and I are not leaders at church. I mean, I'm not even JG. Jane is a leader (I think).

"Who?" Michelle wanted to know.

"Steven Curtis Chapman and Jim Eliott," she said.

"Jim Eliott is not only married, he's dead. And he wasn't even that good looking when he was alive."

"He was definitely the best looking out of the Ecuadorian martyrs. The others just weren't that good looking. So I like him best."

Oddly enough, that entirely made sense to me.

Celtic Festival

2011-07-02T10:16:00.002+10:00

As most of you are aware, every year I go the the Portarlington Celtic festival. My dad lives down there, so it's easy for me to go and stay for the whole long weekend.

It was tons of fun!

No photos, because my camera battery died. Incidentally, if anyone can charge batteries for an Olypus camera, I would love to borrow your charger! Mine got taken by the thieves.

There were tons of great bands and performers, lots of food (I could even eat! GF/CF alternatives are great!) and plenty of items for sale on all things Celtic and lots of other random things.

I bought 7 CDs, mostly of harpist, and am planning to go see Claymore live at Spenser St on the 23rd of July. Think of the band as a Celtic rock band with Billy Connerly as the lead singer, and Alan Rickman as lead guitarist, along with a digeridoo and other instruments.

Someone threw haggis-flavoured instant noodles at a crowd. I am amazed that anyone would want one. They also had haggis bugers for sale. Gross.

However, the quote of the festival has to go to my brother, JW: "Bagpipes are evil. I mean, any instrument that gets played by your armpit must be destroyed."

Sketchbook Project!

2011-06-16T13:44:00.003+10:00

One of my sketchbook projects is available online! Check it out!

In Flight

I'm such an awesome artist!

I Gave That Up Years Ago

2011-06-06T14:00:00.002+10:00

I was busy trying to give away books when Shaun came up to me, very apologetic. "I forgot about your birthday!"

It's all right, he's not the only one. Though so far he is the only one to apologise for it.

I got him a present at his birthday, and when I was trying to find out what he wanted, his response was "the same thing every 25 year old male wants".

Turns out, they want comic books.

So I responded to his question about what I wanted with "the same thing every 27 year old female wants."

His response...

"Dignity?"

Why, Yes, He Does!

2011-06-03T14:39:00.002+10:00

Jude got to go home sick. What he had was very contagious, so we were keeping him away from the other kids, on the verranda. As a treat he was looking through my photo frame. (The photos do change on a semi-regular basis, just so as you know.) Georgie was tidying the next verranda, and laughing at Jude (because he's so funny and awesome.)

"Hey look! It's Hope!" he said excitedly.

"Yep, that's my church's logo. Hope church."

Jude flicked to the next picture. "Look, it's Ps Ian!"

"You're right, that is Ps Ian."

"He's SINGING," said Jude in awe.

"He's preaching I think."

"Oh, preaching."

"Look Georgie, it's Ps Ian!"

"Wow, Ps Ian," echoed Georgie.

Jude smiled at her, and let her know one essential Ps Ian fact. "He's got HAIR."

Disgusting

2011-05-28T11:22:00.002+10:00

Shaun gave Kal, me, and Charlie (who lives kinda near us) a lift back from prayer on Tuesday. I couldn't believe that he hadn't heard pretty much all of the songs on my CD - the boy lived in Scotland!

Which led to the Portarlington Celtic Festival coming up.

Which led to Haggis.

Which is disgusting.

Shaun tried to convince me (a vegetarian!) to bring him back some haggis.

I told him he was welcome to come up and use my mum's ticket (because she probably won't actually go), but I AM NOT BRINGING HAGGIS BACK IN MY LUGGAGE.

Haggis. Disgusting!

Random Funnies From the Life of Sam

2011-05-10T12:48:00.002+10:00

Michelle clearly hasn't been around modern toys
I was going with Michelle to Koorong for the church bookstall. I get to go because I buy over half the books we sell. Anyways, a song about money came on. Michelle said that she wouldn't mind having some more money.

"Me either. Then I could buy an orphan."

"You can't just buy orphans Sam."

"Why not?"

"They are not toys."

Me pretending to be confused: "But... aren't all people toys?"

"No. Some people are annoying.

Finally, there is someone at church buffer than me
I was helping with the pack up after church, and carried one of the tables to the trailer. Then Dhany told me that I shouldn't be carrying things like that because they are too heavy. I told him it wasn't that heavy, I can carry lots because I am white and white people have more muscles than Asians. I then gestured to all of the boys who were helping pack up - pretty much proving my point.

Dhany then said, "You know what we could do? We could get two Asian guys to carry something. And then we could get Leon to carry them."

Well, both those people groups are in Africa...I was upstairs in the staffroom at work, when Georgie asked me what my CD was, and was for. I told her all about it. (They are now selling for $10.)

She looked at me and said, "You should become a mercanary."

I laughed. What can I say. Us white people are scary, what with our big muscles and all.

"Oh wait," she said. "I meant a missionary. They're different."

Coming Soon...

2011-05-03T17:08:00.003+10:00

Probably Too Much Information...

2011-04-04T13:33:00.003+10:00

My hair needs washing every 5 days at the moment. I'm trying to get it to stretch because washing my hair (especially now that it is getting longer again) over winter is more than a pain - it's a health hazard. Result, every few weeks I let it go an extra day or so without washing. When it gets used to that, I then go an extra day.

So when Sunday morning rocked around, my hair slightly needed to be washed.

Normally I wear my hair out on a Sunday, but I wasn't having that! So I put it in two pig-tails and then made them into buns with scrunchies. Kallie said that I looked "Like a cute anime girl".

Christina commented that she liked my hair, and was wondering how I did it. I told her, but then added that it kept on coming out.

"Is that because you aren't pulling the scrunchies tight enough?"

"No, it's because I didn't was my hair recently enough."

Declare War On France For The Antartic

2011-03-29T17:19:00.003+11:00

A while ago, I was watching Shakleton, and Stephen came over half-way through. This lead to an intense discussion from Kal and I about different Antartic explorers, and how clearly Shakleton is better than Scott because HE DIDN'T DIE ON EXPEDITION. Which is generally a mark of a good explorer.

Stephen had no idea. He may even think there are polar bears in the Antartic.

This mean that we needed to get out the map of Antartica. And look at it! Australia owns most of it. As it should be.

But look at all the other countries with parts of it. I mean, I can understand England having a chunk - I'm part English. And so was Shakleton (and Scott). Even Norway. I mean, Admundsen WAS the first to the pole.

But France?!

And look - their piece breaks my piece in half.

I want Antartica. I suggest that we declare war on France for it. It's not like they're good fighters - we'll win easily. And then I will be able to rest calmly in the knowledge that Australia has the biggest bit of Antartica, and that our bit isn't broken up by a nation that eats snails.

Hilarious!

2011-03-25T08:46:00.000+11:00

I'm not exactly sure that's right...

2011-03-23T15:45:00.000+11:00

We were outside, and Kleio had taken off one of her shoes. "You can't go around with one shoe off and one shoe on Kleio. That's CRAZY!" I said.

"Crazy boy!" Kleio said happily.

"No, Kelio, you're a girl, so you're a crazy girl." I told her. "I'm a girl too, so I'm a crazy girl. What do you think Paris is?"

"Crazy girl?"

"No, Paris is a boy, so he's a crazy boy."

With that, Jude felt the need to add his ever-hilarious two-cents. "Dad's a boy," he told me in a confiding tone.

"My Dad's a boy too. What's your Mummy?"

Jude thought about it for a second, and said, "Mummy's a pirate."

Breaking into C-Block

2011-03-21T15:21:00.000+11:00

It's amazing what I get up to on a Sunday. After church, we have sometimes have Christian Development School, or CDS. Because I'm not a big fan of socialising, I was one of the earlier people to get over to the C-Block. And when I was there, I found Uncle Paul and Joab waiting (not particularly patiently) while Chiew was getting the key.

Now, in case you didn't know this, Joab is extremely bad at waiting.

So he was trying to climb in the window. He was also failing miserably. I decided to have a go. After all, other than being sick, climbing through windows I wasn't supposed to was what I did in primary school. Sometimes I even had to climb up drainpipes to do it. But I was wearing a skirt, and couldn't quite do it.

Joab, by this time, absolutely can't stand it. So he goes to his car and gets an umbrella and trys to hook a chair and bring it through the gap in the window. Uncle Paul and I are both laughing at this, because there is NO WAY a chair was going to fit through that gap.

Joab eventually gives up on that idea, and looks at the chain holding the window at the right degree of open-ness. "If I had a screw-driver, I could unhook it, then we could lift out the chair, and Sam would be able to get through the window and let us in."

"Yes, but that really would be breaking and entering, and not just climbing through a window," said Uncle Paul.

After a few moments of watching Joab dance around because he's really impatient, I decide to put him out of his misery. No, I didn't shoot him. I rolled a boulder over to the window and used that to climb in.

What can I say? My years in primary school were well spent, and I think I actually have more patience than a leader in our church, even if that leader is Joab.

Gold Digger

2011-03-19T15:10:00.000+11:00

Obviously, at work I am in charge of the CD player. That means, no kids music. Because I believe that the Bible would declare that virtually all kids music is clearly inspired by the evil one.

Which means we listen to awesome stuff. Like "glee".

So this is what I had the kids dancing to.

What's funny is that some of the kids were doing full on booty dancing, or up against a wall dancing, or other inappropriate things. I'd do a demo, but, really, it was inappropriate. Which meant that every single one of us staff members was in absolute STITCHES.

I love glee.

Police Get Jude

2011-03-17T13:14:00.001+11:00

I've written about Jude before, and he is the most hilarious child. I was playing with him, when the burgular alarm next door went off.

"Siren!" He said.

"Yep," I confirmed.

"Police! Police coming! Police coming get Jude!" (He seemed more excited that upset at this thought.)

"Why are the police coming to get you Jude?" I asked.

"Jude SPEEDING. Mummy, Daddy's car. Speeding! Vrooom!" And with that he sped away.

And then, the next week, Jude came in with a massive scab over his nose. "How'd you get that Jude?"

"Jude SPEEDING!"

I Want One

2011-03-15T13:13:00.000+11:00

Everyone at church wants a baby next year. Normally I'd be all for this - I mean, babies! But their motivation leaves a little to be desired.

You see, they want to have "dragon babies".

That's right. Everyone in my church wants to time their babies by Chinese star signs.

It's kind of ridiculous. I mean, you don't catch Kal and I planning which month we're going to have our babies in so that they fit Western star signs. Because they are a load of nonsense, and pagan nonsense at that. Chinese star signs are also a load of nonsense, and pagan nonsenese at that. They just last a whole year.

Anyways, everyone wants a dragon baby. Apparently they are "auspicious".

Also, apparently they are hard to get into schools.

Kallie asked Freedy why they were hard to get into schools, and he told her it was because they were "auspicious".

Still trying to figure that one out.

But really, I just want a dragon baby of my own. Kallie said that's because I just want a baby, and I'd be happy to have a dung beetle baby if that was the one on offer next year.

A dung-beetle baby sounds cute.

But a DRAGON baby - well, that's auspicious.

Now, to get the boy I like to want an auspicious dragon baby with me.

Lack of Blogging

2011-03-02T08:03:00.002+11:00

Sorry bout that guys. But I'm back on gluten for testing and I feel really ill. I don't think I look great either, even if I've been told otherwise.

So basically, I've bitten off all my nails, scratched my arm til it bled (just once), and have had lots of fun times with my stomache. My test is tomorrow.

Please pray.

Everyone Makes A Christmas CD

2011-02-15T18:23:00.003+11:00

Proof in point - Art Garfunkel. Seriously. I mean, the guy is Jewish, and I don't think that religious. But he has a Christmas album The Animals Christmas.

It's actually ok, and what's more, my kinder teacher from when I was a kinder kid clearly loves Artie too, because one of the songs written for the album (which would have been 2 years before I started kinder) have been sung at EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS CONCERT at my kinder since FOREVER. At least since I went there.

There's probably even a video of me as a dove singing about how I cooed baby Jesus to sleep. I was given that part because I was always climbing things, and the doves had to be up "high". (The other year I was an angel - the lead one I think.)

So, as everyone makes a Christmas CD, I will too at some point. As in, probably around June. It just seems appropriate.

No dove songs though.

CD

2011-02-14T07:10:00.004+11:00

For those of you who don't know, I used to sing. I was ok, but I improved when I got to 19 years old. My voice just matured. Of course, by then I was no longer in any choirs or anything.

Anyways, I sponsor a few children through Bushikori. And in May they are having a fundraiser night. I thought about what I could give, and eventually came up with the idea of making a CD.

So last Saturday I recorded 12 songs at Adam's place.

When I say 12 songs, I mean more than 50 tracks over 7 hours. Yes, my throat was sore afterwards.

Adam is now editing it so I sound better.

I listened back and I actually don't sound too bad. Although I strongly suspect Dannny Boy is going to be terrible. Anyone have any ideas on traditional songs that I could sing to replace it?

Plan is to sell them at the night for $10 each, and to sell them either in person and or on my blogs for the same price (though the blogs would also cost postage). The centre would also be able to sell through their site.

To put it in perspective, if I sell 8 CDs, that sponsors a child through them for 3 months.

So, get ready to buy some CDs of me singing!

PS - On a completely unrelated note - Hi Amy! We miss you! And actually, going GF is easier than I thought!

Hey Jude

2011-02-05T08:56:00.002+11:00

We have a new kid called Jude, and he's pretty cool. He talks non-stop, which is nice because most of our children are still non-talkers. Anyways, he's massively in love with our little Chinese girl, Ky-An.

We were putting him to sleep, and he kept on pointing to Ky-An and saying, "Hair! Black hair! Big black hair!" (Ky-An has a bit of a mohawk thing happening). Then he started trying to grab it. We were definitely not allowing that - Ky-An was asleep!

"Well, at least we know what kind of girl you're going to be marrying," I said.

Jude pointed to Ky-An "Her!"

The next day, Jude and Ky-An are lying on their beds and Jude goes over and starts hugging Ky-An. He's a bit bigger than her, and she started looking a bit concerned, because he's not the most gentle child.

"Hey Jude," I say (because I say this at every opportunity). "We know you love Ky-An, but it's time for you to be on your bed and Ky-An to be on hers and for you both to be going to sleep."

"She's hot!" Jude said, and went back to his bed.

What I've Been Doing While Not Blogging

2011-01-28T08:04:00.004+11:00

Sewing all these badges on my brother's Scout blanket.

Must tend to my bleeding fingers now.

Too Funny Not To Post

2011-01-27T15:46:00.002+11:00

Right on so many levels.
From Mallard Fillmore

Gluten Free

2011-01-27T07:12:00.002+11:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been gluten free this month, and a week into the month my dr said that I was probably coeliac. I can honestly say that I am not eating gluten any time soon, if ever. Here are the effects I've noticed:

- My stress release behaviours have pretty much all gone. Scratching was my most concerning one, and I know it isn't life threatening or anything, but it wasn't pleasant. It's also the only one I wasn't able to explain away to myself or other people. But all of my behaviours have disappeared or been drastically lowered since giving up gluten. And what's more, the day after going out to have coffee with a friend I had a mild recurrance of some symptoms after a stomach upset. So it's clearly a trigger if nothing else. This alone would make me never want to eat gluten again. But there's more!

- Less stomach issues. I've always had a lot of stomach issues. They decreased when I came off casein, and decreased again after coming off gluten. Yay!

- My nails have been growing. This isn't purely a stress releasing behaviour, so I'm not listing it here, though it is related. I bit my nails pretty much constantly, regularly until they bled. I've stopped without effort or trickery once before in my life... when I started taking iron supplements. It lasted until I next lost a lot of iron. This time round, I lost some iron and my nails kept growing.

- The most recent improvement is in the area of my mind. I've been foggy-headed, significantly less creative, and miles less energetic for YEARS. I mean, back in high school I spent 2 hours every day doing fictional creative writing, several hours a week singing, and had two dance classes a week. I also did aerobics every day. I had energy, was creative, and was productive. And even though I got sick a lot, it was great. It kept up through the first two years of uni, and then my mind died the third and fourth year. No more writing, no dance classes, little singing in general. And while I tried to get myself to do these things, I never suceeded in the long run - I didn't have the mental energy. However, at the moment I'm planning a CD project, thinking about a novel I've been wanting to write for ages, considering going back to uni, and last night started writing really bad poetry again. Huzzah! Soon I'll actually be my creative crazy self again... and I'll be able to appreciate it!

So, gluten free is the way I'm going to be, pretty much for life! Yay for GFCF! (gluten-free, casein-free)

So if you think you may be reacting to a food, then GIVE IT UP FOR A MONTH and see how you feel. It's easier than drs tests and appointments, and if you are reacting, believe me, you'll notice the difference!

I Needs To Know!

2011-01-26T21:26:00.002+11:00

I finally have internets! Yay! After about a million set-backs and sad, sad days with no ability to stalk people I know and don't know, I finally can do all this and more! Hooray!

And just in time, because I NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING.

I googled it, and wiki-ed it, and asked Kallie and even phoned up Adam, thinking that he might know the answer.

Is it a Jewish thing to call your wife your bride even when you've been married for ages?

See, in his sermons, Doug Phillips always calls his wife his bride. And I always was like, Aw, how sweet.

But then I was watching a new Garfunkel DVD, and HE DOES THE SAME THING.

Now, Art Garfunkel and Doug Phillips don't exactly have that much in common. Only two things I can think of. They're American. And they're both of Jewish descent. So I want to know if it is a Jewish thing, an American thing that only some odd Americans do, or an American Jewish thing, or something else entirely.

Any ideas? Anyone?

I NEEDS TO KNOW!

Internet Blues

2011-01-11T12:15:00.002+11:00

As several of you are aware, at home, Kal and I are net-less. It makes us both very sad. Stephen said he was going to be arranging said internet (Kal and I only have pre-paid mobiles, and can't use phones at work most of the time) but, what can I say? The boy is a slacker.

Though not all that much interesting has been happening. Which is probably a good thing. I don't know how much interesting I can handle at the moment.

So I thought I'd let you guys all know about all the different things I would be doing on the internet if I had it at home.

- Stalking Art Garfunkel. That's what the internet is for really. Stalking people. Besides, what if he had a new CD coming out? I could be distraught and sad without it.

- Writing about serious, boring things for my other blog. Sure, it's less interesting than this blog, but I probably post there a bit more often, or at least I do WHEN I HAVE ACCESS TO THE INTERNET.

- Laughing at people I know who have very dorky blogs. This is one of Kal's favourite things to do on the internet.

- Doing the research I'm supposed to do for Ps Ian. Yeah, it isn't happening, and it might not even if I had the net. But it does give me a really awesome excuse for why it isn't. That, and collapsing.

- Watching dramas. You know that they're the best. Don't deny it. They fill an inherent need for melodrama in the life of everyone everywhere. This would be extra useful as I need to sew about a million badges on my brother's scout blanket.

- Going the the Suzi Blu La Petit Academy and looking at everyone's pictures. And uploading pictures of my own. And then getting inspiration from everyone's pictures.

- Googling completely random things, just because I have the internet and I can.

Internet, how I miss you.

Latest Medical News (and other bits and pieces)

2011-01-10T09:45:00.005+11:00

The current theory as to my collapse is that my iron levels were/are very low. The thoughts as to why this is is that I'm coeliac, which I was suspecting (and I went gluten free as of the 1st of Jan).

This will need to be tested at some point in the future, but for the next two months I'm going to be gluten free. It's not too bad, because I know the tricks around food allergies and intolerances now. I'm getting less stomach pains (especially at night) and my stress relief behaviours (most notably stratching until my arms and legs bleed) are not happening at all. So, unlikely to be having gluten again ever, even if the test comes back inconclusive.

In order to bring my iron levels up, I get to have a blood transfusion. Yay! My third one ever. Of course, I was unconscious for the first two (when I was ten, and having cancer removed, and I sprung a leak), so it'll be an experience.

My mum, with major liver and kidney damage, proceeded to get smashed as soon as she came off her meds. Not the smartest thing in the world. She was amusing though, in a humilating and horrific way.

Extended family came over over the break. My cousing James looks just like JW, only with brown hair. And a bit skinnier. But otherwise, the same.

I've spent lots of time listening to Garfunkel. He is the best.

That's it for now.

General Update - From my email to Steph

2010-12-22T12:53:00.002+11:00

I collapsed a month ago and couldn't walk for three hours. I've had my blood tested and got to wear a heart monitor for a day, which the children all thought was pretty awesome. I haven't got my results yet because...

About two weeks ago I got a text saying that my mum, who was overseas, had been admitted to hospital with dehydration. She picked up a bug in Eygpt, got to England and collapsed. A few days later I heard she was still in hospital, but there was no further communication because of weather affecting communications.

On Friday I went over to my parents house to phone my grandmother and find out what was happening. Turns out they got through to Uncle Brian, who got through to Julie, who decided that it would worry everyone else too much if she told us anything, so she just didn't tell anyone anything (not me or dad, let alone the boys) and wasn't going to until she realised I was going to phone and therefore would be finding out anyway.

Turns out mum picked up a massive bacterial infection, which attacked her liver, lungs, heart and kidneys. She was in intensive care for two days, critical care for 5, and medically died 3 times. She is fine, released from hospital, and was staying with my grandma.

Unfortunately, the house hadn't been cleaned at all in the 6 weeks mum was away. So it was feral. The washing machine broke 2 weeks ago, and they just didn't bother doing any washing. They haven't eaten any vegetables, fruit, or anything requiring cooking.

Then my brother and sister got into a fight over chocolate cake. So JW got a chisel to stab Julie. I took Julie back to my my place. Along with lots of washing.

Sunday Dad came home from Geelong and hit the roof. I came over after church and cleaned the place, and cleaned it more on Monday.

Mum is now stuck at Heathrow airport, with not great conditions for anyone, let alone someone just out of hopsital.

My family is such white trash. I'm gonna die this holiday!

I Love This

2010-12-15T12:36:00.001+11:00

Nun Too Good

2010-12-15T12:24:00.002+11:00

Alex was talking to Erin, telling her all about this movie she had seen on the weekend - The Sound of Music.

"The nuns, they're really bad."

"Are you sure the nuns are bad Alex?"

"Yeah, they're really bad. They shoot people! They even tried to catch my Opar, but he was too smart for them, so he escaped."

"Alex, I think you mean the Nazis."

"Oh, yeah, the Nazis, not the nuns."

A Girl Hits Joab

2010-11-29T16:55:00.002+11:00

So, we had our half night of prayer on Saturday night. My group was on set-up, so I arrived early. When we walked up, Jasmine said, "We passed Joab on the way. He was exchanging phone numbers with a girl."

Car accident number 50 billion for Joab.

Which resulted in massive teasing the moment he rocked up.

"She hit me!" he insisted.

"Yeah, right," I said.

"Why is so hard to believe that a girl hit me?"

"Well, I want to hit you all the time, but I don't usually use a car to do it."

I bet it really was his fault!

Way So Cool

2010-11-23T14:35:00.001+11:00

Sam Is The Best Boyfriend

2010-11-23T09:37:00.003+11:00

Part 1
So, it was Kal's birthday recently. So Kal, Stephen and I went out for dinner. We went to a cool restaurant called Mosq. (Where we talked about Christian stuff. We are so post-modern.)

Stephen gave very bad directions, and was surprised when I corrected him repeatedly, because normally I suck at directions (even more than he does). Kal reminded him that we were in my 'hood.

"Oh yeah, I forgot that your parents sent you to a rich school."

The whole way there, I teased Stephen because he only got Kal 3 presents, and I got her 4. "I'm a way better boyfriend than you." Kallie thought it was hilarious, mostly because Stephen was getting competative.

When we got to the restaurant, I saw her present from Stephen. Her main present: a bag.

Now, it's a nice bag. But I can't get excited about a bag. And neither can Kallie. We just can't. I mean, it's a bag.

I brought out my presents, and Kallie squealled. "Biggles! I love Biggles!

That's right. My second hand books that Kallie knew she was getting way outrated the bag on the excitement factor. Score another point to the white girl as being the best boyfriend.

Part 2
Anyway, at work last Thursday, Ale and I share planning. I had just finished, so Ale had come into the planning room.

"I'm going to leave early. It's such a massive wait til my bus."

"You want to 5:20 bus then. Leave at 5:15 and you'll make it."

Ale sits down at the computer and then she gets a text. It's from Tim, her finace. "You want to catch the 5:21 bus," it says.

"He's my personal organiser," Ale says. "But you were faster."

"That's because I'm the best boyfriend..."

Now, to convince someone that I'd make the best girlfriend. Either that, or I'm going to Africa and dying there. One of the two.

One of the Two

2010-11-15T09:55:00.003+11:00

So, Joab's reading my blog again. He goes through spurts where he catches up on all old posts.

How do I know this? He talked to Kallie about how he's worried I'm going to declare my undying affections to someone in Chinese.

The question is: does he know who? does he have suspicions as to who?

Kallie tried to find out, but that boy has a brain that just doesn't work like a normal persons. So she couldn't.

"Maybe he could help," she suggested afterwards.

"Nah, I think he just doesn't want to miss me humilating myself in front of everyone."

Fairy Amusing

2010-11-10T13:50:00.001+11:00

I was reading The Perilous Gard, which Melissa Wiley recommended. It's pretty good. I was 8 pages from finishing when Kal and I had to leave to go to Care-Group. I was not happy.

"What's so great?" Kal wanted to know.

"Well, this girl and a boy got kidnapped by fairies, and she's managed to help them escape, and now she thinks he's into her sister."

"Man, those fairies are always kidnapping people."

"Yeah. I had to give Elaine Lee advice on what to do if kidnapped by fairies."

"Don't eat anything?"

"And stay out of toadstool circles. Good thing we're in Australia. No kidnapping fairies here."

"Yeah, we've just got bunyips."

"So as long as we stay out of the water catchments we're fine."

Where upon Kallie remembers where she works. "Oh dear," she says.

And I Thought My Diet Was Bad

2010-10-23T09:40:00.002+11:00

Stephen is sick. I personally suspect man-flu, but who knows? It's difficult to tell with boys.

Kallie is going over today to take care of him. (Aw, how sweet!) I questioned the necessity of this, especially as she could be spending the day with me doing nothing.

"I have to go," Kal explained. "Do you know what that boy eats when he's sick?"

"What?"

"ICE-CREAM."

"Not the best choice for a full recovery," I commented.

"It get's worse. He also has nuttelex on bread!"

"That's not that bad," I said.

"Did I say nuttelex? I meant nutella."

No, That One's Mine

2010-10-22T14:15:00.001+11:00

Today, I was sitting with Thomas at rest time. He wasn't going to sleep, so Helen and I sat around joking with him. You can have a LONG conversation with Thomas using three main phrases: "No," "Why?" "That's my (Pa, Charlotte, Bug, etc)".

He was wriggling around on my lap when he noticed that I have a mole. It's on the side of my chin, kind of near my neck, so it's not all that noticable. He asked me, "What's that?"

"That's my mole," I told him.

"No, that's MY mole!"

I'm A Real Blogger Now!

2010-09-27T07:02:00.003+10:00

I would just like to point out that I have a blog stalker. Yay! Go Melissa! You are awesome!

Turns out she's been stalking me for two years. Which so isn't creepy. It's awesome.

And as she loved the post on boys being different ages, I'm going to add a few more details...

- I attract 2 year olds. I don't object to this. Notice the easily confused part. I like to take advantage. It gets me chocolate.
- Most of Kallie's friends are 3 year olds, including her boyfriend, Stephen.
- Most of my closer guy friends are 4 year olds.

On a vaguely related note, I had the opportunity to say "Wo Ai Ni" to the boy I like at the Missions meeting. I didn't do it. Unfortunately, everyone speaks Chinese, at least in my church. Heck, even Kallie knows what it means from watching lots and lots of dramas. So I chickened out and told him to read my blog. I bet he won't.

And yes, he's two. What can I say? I have a type.

I Teach Chinese

2010-09-14T22:01:00.002+10:00

Yes, that's right! I taught Harry how to speak Chinese!

What? I hear you say. YOU don't even speak Chinese.

Minor details. Besides, I can say all the important phrases:

Ni How. Whoa Jao Samantha. Sher sher ni. (Hello, my name is Samantha, thank you very much.)

Pu yer sur. Mama cwy lalor. (Don't cry. Mum's coming later)

And today I learnt (from the internets no less - adoption blogs are awesome!) Whoa I Ni. (I love you).

So then Ale taught me: Ni I Whoa Ma? (Do you love me?)

And those two phrases were what I taught Harry.

Hilarious!

Boys and Ages

2010-09-08T14:37:00.004+10:00

I've recently annoyed a few of my friend who are boys by telling them that they are acting like a _ year old. Eventually, I realised that they just can't help it. Boys are all either 2, 3, or 4.

A 4 Year Old Is:
- Hilariously funny, especially when they don't mean to be
- Unintentionally dodgy
- Very serious about things
- Requires extensive teasing

Some Four Year Olds Include:
- Joab
- Justin
- Hoang

A Three year old is:
- Naughty
- Will aim to get away with anything they possibly can
- Drives you up the wall
- Never shut up

Some Three Year Olds Include:
- Stephen
- Lionel
- Adam

A Two Year Old Is:
- Sweet and kind
- Easily befuddled when you talk fast and use big words. This is useful if you want to get your own way
- Not all that fun to tease because they don't get it

Some Two Year Olds Include:
- Shaun Rimos
- Ken
- David

Incidentally, three year old children are, in my opinion, terrible. Two and four year olds are obviously awesome. But I must say, boys who are three are way more acceptable to general society that someone who actually is three.

Things that Make Me Happy (At Work)

2010-08-30T06:45:00.004+10:00

Here are some completely random things at work that make me happy:

Thalia looks like a muppet. A MUPPET! It's hilarious!

Edmund's dad looks like Hiro from Hero.

(Not Edmund's dad)

Asher can't remember my name, so he calls me honey. He will try to get my attention by following me about shouting "Honey! Honey! Honey!"

Lara saying that Kallie and Stephen would "get married, and have puppies."

Congratulations!

2010-08-16T07:16:00.003+10:00

To Kallie and SAtephen, who are now officially a couple!

You go guys!

I Want A Sword

2010-07-30T17:48:00.000+10:00

Who wouldn't?

Battle Swords in Action from Douglas Phillips on Vimeo.

Up For Grabs

2010-07-28T17:06:00.002+10:00

Item number one:

Bewitched: the Complete Second Season.
Never been watched, but not in its wrapping.

More items will appear by-and-by, as I go through my stuff.

Comment if you want it. It's free!

Please Pray

2010-07-28T08:18:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I was home sick. I had been sick on Sunday and Monday, and had taken Tuesday off as well, only to find that I felt all right, except for being a bit tired. I busied myself doing small bits and pieces (like some awesome artwork).

Then, about 3:30, there was a knock on the door. A tradie was there.

"Hi, I'm here to inspect the house for demolition. My paperwork says that there aren't any tenents, but I noticed soem of your things through the window."

"Yeah, um, we live here."

"Well, the landlord sent me over to inspect for demolition. Thought you should know."

Long story short: we phone the Real Estate, who had no idea what was going on. She phoned the landlord, who said she had no idea what was going on. Except that I saw the paper the tradie had, and it said both our address and the landlord's name on it. So she knew.

We've had a few surveyers etc come out recently, which hasn't been a problem, because lots of places send surveyers. But demolishers? And telling them that there are no tenents is dodgy and I think illegal.

What we think is happening is that the landlord has not told us or the Real Estate agent because she wants us kept in the dark so she can kick us out with only 28 days notice. If we know, we might leave sooner, and that would equal less rent for her. Except that we now know, and we are now looking for a smaller place.

So we are moving, sometime soon. I'll have a few bits and pieces on offer for anyone who wants them (a massive TV for one) because we don't want to have to move some things, especially if our place is smaller.

So Praise God that I was home, and that we therefore found out! Normally I would be at work, and no one would be at home.

Please pray that I recover from my shock (I was very distressed about it, and that's why I was quieter than usual at Corporate Prayer) and that we find a perfect place SOON so we can move out and leave this stress behind us.

Thanks all.

Another Drawing

2010-07-27T16:02:00.002+10:00

is finally being posted:

Sam Is Dorky

2010-07-26T21:42:00.002+10:00

I was really excited, because it's now easier to read all of my books. Normally I flip through them and think, "I'm not reading this, the print is ridiculous," and read something easier.

So when I picked up The Fundamentals (volume 1) and was uber happy that the print was now with the awesome. I was so thrilled, I said to Kallie,

"Now I can read The Fundamentals! I wanted to read a book insulting the school of German Higher Critism from 1917!"

Kallie looked at me. "Did Shaun know this when he said that you looked like a dork?"

"No. Why?"

"Because if he did, then I completely forgive him."

Sam Is Blind

2010-07-26T07:15:00.005+10:00

I've been generally under the weather lately. It's winter, and I've kind of come to expect it. I was hoping that all would be awesome with the general avoidance of allergens, but I've still not been great, even when I am really good.

And so it slipped past my radar unnoticed.

I haven't had an eye check since primary school. And I was always feeling tired, my eyes were getting sore, and I was getting a lot of headaches. Eventually, I clicked, and went to get my eyes tested.

Blind.

I am no longer the only person in my family without glasses.

I am shortsighted, not that much, and I need to wear my glasses all the time.

I got them on Saturday, so I got to wear them for church yesterday. Here are the three best reactions (in order of occurance):

Joab: Is your hair styled different? (I glare.) Oh, maybe it's just the glasses. (I punch him towards his glasses, but stop before I get there, because glasses are expensive).

Lionel: You know, you actually look not too bad in glasses. (Okay, I only like that one because I'm vain)

Shaun: Is this someone new? (Holds out hand for me to shake. I twist it. Apparently, random acts of aggression gave the game away.) Wow, you look DORKY in glasses. I said that he was just jealous because my IQ had gone up 20 points, and now my eyes were magnified and his are normal sized.

I would just like to say, I do NOT look dorky in my glasses.

Me without glasses:

Me looking all not dorky with my awesomely dashing glasses:

Sketchbook Project

2010-07-20T07:50:00.003+10:00

This year I decided to complete the Sketchbook Project, because it seemed like fun. I thought I'd do the flying one, so I bought that. Then I got this great idea for the Storybook one. So I bought that too.

The whole Sam doesn't have time for anything? Is about to get a whole lot less time for everything.

On the bright side, I've taken a week off. For school friends, it's the week of Hoang's concert. For church friends, it's the week of the Bible Conference. These two factors should make everyone realise why I'm taking that week off.

To cap it all, last night I realised I have about a million extra bits and pieces to do, so I think I'm going to have a breakdown. Unfortunately, they're all things only I can do (unless someone wants to go to various doctors for me) but it's going to make things even more busy. Hoping to get Wed afternoon off so I can do one drs appointment and rest before I go to a farewell party.

If anyone wants to do the Sketchbook project with me, let me know. It'll be fun, I promise! (Which incidentally is one of the potential topics!)

I Miss This

2010-07-11T18:40:00.002+10:00

As some of you know, I used to be in the Australian Girls Choir. I wasn't very good when I was in choir (my voice didn't mature until I hit about 19 years old) but now I sing all right.

I miss singing pretty music.

And for those of you who can't understand Ye Olde English, the words are from Psalm 121.

Girl, Interrupted

2010-07-11T17:56:00.003+10:00

I just realised something very, very important. I am NOT THE SAME CULTURE AS EVERYONE AT CHURCH.

AND THAT MEANS I HATE BEING INTERRUPTED.

So, pretty much in any conversation at church, I'll be interrupted. Random people will come up and talk to the other person about random "important" things, which may or may not be important, but which can wait UNTIL I HAVE FINISHED SPEAKING.

Aussie do not interrupt unless it actually is VERY important (i.e. there is a fire) or to make a point (as in "Creepy boy, stay the heck away from Kallie"). So when I am in a conversation with someone, I do not take interruptions for me. I have in fact told people, "I'm sorry, I'm busy now, please speak to me later." Result, in the rare occasions where people want to speak to me, they know to wait, because I'll blast them.

Aussie children are taught to wait until the people they want to talk to are finished. We even teach the children in care that. BECAUSE IT SHOWS GOOD BREEDING!

So the next people who interrupt any of my conversations are going to DIE. I shall say something like, "EXCUSE ME, BUT YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A BADLY BEHAVED CHILD. GO WAIT IN THE CORNER UNTIL (person I'm talking to) AND I ARE NO LONGER TALKING AND THEN YOU MAY JOIN IN THE CONVERSATION. IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO TALK TO BOTH OF US WAIT ON THE OUTSKIRTS UNTIL YOU CAN JOIN IN WITH AN APPROPRIATELY TIMED JOKEY COMMENT. AND THAT'S ONLY AN OPTION IF THERE ARE THREE OR MORE PEOPLE ALREADY IN THIS CONVERSATION, WHICH I LOOK AROUND AND SEE - OH LOOK, JUST TWO. NOW GET LOST!"

I'm surrounded by Asians with bad manners.

Simply Ballroom

2010-07-09T17:56:00.001+10:00

Finally Posting on the PA Celtic Festival

2010-07-01T18:39:00.004+10:00

It was fun and games!

I didn't do any dancing, as I was in the midst of chest infection number 1 (the one where I coughed up blood). So instead I went to about a million music performances, and in between things I wanted to see I sat in the cafe drinking tea and reading my book so that no one in my family would drag me off to their horrid musical choices. (My dad and my sister like the heavy celtic rock, which I really have to be in the mood for, and my mum's choice of music generally sucks.)

Highlight performances:

- Claire Patti. FANTASTIC.

- Siobhan Owen. She was one of my favourites from last year, and she's gotten even better, especially in her harp playing. She's only 16, so if you're interested in celtic music then expect to hear more about her.

- Liminality. Sure, they're a bit hippie, and hippies aren't exactly in my good books at the moment, seeing as I'm hate-filled and intolerant. But seriously, their music is wonderful. Uncle Rob (one of my 3 non-related uncle Rob's - and yes, I have related Uncle Robs, and Bobs, and cousins and I'm confused already) wants me to burn their CDs for him.

- Eric Bogle. Pretty funny. He's mostly known for his anti-war songs, but my favourite songs of his were "White Anglo Saxon Male" and Nobody's Moggie Now.

And finally Beoga was pretty awesome. Lively celtic music with some jazz thrown in, but not too rocky for me. The guy of the bodhran was pretty awesome on it, which vaguely makes me want to learn the bodhran. Of course, I'm supposed to actually practise the harp first. On the other hand, I do have a bodhran (at my dad's) and a video and several books (video with me, books at my mum's - we like to share everything around - we're like communists that way).

While we were busy soaking up the sounds, my brother Robert was endangering his role as the favoured son. He's nearly 16, so what do you do when your mum is at your dad's and your two older sisters are there, leaving you with just your 18 year old brother? That's right, you throw a party. Hey, I did it when I was 16.

Of course, I did not advertise it on facebook.

Nor did I open the door and let everyone who wanted to enter walk in without me seeing them because I was too busy making out to care.

Yeah, Robert's not so smart.

JW moved in for the kill on the position as favoured son. When things got out of control he phoned the police. And then phoned them back. And back again.

Next Door (we have two houses, one of them is called "Next Door" and that's where the party was) was TRASHED. Graffitied, windows smashed, stuff stolen.

JW phoned Mum. She woke me up with her shouting.

Robert got to be driven up to PA and enjoy Beoga. I don't know that he enjoyed it, but I expect it was better than the grounding that he's getting, which is lasting until the end of the year, and includes no facebook or networking sites.

It was an eventful weekend.

Alice

2010-07-01T07:28:00.001+10:00

Finally posting some of my drawings again. Now to actually do some drawing...

Sleep-Deprived Rant

2010-06-29T20:55:00.005+10:00

I haven't blogged for a while, and I have a bunch of posts in my head, but I'm mostly too tired to do any of them.

Sick. Again. Another cold that is in the process of settling into my chest. I've been coughing up awesome coloured phlem on a regular basis now. As long as it isn't red, because that kinda freaks me out. That said, I think if I cough up blood twice in one winter I'll just about give up on life. Apparently I look dreadful; everyone at work has commented.

Still haven't posted about the PA Celtic Festival. We should get lots of people to go next year. We can all sit in the church service and bag it for its terrible theology.

Speaking of terrible theology, Ruth's sermon sucked. I am apparently not the only person who thought so, but I forced Jas to listen to about 10 minutes of me ranting about its horrendeousness.

Now that that complaint is out of my system, I feel better about myself.

Baby Erin wants to run over her new staff member with a tractor. Coincidentally, there is a tractor parked outside of my house.

I have the sweetest little African dolls. I love them, and am going to buy more when I have the energy to go to Chaddy. Which will be never.

HEY! Lots of people owe me birthday presents! GIMME STUFF! Or else I shall be sad and cry and cry.

Tomorrow I get to spend the whole day on the computer and tidying the storeroom! Yay! They are driving me CRAZY!

151 books to read.

Off to cough up plegm and go to sleep. Sorry for appalling spelling and grammar y'all. I'm sleepy. I think I mentioned it once or twice.

One day I'm going to sleep.

Comment for Kids

2010-06-25T07:27:00.003+10:00

For those of you who haven't noticed, I really like kids. I want to have not only my 'own' (read bio) kids, but plan to adopt internationally.

While children wait for a "forever family" they are usually housed in orphanages, which, depending on the area, can lack very basic and necessary things, such as toys, medical things, and in some areas even food can be in very short supply.

And for those of you who haven't heard, a adopting mother is having a comment-fest on her blog. For every comment made this week, she will donate $1 to An Orphan's Wish, which helps orphanages in China.

Another reader has pitched in and is matching the pledge.

Other readers have similar posts, and a few are giving lump sums.

Hop on over to this post on Ni Hao Y'all and comment away!

Random Bits and Pieces

2010-06-22T08:20:00.004+10:00

So I made a Kal and Stephen watch Robin Hood. They rather enjoyed it, but I must say that Stephen would die if he really had to live in a forest. He thought that the deer were kangaroos.

It's a very English version. Lots of insults - probably wasn't suitable for me at the tender ages I was watching it. But it did give me and Kal the opportunity to explain to Stephen about why the Saxons were all great archers while the Normans sucked, and where the insulting gestures of the middle finger and the first two fingers came from. (For those of you who don't know, they are both connected to archery, and are the English (because it always was the English) telling their enemies, "Nah nah nah nah nah, I still have two fingers / my middle finger!" Because the French used to cut those fingers off so that they couldn't be used as archers. History lesson over.)

I still need to do some more posts on my drawings - I haven't for ages. True, I haven't drawn for a while, but I do have a backlog of drawings.

I also need to share infos on the Celtic Festival. It was fun, and I didn't eat many allergens. I want to post links and videos of different performers, but I'll have to look on youtube because I never remembered to take any videos.

Having today off - partially sick, and partially because it's my planning day, so I'm planning at home. I had already done all my work, so I'm having a restful day achieving some of the 21 things on my to-do list for the day before heading out for the ballet this evening. Some people say that doing 21 things is not restful, but those people are not taking into account the innate restfulness that descends when those 21 things ARE DONE.

I have 156 books to read.

As some of you know, I knit. Mostly at the moment I knit hats and donate them. I am rapidly (okay, not that rapidly, but fairly steadily) going through my wool. If anyone has any half-balls of wool that they want to give me, then that would be very welcome. A full ball of wool will usually make about 4 hats, and I use smaller amounts to make stripes, so even very small amounts are welcome.

That's about it. Now to start doing things on my list. And no, blogging wasn't one of them.

Coco

2010-06-17T07:13:00.004+10:00

We have a new housemate. Meet Coco!

I love her because now that she is here Desperado's bestest buddy has disappeared! No more mousey! YAY!

Oh, her owner moved in too. Her name is Lee. Lee is good, but she doesn't get rid of mice.

Sam loves cats.

Stephen Is Will Scarlet

2010-06-09T07:52:00.003+10:00

So I told a few people about my dream, the response was amusing. The best though, has definitely been Stephen.

He has decided that he IS Will Scarlet.

I leant him some of my Robin Hood books and he has been reading them like the over-eager boy he is, and then at random times he texted me and Kal his responses.

"Holy cow! Will Scarlet! So cool! I will now go find a scarlet cap with a fine cock feather."

And when he got to the end of the book,
"Robin Hood died! I'm so sad! I'm close to tears! How could he die? :-("

I replied that one of the factors involved was the fact that he was from the 14th century. That'll kill you every time.

"But but... His cousin betrayed him! And killed him! She should be tried for murder!"

I consoled him with the offer to go to England and dig her up and burn her bones. I don't think that consoled him, because he was too sad to buy us the mouse-traps we needed. At least we don't need them any more.

He eventually consoled himself...
"Today is 'Go to Work as Will Scarlet day'. Together with my suit I am wearing a hat (lacking a red feather) white shirt with red lines, red cardigan and red socks. I am Will Scarlet!"

The sad/funny thing is, everyone at his work thought he looked good.

Oh well.

Whoops, Sorry

2010-06-08T21:36:00.002+10:00

Sorry Joab. Just realised that when you were trying to show me the photo it was because you were showing off, and not sharing details. I promise to let you be a normal boy and let you show off.

That's it for now.

I Love It When I Dream In Narrative

2010-06-08T08:13:00.002+10:00

So, a few nights ago, I dreamed about Robin Hood. It was a full on story, complete with characters (mostly played by people I know) and a intricate subplot.

Here is it basically.

Normans hate Saxons. For some reason, the Saxons are all my friends from church. Read, if you're Saxon, you now are Asian. Normans are white. Which at least makes sense. If you're Saxon, you wear moden clothes, but the Normans got to wear awesome costumes. It was all in castles, but with modern technology, so I got to watch a "WANTED" add for Robin on TV.

I am Maid Marian. Marian is cousins with Lady Kelsey. Lady Kelsey is in love with Will Scarlet. (Played by Stephen.) They get caught, Uncle is not happy, locks Kelsey away in a tower, and Will heads to the forest to join the handsome Robin Hood (sorry, you're outta luck with details!)

Marian comes to the rescue. She delivers a messege from Kelsey to Will, and in doing so, meets the handsome Robin Hood. Robin teaches her how to sword fight.

Marian then gets caught, and also gets locked in the tower.

Clearly Robin is buffer than Will (sorry Stephen) because he climbs up the ivy (Romeo and Juliet style) to converse with Marian.

Lots of fights ensure.

The castle is burnt down.

Marian and Kelsey join Robin and Will in the Forest. They all get married by Friar Tuck. Clearly, Friar Tuck is Ps Ian. Friar Tuck was a Norman who sympathsized, from memory.

Awesome.

More Robin stories to come. Suffice to say, Stephen has decided that his role in life is to be the awesome Will Scarlet.

Hilarious!

2010-06-04T20:55:00.000+10:00

A Startling Report From Scientist Samuel Phillips on Psychological Damage Caused By Exposure to the Little Black Box of Death from Douglas Phillips on Vimeo.

Robin Hood (and the thought processes of getting to him)

2010-06-02T20:42:00.003+10:00

Was reading The Everlasting Man, and it was talking about the silliness of the popularised image of the cave-man, and then I thought about how awesome it would be to live in a cave. The recent guest preacher said bad stuff about caves. I suspect he's never been in one. Caves are awesome. For a brief while I wanted to live in one, but then I realised the error of my ways, and went back to my first abodal love - the tree house.

Recently my Mum was talking about how Julie and I designed our own tree house and wanted to live in it. My instant response was that I still want to live in one.

Stephen recently said that Shaun isn't Chinese, he's from a tribe. He (Stephen, not Shaun) danced for us the Chinese Hukka, which was hilarious. He then said they live in tree-houses. So I looked up the people group (Karda-something-or-other). They do in fact live in tree houses. I however, am slightly sceptical. How could Shaun have lived in a tree-house, if he didn't spend the majority of his childhood playing Robin Hood?

Which brings me to the point. Robin Hood. Awesome.

Best book: Enid Blyton's Tales of Brave Adventure. Enid is so under-rated. Seriously, as if you can doubt Julian's hotness. (Sidetracked for a second. Back to Robin Hood).

Best movie: Robin Hood. Oh My Goodness! I love this movie. It was my favourite movie until I saw The Princess Bride, and that overtook. So now that I'm reminded I have to buy it on Amazon. Hey! It was my birthday yesterday, and I haven't bought myself enough presents! The spending of over $150 of Vision Forum products means NOTHING when compared to the need for online retail therapy.

Here is a review of this film.

This used to be what I watched every time I was sick. As I was sick quite a lot as a kid, I used to be able to quote a whole lot of it by heart. And I was always surprised when the boy turned out to be Marion, no matter how many times I watched it. Fantastic.

I probably won't see the new Robin Hood. Robin Hood should be YOUNG. YOUNG I SAY! RUSSEL CROWE IS NOT YOUNG! HE IS OLD! SAM NOT LIKE!

Now that that's out of my system, I'll see it if it's on TV, or for really cheap on DVD. But to pay good money to see it in cinemas? I'll go see that 3D dance movie first. I like dance movies, even if the acting is terrible. It's all about the dance.

Distracted. Robin Hood.

So, one of the many reasons why the above Robin Hood is awesome is that it is hilarious.

Here's the trailer. Doesn't have most of the best lines though.

Spent money. All is right with the world.

On A Birthday Related Note

2010-06-02T12:47:00.002+10:00

Desperado has done a birthday post about me. And as there is a simply smashing photo of me (sorry for the phony British accent there) on it, you had all better click on over.

Apparently, I am very awesome. What can I say? I just am.

At Least I'm Improving

2010-06-02T12:33:00.002+10:00

In my drawing. This is not my favourite drawing. Oh well. I do keep getting better.

And incidentally, my cough seems slightly better today. I love antibiotics!

I'm Not Dying

2010-06-01T18:06:00.002+10:00

I apparently have a chest infection. Dr thinks that the blood was from a burst blood vessel in my wind-pipe, and that all should be good with antibiotics. If not then I get to be treated as suspected pneumonia and get chest x-rays and then probably a whole lot more fun like IV antibiotics. But at least no hospital on my birthday.

On the bright side, I took tomorrow off too. And I did lots of fun art today. And spent money on fun art supplies. That was fun. Sam like art.

Sam like not coughing blood. It's Sam's favourite.

Don't Panic Steph!

2010-05-31T21:41:00.003+10:00

DON'T PANIC. I am going to the Drs tomorrow!

Why? I just coughed up blood. And yes, me blogging about it does make me like that celebrity who blogged as her house was being robbed.

So I am going to the drs tomorrow, even though it is my birthday.

What a sucky birthday present. I bet it was all my jokes about getting pneumonia so that I would get engaged.

Where's my man? If I'm going to cough up blood I want at least a boyfriend from this!

This would explain general malaise, tiredness, low fever symptoms, and being even more grumpy and depressed than usual.

Stupid body.

Where's my boy? This is not fair.

Drs are not my favourite. Hopefully I get out of more work.

Brown Girl

2010-05-30T18:52:00.005+10:00

This is my first drawing after lesson 2.

More drawings later, but I'm going to start on lesson 3.

Best Sentence Ever

2010-05-29T10:12:00.002+10:00

Hanging up the phone, I realized that I just agreed to adopt a baby without discussing it with my husband. Oops.

From this post at Baker's Dozen.

Oh No, I Taught Maryam to Swear

2010-05-28T07:24:00.002+10:00

Several of you have heard about Maryam, one of my work collegues. In case you don't know, or have forgotten, she's a very sweet, shy, Iranian Muslim lady who has been interested in Jesus.

Well, Jenna was talking to Maryam, explaining an assignment that she had to do. She had to get a box of random bits and pieces and see what the children would make of it.

"Oh yes, I understand," said Maryam. "Bits of, bits of c-r-a-p."

"Maryam!" Jenna said. "Where did you learn that word?"

"Oh, Sam use it sometimes. It means little bits of things not really useful, but maybe useful."

Jenna then explained to her that in other contexts, c-r-a-p was not a good word, and was in fact, a swear word.

She then told me about it. "The funny thing was, that was the exact word I was thinking, but was trying not to use!"

Dancer

2010-05-25T07:30:00.001+10:00

My Hair Is Exactly the Same

2010-05-24T17:59:00.003+10:00

Last Sunday, Shaun came up to me with a glare on his face. "You've done a grave, grave thing," he said.

"What?" I said, completely confused.

"You CUT your HAIR."

"I didn't." Shaun looked sceptical. "Really I didn't." It took a bit of convincing, but I think he ended up convinced that I hadn't cut my hair BECAUSE I HADN'T.

Tuesday, and Ilanit, one of our regular relievers, was in. "Oh, Sam, look at your hair! Did you cut it? It looks nice!"

"No, I did not cut it, but thanks."

Wednesday, and Maryam looked at me strangely. "Is your hair different?"

"No, it is exactly the same as it was yesterday, and all the days before that."

"You didn't colour it?"

"No, I've never coloured my hair."

Ilanit joined in, saying how I looked really different, very nice. They then started talking about all the different things they thought I had done to my hair. I tried to tell them that I'd done nothing, but to no avail. Not until Alethea joined in and said, "She hasn't done anything to her hair, she's in love." Which at least sent the conversation in a whole new direction.

Friday, and I was sitting in the staffroom, and Simone looked at me. "Is your hair different?"

"No, it isn't. But everyone keeps asking me that."

"Hmm, that's strange. It looks different. It suits you."

Saturday evening, and I was out with friends for Winnie's party. Adam and Hoang came to pick me up. Adam looked at me and asked, "Have you straightened your hair or something?"

"Adam, I was BORN with STRAIGHT HAIR. I have not done anything to my hair."

"It looks good, whatever you did to it."

"I didn't do anything to it, Apparently it's because I'm in love."

"Is it with me?"

"Nope."

"Oh well. Your hair looks nice anyway."

Sleepy Sam

2010-05-24T07:29:00.003+10:00