Sam's Weight

I was training with my personal trainer, Natalie, and I mentioned ice-cream.  Now, for her, that's like a red flag to a bull.  And I eat a LOT of ice-cream.  (It's soy ice-cream, btw.)
"Didn't you try those smoothie recipes that I sent you?"

"I eat smoothies for BREAKFAST."

"Smoothies are really healthy!"

I brought out my big guns.  "Do you know how many calories there are in ice-cream?  I need those calories!"

Natalie thought about it.  "You could have TWO smoothies."

"Natalie, in order to make up for the calories in ice-cream, I would need to be on a smoothie DRIP."



On a side note, I've hit 50kg, EXACTLY.  Happy happy!

Sam Is Beautiful

Well, the compliments keep on coming my way.  What can I say?  I'm popular with the under 8 crowd (and a few over 8s...)


From Luke (who has proposed marriage).
"Sam, you're the beautifullest."
"Thanks Luke!"
"Sessie isn't the beautifullest."
"Well, usually only one person can be the beautifullest."
"You know why?  Because you have long hair."



From Bailey:
Randomly, while making play-dough:
"Sam, you're the thinnest," (in a VERY approving voice)


It helps working in an industry where everyone is addicted to chocolate.

Somehow, that Doesn't Surprise Me...

So, I was with the three year olds, when Rohan came up to me and told me excitedly, "My birthday's coming up!  It's in July!"

"That's great Rohan!" I said.  "My birthday's coming up too, in June.  That's just a little before yours!"

Alex looked thoughtful, then said very seriously, "My birthday's coming up, in Pluto."



I'm just surprised he's the only kid from another planet.

Holding On

I was at personal training, and was doing some push-ups.  Obviously, being a girl, my upper body strength is not the greatest, and I was doing them on my knees, same as usual.  Natalie (my trainer) decided that it wasn't hard enough, and I needed to do full ones.

Afterwards, she told me I was never allowed to do knee push-ups again.  (which I do, but I try to mix in some full ones too.)

"Next thing, chin-ups!  You won't know what hit you!"

"Oh," I said.  "I can do chin-ups.  I mean, not many.  But I can do 2 or 3."  (which really means 5 or 6.)

"Go on do them."

So I did 6.

Natalie looked at me.  "I can't believe you've been holding out on me with CHIN-UPS."


(And, in mad terror that I will have to do a million of them in future sessions, I am practicing some more, and have since done 10 in a row without falling off the bar!  Yay for Sam!)

It's True, We're Not

Robert was prepping to go to the park with Evan, aka "Fake Brother".  Robert decided that he wanted to take soft drinks... enough for him, Evan, and all of Evan's family.  Mum objected.

"But Mum, Evan's family is poor."

"We're not rich!" was her reply.

"Yeah we are.  We have way too many houses to be anything else."

"We're assest rich, but income poor.  Lots of farmers have that problem."

Robert paused and looked at her.  "Mum, we're NOT FARMERS."

Cancer Awareness Month

For those of you who don't know, February is Ovarian Cancer awareness month.

In light of this, I thought I'd post a humourous true conversation about this issue, from my recent race!

My whole family were waiting for the race to start.  My brothers started joking about how I was probably thinking about how to trip up all the other competitors (or at least those who were likely to beat me).

I said no, my secret plan was that as this was a fun run to raise money for cancer, I was going to ask for 5 minutes off my time for being a survivor.

"I'd ask for 10 minutes, but given it's for BREAST cancer, I don't think I can swing more than 5..."

John-Wayne laughed.  "Too bad you didn't have cancer."

At which point, everyone in my famil just looked at him.

"Um, I did."

"No way!"

"Ovarian," my mum confirmed.

"Even I know that," added Robert.

"And he wasn't even born at the time," added Julie.



So, ovarian cancer.  Be aware of it!

Seriously, ovarian cancer is called the silent killer, because the symptoms are typically vague and much like those of other diseases.  If you have any concerns, go to your doctor and ge it checked out!  Don't be a dead statistic - be a living one!

Les Mis

A friend of mine went to see Les Mis on the recommendation of a parent.

"So, what did you think of it," I asked her.

"Well, I watched it, and I thought, why are they always singing?"



Which called for me to sing sections of Les Mis whenever I entered the room.

JW's Training Plans

So, you all know that my family are running the Pink Triathlon portion with me.  I'm expecting to beat all of them except Robert (my 18 year old brother, who is massively fit).

John-Wayne, my 21 year old brother, is DEFINITELY not going to beat me.  After all, he's in serious training.

"You know what I'm gonna do?  I'm gonna eat nothing but sugar for the whole week before the race, and then I'll SPRINT the whole thing, going argharhargh the WHOLE WAY."

As Robert said, "You do that John-Wayne, you do that."

I Don't Think It'll Be A Problem

So, I was playing with the (gluten free) play-dough with Gabby.  We were making biscuits.

"Here Sam.  You can have some, as a treat."

"Wow, thanks Gabby.  They look delicious!"

"Well, you can eat them.  Just don't tell your husband or your daughter about them."






Aarushi came up to me, and handed me one of the dolls.  "Here!  Here's your baby Sam!"

"Oh good," I said.  "I've been wanting a baby."

Aarushi looked at me very seriously, and said, "Now, don't throw your baby on the road Sam."

"Right..."

Not quite yours then...

At placement, some of the children were arguing over a Woody doll. It belonged to one of the children (i.e. it was a "home toy"), so I returned it to her. The boy who was arguing for it, told me, "But I NEED it." "It isn't yours though," I told him. "I've got one, but I left it." "Oh no, you left it at home? You can maybe bring it another day." "No, not at home. I left it at Target."

Dumb Comments

It amazes me the amount of utterly stupid things that some people say about Africa. Really, REALLY dumb things. Here's the one that I think takes the cake.

Dummy: I really want to go on a mission trip to Africa.

Me: Great. Where in Africa?

D: You know, AFRICA.

Me: Anywhere specific.

D: Maybe the Congo. Or Liberia. Those states in Africa.

Me: Right. (Thinking, you're joking. You just called two countries states. And those two countries are nowhere near each other, and speak different languages, even the European languages. You just want to go because they've been mentioned before at church events.)

D: But I was wondering, when you move there, how will you learn the language?

Me: In Uganda, the national language is English. But I'm working on learning Luganda at the moment, and I plan to start working on Lugisu next year, when I'm not studying and so have more time.

D: (getting really excited) You know what you should do? There's this boy, in the _____ centre. He's from Zimbabwe. You should get HIM to teach you!

Me: He's from Zimbabwe?

D: Yeah!

Me: I don't think he's going to speak Luganda or Lugisu.

D: Of course he speaks African, he's from Zimbabwe!

Me: I'll keep it in mind (so I can blog about this later!)

Adults Say the Dumbest Things

I spend a lot of time on this blog chronicling some of the awesome things that “my” children say. And a lot of time chronicling some of the hilarious things that people from church say (especially Joab and Shaun, who have provided so much of the material for this blog, that if I made any money, I would probably have to start paying their rent). But this post is to demonstrate some of the REALLY DUMB things adults have said in the past few weeks, mostly at work, and the responses I’ve thought (but haven’t said).

Parent A: I’m really concerned about my child’s language development.
There is no reason to be concerned that your seven month old is not talking. You might, however, want to be concerned about the fact that he weighs over a quarter of what I do.

Parent B: We took our child home last night, and he was all FLOPPY.
Your six month old was “floppy” when you took them home after 6PM? Your six month old who just sat up?

Parent B: You must feed him up. We want him to be BIG STRONG MAN.
Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!

Parent B: He got tonsillitis. So you must be careful, and do not let him use another child’s dummy again, because he was very sick.
Um, fairly certain tonsillitis isn’t contagious. And if it was, you’d think that another child in the room would have it. And if you want him to only use his own dummy MAYBE YOU SHOULD LABEL IT WITH MORE THAN A WHITEBOARD MARKER.

Parent C: Please rug our daughter up if you have the air-conditioners on. They give her gas.
Is she sitting in front of them, swallowing the air they spit out?

Reliever: Where have all the BRIGHT children gone?
They moved up. Because they weren’t bright (well, brighter than the children still in our room). They were older. And thanks for implying our babies, most of whom are less than a year, are stupid because they aren’t walking and talking. Jerkface.

Robin Hood and Guns

I was over at kids church, and tehy were playing games. I don't play games. I don't play them at life group, I don't play them at kids church. If I had been a kid at kids church, I would not have played games. Because games are terrible.

(Okay, I've played a few okay games. Role playing is fun. And a few other games. But we don't play those games. We play races or rhythm games or other things. I'd rather shoot myself.)

I said this, and the others were all horrified. "You didn't like games?"

"I liked real games. Fun games. Like playing Robin Hood."

This drew only blank looks. Turns out that Megan has never played Robin Hood. Evelyn has never played Robin Hood. Auntie Daisy has never played Robin Hood. None of the musicians had ever played Robin Hood.

I finally turned to Ben, the one child there at that time, and asked him.

"Robin Hood?" I explained it to him. You pretend you're Robin Hood, or someone else in the Merrie Men if there are lots of you. Then you shoot arrows at enemies. It's FUN. FUN I SAY.

"Oh yeah, I think I played that," Ben said. "Only we didn't use bows and arrows. We used guns."

See, I do think about these things

I recently bought a new skirt at an op shop - a beautiful dark red. I didn't have any head coverings to wear with it, but I soon found one at Target. And being on placement (makes Sam sad), I get to wear whatever I want. (Except the studd I'm taking to Uganda. That I can't).

So I wear that.

Anyway, I went to Touching Heaven wearing it.

Shaun looked at me. "You have a red skirt on."

"Yes." I said.

"And a red hat."

"Yes."

"Where is your red shirt?" he asked.

I informed him that you could NOT wear a red shirt with a red skirt and red hat. You needed a neutral colour in between. So I was wearing a black skivvy.

He thought for a second. "The least you could have done was wear red lipstick," said the indignant boy.

"I am."

He looked at me again, said "So you are," and went off.

Well, I Guess That's True

So, I went to Eleanor's wedding. While there, I got to talk to Mikey. He's been banned from asking Kallie about Pokemon, Sonic, and all other video games. He was told that he could "ask her about what she does". And then he was told that he was to ask that question and that question alone, to all others.

So eventually we turned the conversation to what he thought I should be when I grow up.

"A person. Because it would be really bad if you were an alien."

Thalia's Facts of Life

Working in childcare means that half the adults you meet seem to be expecting (dads don't tend to come to drop off or pick up - unless expentant Mum is labouring or is recently become unexpecting).

The kids are all always excited about their new babies. Which is really sweet. But then their friends get excited and declare that they too are having a new baby soon.

Whether they are or not.

But you can never tell. We've had mums get to 7 months before they were really showing.

Anyways, when I came into the room, Thalia ran up to me. "My Mummy's having a baby!" she told me excitedly.

"That's great!" I said.

"Yeah! She went into the toilet, and now she's having a baby!"

I alway knew I'd have Asian children...

but I kinda assumed they would be girls.

Instead, I've got 2 sons.

Isaac (at work) calls me Mumma, and cries when I leave the room. He also spends half his time running up to me and the other half running away from me. That said, he is 18 months

But my other Asian son is from church. And he is a little older than 18 months.

Vincent is my oldest child, but definitely not the most mature. In fact, he spent most of my first ever care group lesson trying to distract me and cracking jokes. And calling me Mummy.

But he made up for it. The lesson was on how Proverbs 31 is relevant for the whole church. And one of the verses we talked about was, "Her children rise up and call her blessed."

At which he stood up, and then katowed to me, shouted out "Blessed!"

Now to expand my family... who knows? Maybe I'll even get a girl?

Kallie and the Homeless Dude

Kallie was standing near the train station, and this homeless dude came up to her, pressed 50c into her hand, and said, “It won’t buy you much, but you can have it.”

That’s right, Kallie got GIVEN money by a homeless guy!

She did try to give it back, but he rejected it and laughed.

The funny thing is, she and Stephen had seen him the night before, and he was begging, and asked them for change so he could buy a pie. Stephen isn’t the fondest of giving money to beggars, so he offered to give them some of Kallie’s groceries. But in the end they gave him enough money to buy his pie and… a million dollars.



Okay, it was a million dollar tract.

The guy thought it was the BEST. He thought it was one of the most hilarious things he’s ever seen. Kal’s not sure if he can read it, but he’s now apparently going around showing all his friends. So Stephen’s managed to get a homeless guy to witness to all his friends.

And to give Kal his spare change.

Got my Nails Done

So, a while ago, I got my nails done. It makes you feel pretty, and I needed it. You see, in Uganda I had boys literally throwing themselves at me and declaring their undying love. I got hit on more in one day than I would have pretty much in the rest of my life put together. And back in my teenage days, I got hit on a fair bit.

And I cam back here. One of my friends at work (who's half African) pointed out that while African guys will always compliment, Aussie guys make you work for their compliments.

I laughed. "I've got it worse. I mostly hang out with Chinese boys. They won't even tell you when you look good... Only when you don't!"

Hence the nails.

Sam looks pretty now!

Most Common African Conversation

Hey, Hi, Mzungu, can I walk with you?

Um, Sure.

Mzungu, what is your name?

My name's Sam.

Sam? That is a BOY'S name.

Well, in Mzungu countries, it is a girl's name too.

So, Mzungu, Sam. I want to be your friend. So you can give me your phone number, and I will phone you, and we will have lunch tomorrow.

I don't have a phone.

But... how do your friends find you?

They know where I am.

But, what if they want to SPEAK to you.

Then they have to wait.

You should get a phone.

I'm only in Uganda for 3 weeks. I'm not getting a phone.

Hmm. I know! I will give you MY number, and then you can phone me, and then we can have lunch tomorrow.

Well, you can give me your phone number, but I won't phone it, because I don't have a phone.

You could borrow someone else's phone to phone me.

That's not going to happen.

You know, Mzungu, Sam, you are very beautiful. Are you single, or are you married.

I'm single. I'm also not looking, because I'm only here for 3 weeks.

But... every girl wants to get married!

I would like to have the option of knowing a guy for more than three weeks before marriage. He might not want the same things as what I want. Besides (with the aim of messing with minds) what do I need a boy for?

Children.

I'll just adopt.

But... mzungu...

Oh, here's the (school, compound, etc). See you later!