Just in case you've missed this...

Dear Sam,

We are delighted to offer you a wonderful opportunity to feature in a pretentious artistic production. We could not help but notice that you are a pretty girl with great expression and a natural ability to command attention. These qualities make you suitable for our project, which will be a music video that visually explores a psalm using an irrelevant soundtrack and overkilled visual metaphors. We apologise for contacting you this way; we realise this comment is posted out of context but you do love comments (small consolation). We hope you seriously consider this offer. Please address your response and any questions to our staff located in The Bedroom With Wolf Posters on the Door, Your House, The Earth.

Yours sincerely,
Short Trash Productions Team <3



Sam-Is-Mad said...
Dear Short Trash Productions Team,

Thank you for noticing that I am pretty and command attention. Some people (ignorant people) would say that is because I am loud. Ignorant people.

I would love to appear in all music videos that are being made. A salary of large quanties of chocolate is necessary in order for me to consider working on your very worthwhile project.



Joab said...
.... you ARE loud...
ignorance is bliss, therefore I am blissful



Anonymous said...
Dear Samantha,

Thank you for accepting our offer. Filming will begin soon, however we cannot offer you an exact date as this is dependent on meteorological conditions. We shall keep you informed. While, as a non-profit organisation, we cannot offer you a salary, we wish to console you with that fact that we are giving you exposure and experience in the music video industry.

If you have any questions contact our staff, who are currently located in the Spooky-Cat-Filled-Living-Room, Your House, The Milky Way.

Yours once again,
The Short Trash Production Team.



Sam-Is-Mad said...
Careful Joab, you are now officially both mean AND ignorant



Sam-Is-Mad said...
Dear Short Trash Production Team,

Now that the space has been slightly de-catted, and planted, isn't it a million times better? Not perfect, I admit, but better, so much better.

As long as the song being played isn't the one I just made up for KFC...

"Be kind to everyone..."



Sam-Is-Mad said...
No chocky, no worky.




Anonymous said...
Dear Samantha,

While we cannot be bothered to repay your involvement with a salary of chocolate, we will concede to offering cheese pizza of the gourmet kind on the night of filming completion. As you consider this proposal, allow your mind to think of brie, camembert, blue, mozarella, chedda, swiss, cottage, feta, corby, tasty, and other delightful things of goodness.

An alternative to this would be to film you without your permission and when you do not expect it. While we recognise this unorthodox method is not ethical and will take longer to gather the footage we require, it would at least be free. Do not think we are above such things as stalking and exploitation.

And just incase your mind has wandered, let us reiterate an important point. Cheese pizza.

Yours dangerously,
The Short Trash Production Team.

PS- Be comforted to know we shan't use your song, but something more depressing and less educational.