I May Be Fat, But the Kids Love Me

I got this card last weekend. I taught Daniella in my internship year - 2006.

The Photo

Joab was the only one that commented. But Dhany and Kevin both said I should post it. So in the interests of self humiliation...

Reader Poll:

Do you want to know what I'm going to look like after 20 kids?

Because I have a photo. I labelled it "Sam looks fat".

Kal has seen, and would like to confirm that I am in fact fat in this photo, it is not photoshopped.

Note to self: Never wear Rebecca's dressing gown again.

Just in case you've missed this...

Dear Sam,

We are delighted to offer you a wonderful opportunity to feature in a pretentious artistic production. We could not help but notice that you are a pretty girl with great expression and a natural ability to command attention. These qualities make you suitable for our project, which will be a music video that visually explores a psalm using an irrelevant soundtrack and overkilled visual metaphors. We apologise for contacting you this way; we realise this comment is posted out of context but you do love comments (small consolation). We hope you seriously consider this offer. Please address your response and any questions to our staff located in The Bedroom With Wolf Posters on the Door, Your House, The Earth.

Yours sincerely,
Short Trash Productions Team <3



Sam-Is-Mad said...
Dear Short Trash Productions Team,

Thank you for noticing that I am pretty and command attention. Some people (ignorant people) would say that is because I am loud. Ignorant people.

I would love to appear in all music videos that are being made. A salary of large quanties of chocolate is necessary in order for me to consider working on your very worthwhile project.



Joab said...
.... you ARE loud...
ignorance is bliss, therefore I am blissful



Anonymous said...
Dear Samantha,

Thank you for accepting our offer. Filming will begin soon, however we cannot offer you an exact date as this is dependent on meteorological conditions. We shall keep you informed. While, as a non-profit organisation, we cannot offer you a salary, we wish to console you with that fact that we are giving you exposure and experience in the music video industry.

If you have any questions contact our staff, who are currently located in the Spooky-Cat-Filled-Living-Room, Your House, The Milky Way.

Yours once again,
The Short Trash Production Team.



Sam-Is-Mad said...
Careful Joab, you are now officially both mean AND ignorant



Sam-Is-Mad said...
Dear Short Trash Production Team,

Now that the space has been slightly de-catted, and planted, isn't it a million times better? Not perfect, I admit, but better, so much better.

As long as the song being played isn't the one I just made up for KFC...

"Be kind to everyone..."



Sam-Is-Mad said...
No chocky, no worky.




Anonymous said...
Dear Samantha,

While we cannot be bothered to repay your involvement with a salary of chocolate, we will concede to offering cheese pizza of the gourmet kind on the night of filming completion. As you consider this proposal, allow your mind to think of brie, camembert, blue, mozarella, chedda, swiss, cottage, feta, corby, tasty, and other delightful things of goodness.

An alternative to this would be to film you without your permission and when you do not expect it. While we recognise this unorthodox method is not ethical and will take longer to gather the footage we require, it would at least be free. Do not think we are above such things as stalking and exploitation.

And just incase your mind has wandered, let us reiterate an important point. Cheese pizza.

Yours dangerously,
The Short Trash Production Team.

PS- Be comforted to know we shan't use your song, but something more depressing and less educational.

Speaking of Work...

On Monday, i.e. my first day back at work, I cut up a dead fish.


The fish is indeed dead



I let the kids touch a fish that dies of unknown causes.



The fish is dead. Pointing to it makes this certain.



The knife goes in...



And slides down the middle...



Off with his head!



Inside.

And then we held a funeral.
I am NOT weird.
The kids think I am the coolest.
The staff in the other rooms have a slightly different opinion.

On Work and Doctors

The general consensus has been that I should go and see a doctor. In fact, every time Jean-Marc sees me he says, "Go and see a doctor." Before he says anything else. The truth is I've been on waiting lists for some time.

So I was actually pleased when I was told last night (at 11:30PM) that I could get an appointment for today.

Until this morning, when I phoned work, and they said NO.

I was actually quite upset. But I went to work all the same.

Then at 11, when Libby goes to lunch. We are supposed to get a reliever in now. Because otherwise Libby is going to quit. But today, we don't. Because the reliever decided that she wanted to take her daughter to the dentist.

And now I am ropable

On My Blog

I got an email from someone I mooched from. Here is it's contents:

"I read your blog very fun. When you get those lots of kids, you want,you might get that chronic fatique. I just call it motherhood syndrome."

Well, Steph doesn't have kids (yet, but I'm praying) and apparently people with CFS feel great while they-re pregnant. It's afterward that is the real downer.

Incidentally, her mooch name is 8izenuff.

What'd I Tell You Kal?

On Wed, not last week but the week before, I came home and ate a block of chocolate. In less than five minutes. The day was that bad. And I said to Kal that I wouldn't be surprised if someone quit next Wed, as the worst kid of the bunch was sick. (Arnold bites. He mostly bites kids who deserve it, but apparently we're supposed to stop such things.)

So, how did they find last Wed?

Libby told them if they didn't give us another staff member she was going to quit. And as she's new, she only has to give them 24 hours notice. And she can take that 24 hours as a sick day.

We now have someone covering our breaks.

Nightmare

I had a horrible dream last night. My CG is combining with half of another CG. I dreamt that they decided they had too many people, and so they were putting me in another CG. They decided to put me in the medical CG.

That would be awful. Sorry to Joc and Joab who are (I think) both in that CG, but if I had to sit down and hold conversations with lots of doctors and prospective doctors, I think I would die. I would start crying and/or my head would explode.

Urgh! Doctors.

Free Books for All

I have about a million bookmooch points. I lie. At the moment I have 75.6 - however, as soon as I can go over to my mum's with someone with a car (probably Reb) I will be picking up some more boxes of books, many of which will be listed for mooching.

And so, all my devoted readers, the about 7 of you, feel free to browse and see what you want. If there are any books you want, email me their details (samismad @ hotmail . com) and let me know, and I'll try and mooch them for you. It isn't a guarentee, especially if they are from overseas. But you can have as many books as you want.

I do have to know you, so if you're stopping by my blog and don't know me, either sign up for bookmooch yourself (it's free) or come along to church and introduce yourself. If I know you, then just email me or pass the details at CG / Touching Heaven / Church / the ballet / etc. Even mean people can mooch.