I spend a lot of time on this blog chronicling some of the awesome things that “my” children say. And a lot of time chronicling some of the hilarious things that people from church say (especially Joab and Shaun, who have provided so much of the material for this blog, that if I made any money, I would probably have to start paying their rent). But this post is to demonstrate some of the REALLY DUMB things adults have said in the past few weeks, mostly at work, and the responses I’ve thought (but haven’t said).
Parent A: I’m really concerned about my child’s language development.
There is no reason to be concerned that your seven month old is not talking. You might, however, want to be concerned about the fact that he weighs over a quarter of what I do.
Parent B: We took our child home last night, and he was all FLOPPY.
Your six month old was “floppy” when you took them home after 6PM? Your six month old who just sat up?
Parent B: You must feed him up. We want him to be BIG STRONG MAN.
Parent B: He got tonsillitis. So you must be careful, and do not let him use another child’s dummy again, because he was very sick.
Um, fairly certain tonsillitis isn’t contagious. And if it was, you’d think that another child in the room would have it. And if you want him to only use his own dummy MAYBE YOU SHOULD LABEL IT WITH MORE THAN A WHITEBOARD MARKER.
Parent C: Please rug our daughter up if you have the air-conditioners on. They give her gas.
Is she sitting in front of them, swallowing the air they spit out?
Reliever: Where have all the BRIGHT children gone?
They moved up. Because they weren’t bright (well, brighter than the children still in our room). They were older. And thanks for implying our babies, most of whom are less than a year, are stupid because they aren’t walking and talking. Jerkface.