Monday, 29 December 2008

On Biblical and Non-Biblical Ways of Getting Dates

Helen, my lovely team-leader who is leaving, is getting married! (That's not why she's leaving.) I am of course invited to the wedding. Along with a friend, who must have wheels (because the wedding is in the sticks).

I was discussing with Kal and Reb.

Reb (the spiritually mature one) suggested that I get an escort. "They always end up together in all the movies."

I pointed out that I didn't think the Christian, future homeschooling demographic was highly represented in the male escort population.

Kal suggested that we draw lots. "It's Biblical!" said she.

"So at church on Sunday we should get all the single boys with cars to put their names in a hat?"

"Of course, if you get someone you don't like, you can just get rid of their name."

Sunday, 28 December 2008

Music Meme

Because you are all mean and horrible, I'm putting up a new meme.

1. What is your favourite song?
All Aroung the World (Myth of Fingerprints) by Paul Simon and Bleeker St by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. Bleeker St is the most poetic song I know.

2. Favourite artist / group?
Paul Simon for artist, Steeleye Span for group.

3. What is your fav. Beatles song?
Hey Jude.

4. What song do you detest?
I've Got the Joy Joy Joy Deep Down in My Heart

5. What song encapsulates your teenage years?
Elf Child. Although I can honestly say they would not approve of the anime Elfs.

6. What song do you want to dance to / have sung at your wedding?
Love Is Like A Storybook Story (From the Princess Bride, which is clearly the most awesome movie ever).

7. What did you most recently listen to?
Straight No Chaser's 12 Days of Christmas

8. What odd instrument do you play / want to play?
The Harp. Music video to come.

9. Last musical event / concert you went to?
Verdi's Otello.

10. What do you want played at your funeral?
I've Got the Joy Joy Joy Deep Down in My Heart. I will have the joy because I will not be listening to it. There will be way cooler music in heaven.

11. Your 'social conscience' song?Blackleg Miner by Steeleye Span, and Streets of London, which I heard by the composer live in 2007 (I think) along with Steeleye Span.

12. What song sums you up? Why?
At the moment, probably Pussy Willow by Jethro Tull. But it'll change on my mood. I also considered having Feeling Groovy,which is about as different as you can get, ignoring the folk influences on both. What can I say? I'm mental.

Wow! Nearly all my stuff is Folk Rock! That is because Folk Rock is AWESOME!

For Joab



Kal, apparently Archie is in 5 episodes, not just 2!

Click here to read about the series, and there are movie links at the end of the article.

Randoms, mostly for Kal, who is coming back today

These people are AWESOME!

Helen is resigning. My life is over.

I got hugged. Real hugged, not photo hugged. At church. By a church boy. By an ASIAN church boy. (Boy is new, Kal, you don't know him.) Clearly, Jesus is returning very, very soon.

I bought a new laptop. It is smaller than the box of chocolates I bought yesterday.

I actually practiced the harp yesterday. I can play the first line of Bach's Minute in G, but what with the harp needing tuning, it sounds slightly odd.

Speaking of tuning, I bought a tuner! With built in Metronome. (Or was it a metronome with built in tuner...? (I also bought a new keyboard)) Soon to come - harp played in TUNE!

Chocolate pile has reached it's zenith. I am preparing to eat it all.

I missed you!

Thursday, 25 December 2008

Clearly I'm Not Worried About Germs

Just in case some of you haven't noticed, I adore some of my kids. Jonty, Hannah, Alana, Zoe, Big Ella, Alec and 'Cilla are the definite darlings in my eyes.

Alec and 'Cilla are best friends. They play together with various toys, mostly of animals, complete with elaborate story lines.

You also might have noticed that I've been receiving rather a few presents from my children and their parents - as have most of the other teachers. Astha in the toddler room had a whole lot of fruit given to them, and they decided to put it in the staffroom. (Incidentally, Kal, that's where the mango comes from. Reb, YOU MAY NOT EAT IT. It is for KAL.) There was so much fruit Astha had to make several trips. In between the trips, a few peaches were stolen by small hands.

Later in the afternoon, I find Alec feeding a peach to a toy dinosaur. I take the peach away. I don't want to spend hours cleaning toys.

Two minutes later, I hear Alec call out, "Sam, 'Cilla's not SHARING with me!"

I tell 'Cilla to share without looking.

I turn around a minute later to see them sharing another peach, one mouthful for 'Cilla, one for Alec.

I started laughing, and Helen looked over. She said, "I'm going to pretend that I can't see that." "See what?" I asked.

When they decided that they had had enough of the peach, they came up to me and gave me the rest of it.

I ate it.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

From the Mouths of Babes

I was outside with the kids when Jonty came up to me. "Let's talk about something serious Sam," he said. I asked him if he had anything in particular in mind. He didn't.

So I asked him what he thought about the state of communism in China.

He looked at me and sighed. "Bad. It's going to ruin everything."

Friday, 19 December 2008

My Kids Kick Reb's Kids' Butts

Well, they do!

It is the end of the year, and at this time, all good children (and their parents) give their teachers presents.

Reb got chocolate, lollies, mugs, a calender, and a few other nic-nacs.

My kids gave me: more chocolate (and the year isn't over) about the same amount of lollies, three gift hampers, a mug, tea, home-made brownies, Christmas ornaments, AND a hundred dollars.

That's right. One of my kids gave me cash. And gave Helen cash.

My kids so win.

Okay, Who Was It?

I get emailed all the comments. So imagine how pleased I was when someone actually had done my literary meme. On the other hand, this is what they wrote:

1. What are you currently reading?
1.The mX "Here's looking at you".

2. What books did you most recently buy?
2. "The Rules: the best kept secrets for capturing Mr Right".

3. What family from literature would you most like your future family to resemble?
3. The Lion King- Simba's Pride.

4. What family from literature are they most likely to ACTUALLY resemble?
4. Lot's. From the bible.

5. Clothes from what book (or historical period) that you wish would come back into fashion, because it would look COMPLETELY AWESOME on you?
5. The 80's. I like shoulder pads.

6. Clothes from what book (or historical period) that you wish would come back into fashion, because it would look COMPLETELY AWESOME on members of the opposite gender?
6. The Garden of Eden.

7. What literary character would you run off with?
7. Draco Malfoy.

8. What literary character would you write out of existence?
8. Mr Darcy. Too many girls like him, but he's a cold snob.

9. What animal from literature would you have as a pet?
9. Puff the magic dragon.

10. What fairy-tale would you like to live in?
10. Cinderella. I like shoes. And a girl who cleans is awesome.

11. What evil fairytale character would you be most likely to be?
11. Cinderella's step-mother. Clean that kitchen!

12. What poet (living or dead) would you have write you a love poem?
Robert Burns.
12. Some angsty emo kid on myspace. Or Shakespeare's Mum.

Guess who this is? Hahaha! If you get it right, you win brownies.


Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Yay For Medication

Well, remember my lung test. I got the results a while ago. Guess what? I have damaged lungs!

They have changed my asthma meds. I was on Flixotide, low dose. I've been bumped up to Seretide. My brother Robert was put on Seretide when he went to hospital 3 times in one year with asthma attacks.

My Seretide is darker than his ever was. I beat him. It even has a counter so I know how far through it I am, so I don't run out. The counter is WAY COOL.

It did however take a LONG time to get to me. My lung test was ages ago. And I literally got the meds yesterday. And I got them the working day after I got the prescription. (Would have got them Sat, but I was sick and couldn't breathe properly - ironic). Which meant I was about three weeks without meds as my Flixotide finished and it took them forever to send me the presciption.

Please all pray that the new meds are helpful for me.

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Crafty Christmas

I thought that some of you might like to see some of the Christmas presents I've made. I've already given most of them out, and the rest are all wrapped up. (I only have one more present to get or wrap - Mikey's.)

These are Serene and Rica's gifts. I also made one for Emily and one for Angela, but they already have theirs. They are really simple presents, though they look awesome. They are just old calico bags, dyed black, with iron-on patches.

But don't they look AWESOME!

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Literary Meme:

I've been wanting to make up one of these for ages - mostly because I want to post the crazy answers.

1. What are you currently reading?
The Mythology of Science, The Normans, The Nature of Love.

2. What books did you most recently buy?
How to Calculate Quickly and The Kings of Clonmel (Ranger's Apprentice, book 8).

3. What family from literature would you most like your future family to resemble?
Probably the Keith family from the Millie Keith books. Although the Murray/O'Keefe clan and the Austin family by Madeleine L'Engle are hard on the heels of the Keith family.

4. What family from literature are they most likely to ACTUALLY resemble?
The Larkin family.

5. Clothes from what book (or historical period) that you wish would come back into fashion, because it would look COMPLETELY AWESOME on you?
Regency period, i.e. Jane Austen novels.

6. Clothes from what book (or historical period) that you wish would come back into fashion, because it would look COMPLETELY AWESOME on members of the opposite gender?
Regency period, i.e. Jane Austen and Hornblower novels. Although it might make church a little odd. I can't picture Asian boys wearing Regency navy uniforms... probably a good thing.

7. What literary character would you run off with?
Heathcliff. What can I say? I like the dark obsessing types. And I bet he's TALL.

8. What literary character would you write out of existence?
Joesph from Wuthering Heights. ANNOYING.

9. What animal from literature would you have as a pet?
The hen that laid the golden eggs would be nice...

10. What fairy-tale would you like to live in?
Beauty and the Beast. I bet the Beast was TALL.

11. What evil fairytale character would you be most likely to be?
The witch from Rapunzel.

12. What poet (living or dead) would you have write you a love poem?
Robert Burns. And I'd get at least two poems out of him - a in love poem, and a break up poem. AWESOME. As long as he didn't refer to me as Haggis in either poem. Yuck, Yuck, YUCK. But his poetry is Yum, Yum, YUM.

Tagged: Kal, Alicia, Steph, Joab, Shaun, and ANY OTHER READERS. Please provide links - not everyone will have read the same books.

Monday, 8 December 2008

Who Are You?

Please do this quiz. And let us all know the results.

Any peoples having not done so by the time I next see them WILL DIE.

Surprisingly, I am most like Sam.

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Speaking Of Awesome Music

For all those horrible people who couldn't come to the opera on Friday, you missed out BIG TIME. Verdi's Otello was one of the best operas I've EVER SEEN. It was a stunning production as well.

If I didn't contact you, it was most likely that I assumed you had CG on. Apparently that is a good excuse.

Excuse me now, I want to go listen to Verdi.

Everyday Beauty: Music

I'm finally doing another Everyday Beauty post. It's been on my to-do list for about two weeks.

Music is vital. Most people don't realise just how vital it is. Consider:

- How often music is used for worship. No, music does not equal worship, but it is involved a lot of the time.
- Music effects the brain.
- Music changes the way we perceive our environment.

For me, the main qualification for beautiful music is that I like it. I have eclectic tastes, as you can easily see from my list of favourite music on the sidebar. I like the Beatles and Simon and Garfunkle, Celtic and other folk music, folk rock, classical, choral music and children's music. I can even stand listening to Kal's depressing emo music. (It's music. Reb's stuff on the other hand, is not. And sorry, Amy and Joab, who are the only two blog readers who's music I've heard, I don't think much of your noise either. Comments of "But it's Christian music" will see you seriously hurt. It's noise. Christian NOISE.)

I listen to music pretty often. I put in 3 CDs in consultation with Gleda and any other early bird kids (the Bugs get played all the time) but I get to CHOOSE. I choose based on the qualities I want in the kids. Wednesday's kids do not get Simon, the Bugs or any Folk rock before lunchtime. Or after lunch. Or really anytime. They get classical and soft Celtic balads. Because the last thing I want is to hype those kids up.

It means that our room is a Wiggle-free zone. I never minded the Wiggles, but the toddler room plays them constantly.

On music playing - more people should do this. It regularly shocks me that people think I sing beautifully. To my ear I sing nicely, but not beautifully. Most musical 'talent' comes from practise (most, not all) and pretty much everyone can sing well with practise and instruction. Most singing is in the breathing - and I'm actually better since having damaged lungs. I have to use my technique. Before I was lazy.

Regarding my playing of music, I practise piano once a day, most days (though it has fallen off this week and last - not well) and I pretend to play the harp. I have other instruments that I want to be able to play (guitar, tin whistle - I actually sound really good on the tin whistle (breathing again) and so I can play anything in the book, but nothing out of it) but I'm not up to them.

So, the point of this post - make your life everyday a little more beautiful. Put a CD in the CD player!

Tuesday, 2 December 2008


Kal: "Oh look, I got mail! It's from the Red Cross. They want my blood!"

I Can't Blame Joab

But I can blame Kal. Kal, my head hurts. I blame you. (Smashing your head against a cup of tea really hurts. I have a slowly growing bruise.)

Why did I hit my head? Because of THIS

Sunday, 30 November 2008

The Finer Arts of Jacket Stealing

For the few people who don't know, Cors and Justin got married yesterday. And the weather was cold. FREEZING. And whilst I was prepared with my thick jacket, most girls were wearing their pretty dresses, which are not the warmest.

This resulted in jacket stealing.

It appears that not everyone knows the rules of jacket stealing. Including several blog readers. So here they are:

1. Boys are the givers of the jackets. They may NOT steal them from girls. Unless you are under the age of ten and are stealing from a mother or much older sister. This means that SHAUN YOU MAY NOT ASK FOR MY JACKET.
2. If you are in a relationship you may only steal/give your jacket to your significant other. ALICIA! Family members are an exception here.
3. A single girl may steal a jacket from ANY single boy.
4. Single boys MUST give up their jackets when asked. You may NOT ask for it back unless your teeth are about to break or your skin has taken on a purple tone.
5. Boys may offer their jackets, but are not oblidged to. Do not help the girl put on the jacket unless you are in a relationship. That is considered hitting on a girl, and your (probably pure) motives (and jacket) will be shunned. Unless the girl likes you.

They are the rules. Break them at your peril!

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Where Your Treasure Is, there your heart will be also

So, I was telling the kids the story of Beowulf today. What? The story of Beowulf is too gross and violent for 3-5 year olds? Lalala I can't hear you!

Anyways, I'm up to the part where the servant sneaks into the dragon's cave and sees the treasure. I go into detail - there are diamonds as big as my foot, rubies as big as your head, crowns that fit giants, etc etc etc. "There is every type of treasure hidden in the cave!"

Big Ella looks at me and asks excitedly, "Even cupcakes?"

And Ella joins the rank of my aphid babies. Hyper, blonde, and SUGAR ADDICTED aphid babies.

Homeschool Humor

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Opera Comments

Shaun went to his first ever opera! Madama Butterfly!

Here are a selection of comments made by him and Adam:

Shaun: So the play's set in Japan.
Me: Yep
Shaun: Involving Americans
Me: A-ha
Shaun: And it's in FRENCH?
Me: Italian.

Adam: I always get Madama Butterfly mixed up with the Mikado.
(Where's my crossbow?)

Adam: Why is the kid taking a bow? He didn't even sing.
Shaun: The kid always steals the show.
Me: Look! He's waving. He's so CUTE!

Adam: The moral of the story is, don't be a geisha.
Me: The second moral is, don't be a bigamist.

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Just Plain Mean

For some reason Joab doesn't want me to have this...

I can't think why

Hey Reb

Do you want to spend another $945?

Vision Forum is offering another tiered sale!

One of the free gifts is a crossbow!

Monday, 24 November 2008

Opera Ticket

For Madama Butterfly.
This Wed (the 26th). Cost is $45.

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Giveaway: Princess Adelina

Kim C from Life in a Shoe is giving away a book! Which would alone be cause enough for delight. Because as you might have noticed, I love books. Especially ones from Vision Forum. (Sam is a future quiverful mummy! Yay! The only Pentacostal quiverful ever... or at least the only one I've ever met!)

Anyway, the point is, the book looks awesome. I haven't read it yet, but it was one of the free items I got from my massive order. You know, the one where we spent so much I got all this stuff! And I was going to buy it, but I prefer to get things for free. (Who doesn't?!)

Which book? The Princess Adelina: An Ancient Christian Tale of Beauty and Bravery. The Coughlan family found and edited the book themselves!

Now, I already have a copy of this book, but I know a person (who may or may not be known as Reb) who would like a copy too. So here's hoping I win it!

Failing that, Haison, your Christmas present is found.

I Love Autistic Children

Lachlan T is squaring numbers. The kid is four.

"One times one is ONE. Two times two is FOUR."

He can do up to 13 times 13.

Actually, he can probably do higher than that. I can't, at least not in my head.

Do any of you know how many autistic kids I've taught? Way, way so many.

Simon vs the Bugs

I choose the music for work every day. Because I am awesome. So today, I chose wonderful, wonderful music. Including Simon.

Mishu walked past the CD player and prompty turned it up. He does that. He turned it up to the max. He does that too. I turned it down. I do that.

Mishu and Ethan began dancing. Because it's Simon. As if you wouldn't. So I asked him, "Who is better, Simon or the Bugs?"


Gleda and Alana disagree. "Bugs are way better than Simon, Sam."

Calling all readers to comment. Simon or the Bugs?

Monday, 17 November 2008

The Silkworm Season Has Ended, But the Spider Season is All Year

Joab, the kids REALLY want you to come in. I explained that there were no longer any silk worms. They were upset, until Mishu realised that they could get you to eat something else. Here are their suggestions:

- Spiders
- Sand (why, I don't know, they all love sand, and eat it any chance they can. Hey - fibre)
- Paper
- Our plants
- Ants
- Lizards
- Birds
- "Whatever we can find"

And Joab, I'd stay away from Kew for a while. You may be tackled and forced to eat live insects.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Reb Match-Makes

Reb is one of those people who match makes when they are in lurve. And as the boys at Waverly Centre are not ready to ask out (read - chicken) such lovely (read - desperate) girls as me and Kal (note - Kal is not desperate, but I have enough for both of us) she's keen for us to go and meet all the boys at the City centre.

I am sceptical.

I notice that there are few boys willing to stand up to me at all. Few Aussie boys, fewer Waverley church boys, and my general impressions of City Centre is that I could make those boys cry as easily as I could Christian. Which is to say, far too easily.

I'm going to be single FOREVER.

Amy assures me that mission trips are good ways of meeting / going out with someone. Apparently a significant proportion met / became interested in each other on mission trips.

I'm going to be single FOREVER. Sam is not a mission trip girl. And unless there is an orphanage involved, don't even ask.

Kal and I Divorce, Cutody Battle Ensues

Kal and I are getting divorced. She said I just wasn't the same person as she started having babies with. Something about me being a bad mother. And all because I'm willing to have Joab come in and eat the babies in front of the kids.

She even called me names. "Britney Spears" was one of them.

I blame Joab. Because that's fun.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Hope Has Become Coupledom

People are clearly listening to me. They are coupling up.

- Reb + Haison
- Alicia and Trent
- Yuka and Kay
- Elaine Wong and Rob

Still Waiting:
- Amy
- Mavis
- Kal
- Joab
- Shaun
- Joce

And of course ME!

Next point for my plan of taking over the world: getting people to have BABIES!

Bookmooch Update, Christmas

I have 216.6 points.

I am waiting on 39 books. I received 4 yesterday.

I have 869 books on my wishlist.

Point - if you are wanting to get me a present for Christmas, feel free to go through this wishlist and buy one for me. I don't even care if it is second hand.

Wow! looking through I notice I have a lot of maths books on my wishlist. I mean, I've got a lot of books of most sorts, but I've got more maths books than I was expecting.

On other Christmas goodness - I would like the remaining Elsie books (7 and 8), and the Violet books. If people are wanting to get me a big present because I am so wonderful (or if you are pooling with another few people) then a new piano keyboard would be nice. My parents are (hopefully) going to get me a laptop. Then I will be able to declutter my room. Which will be nice.

Onto the rest of Christmas - I already have nearly all my Christmas presents for other people. I have a few more to get, but mostly I'm done. Most of those that I don't have I know what I'm getting. Yes, you can all hate me. Just remember that if you aren't nice I won't give you that lovely present I already have all ready for you. Mwah ha ha!

Sam not have to pay rent now

because we spent so much at Vision Forum.

Sam is happy. (Though still nauseous / nauseated / wanting to vomit.)

Although our commuicator watches won't go all the way from my work to Reb's work or to Kal's work. That would be fun.


"I do not have issues, I just like stabbing things with knives."

Reb hugged Kal. For like the second time ever.
"Argh!" said Kal.
Reb hugged her again. And again.
"What has Haison done to you?" wondered Kal.
"He makes me happy."

Friday, 14 November 2008

Sam Sick

Yesterday I got vomitted on by little Ella. She had been whiny and came up to me to ask for a cuddle. "A pick up cuddle". So I've got her on my hip when "BLECH!"

This morning, I narrowly avoided being hit with Gleda's own vomit.

Then the phone calls. Liam is vomiting (I did tell them on Wednesday). Bronx is vomiting. Paul is vomiting. Hannah was away again - on Wed she was away with a "stomach bug." Izak came in at 12, and had been vomiting yesterday.

By 9 I was feeling yucky. I chalked it up to the fact that I was vomited on. Probably not my favourite thing about children. By 10 I'm fairly certain I'm not imagining it, but that I should be able to stick out the day. By 11 (lunch time) I tell Helen I'll see how I feel. By 11:30 I know I'm going home.

I make it home without vomiting on public transport, which is a blessing. Then Sam was very sick. Lots and lots.

On the bright side, Reb is home (can't speak, but other than that she is fine) and she was watching the DVD of awesomeness. She then wanted to get a few other DVDs from Vision Forum, so we decided we'd place an order between us. Sam is going to be getting free stuff! Yay! A free sermon, a free book, a free DVD set, a free communicator watch set, AND a free doll.

Don't ask how much we spent to receive these free gifts. Just know that it almost makes being sick worthwhile.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

I Blame You Lot For Not Commenting

So, our household gets food delivered 3 times a week from Aussie Farmers. Including on Wed a big box of fruit and veg (yum!).

Yesterday we got lots of yummy veg. No spinach, which is sad, but (nearly as good) we got a tub of salad mix. I saw it, grabbed it, and cradled it to me.


"That's right," Kal said, "That's your baby. Although, then you are going to eat your baby."

"I'm turning into Joab," I said.

"Argh!" said Kal.

"Hey, now that the babies have grown up, and are all dying, we can give them to him to eat now."

"I wonder how moths would taste? Flaky I expect."

"I think floury. Should we find out?"

Joab, I would be very, very careful about your food in the future ;p

Monday, 10 November 2008

I am a Bad Mum, and I Don't Even Have Kids Yet

I went to ballet tonight. Which was kind of silly of me. I mean, who in their right mind walks half an hour to do an hour and a bit ballet class, then walks half an hour home, when they didn't get much sleep, and haven't had as much sugar as they normally should be eating, due to ridiculous desires to eat food like fruit and vegetables.

So I get to ballet, and I know that I've not had enoguh sugar. So I buy a chupa-chump. And then another. (I chomp them.) Then I do my class.

Then I begin the walk home. And decide to stop in at the milk bar on the way. And buy a mars bar, and some other lollies.

Why, you ask, does this make me a bad mother?

I'm planning to buy a child. (In legal terms, this is called adoption. It happens to cost about $15000 per kid. I think it's worth it.) I am SUPPOSED to be saving. Instead, I am spending my money on junk food.

Bad mother.

Thursday, 6 November 2008


For Kal especially:
The kids often ask what time their mum is going to pick them up. If they are just asking (i.e. they're not upset) I tell them that their mum said they were going home with me on a bus and a train.
Ethan asked, I gave him the answer. He said, "No way, I'll smash your house up."
I replied, "It's coming out of Rebecca's share of the bond."

I asked Stephie how many kids I should have. She thought for a moment, then said, "Hundreds."
That's me gal.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

I'm Going to Start Having To Be Mean To Joab Again

If you lot don't comment. Come on, there is lots to comment on here! Say something!

Zombie Scones

Well, I got to most of my to-do list. Didn't finish my book, or do all of Reb's marking, or listen to all of my audio sermons (I did listen to three though) which is quite enough for a day off.

I could have done more, but I decided that some things are more important. Like making Zombie Scones.

What can I say? Kal and I are doing our bit to ensure we survive the Zombie Apocolypse. We practiced carving up Zombies. Here is our method:

1. Get out a recipe book. Read the recipe, note that it doesn't call for cheese, and so decide to ignore it.
2. Kal starts to carve the zombie skull.
3. Kal gives up the carving. Sam takes over.
4. Sam is far better at chopping up zombie skulls than Kal.
5. Scoop out the zombie brains, wash them, then leave them to dry.
6. Boil the head pieces, so that you can easily cut off the skull.
7. Cut off the skull pieces. Boil the fleshy zombie goodness.
8. Put 2 cups of self raising flour in the bowl, realise that that is not enough, add another cup of self raising and one cup of corn flour (ironically made from wheat).
9. Mix in butter. A whole lot.
10. Put in three eggs.
11. Add milk.
12. Add all the ricotta cheese in the fridge.
13. Add all the parmeson cheese in the cupboard.
14. Add about 400g of grated cheese.
15. Add milk powder.
16. Add milk until it seems to be doughy.
17. Mush the fleshy zombie.
18. Add the mushed flesh.
19. Add pepper.
20. Add canene pepper
21. Add chives
22. Add more cheese

Bake for 15 minutes, at 220 degrees.

Eat yummy zombie scones.

Who said we were never going to survive the zombie apocolypse?

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Reb is bad at shopping

So, I'm cleaning. Or rather I was. I cleaned the kitchen, then moved onto the bathroom. Only to find that when I had sent Reb out for cleaning products a while back, she had NOT BOUGHT THE RIGHT ONES.

I wanted ajax powder. She bought Domestos.

I hear everyone saying, "So?" Everyone except Steph, who is going, "Oh no. Tell me you didn't clean with Domestos. Sam! Sam!"

Sorry Steph.

You see, I am ALERGIC to Domestos. Same reaction as what I have to strawberries. Only quicker, and lasts longer, and getting a dose of it is far less pleasant than eating strawberries.

So the bathroom is half cleaned, I've got a headache, and am itchy all over. I can't shower for at least 24 hours (sorry everyone, but no one will notice) and am very, VERY cross.

Reb, you are finishing cleaning the bathroom.

We Interrupt This Day of Getting Things Done To Bring You The Following Anouncement

The babies are all grown up (sniff, sniff) and now they are safe from Joab. And now they are mating and laying eggs. Which will impress Reb no end. (The last lot of babies we had that started making babies with each other seriously freaked her out.)

Yay! Babies!

Everyday Beauty: A Mini Art Gallery

Back years ago, when I was living above the dojo, I had a mini art gallery. There were hundreds of paintings in my gallery - hundreds. Each was perfect dolls size, and was put on my art gallery wall wherever I thought it looked nice, along with the details of the painting.

What I did was: whenever I went past the art gallery I would grab 2 of any of their brochures. They produced at least 2 types a month, so I would have 4 brochures a month. I'd take them home, go through them, and cut out any of the paintings I liked, along with the statement: "Above, John Smith, painting of a field".

You need 2 of each brochure, because sometimes they put paintings back to back, and if you only have one you have to choose.

And then I got tiny little bits of bluetac and stuck them all to my walls.

It looked really cool! Everyone who ever went into my room would always comment on it.

This is great for a small room, or you can adapt it for kids and make a dolls art gallery.

Today's To-Do List

- Connect
- Finsish reading gospel of Luke
- Music Practice 1
- Read The Red Badge of Courage
- Pick up a parcel from post office (it so better be open)
- Clean kitchen
- Clean bathroom
- Reb's marking
- Audio Sermons
- Sort papaers
- Blog post
- Music prac 2
- Repot plants (they are suculants, and I think even I cannot kill them)
- 1 load of washing.

Bookmooch Update

I am waiting on 52 books.

I have 212.1 points.

My lists of books I want to read / own are 23 pages and 6 pages respectively.

My wishlist has 708 titles listed.

I am mental.

Sunday, 2 November 2008

It's Official

There are now only two desperate girls in our house. Okay, only me and Kal were desperate to begin with. And I have enough desperate for several households.

Well, if Reb was desperate, she is so no longer.

Welcome to the We Love Rebecca club Haison! You can be president.

They met at PNG, and when they gave testimony they are both like, "It was the best time in my life" and Kal and I, who knew, were like, "how sweet" and then we kept teasing Reb from the other side of the church. Which you probably shouldn't do during sermon. Hmm, Sam not very spiritually mature.

So, on the car ride back from church on the same Sunday, Kal and I are working out how to best tease them. I begin with stating how I think Reb should have 5 children. He said that Reb had already told him about that.

I mentioned that at the OC 2007 Reb had asked me to persecute her so that she would grow faster. I am happy to oblidge. Reb said that it has done so.

So I looked at them and smiled. And then I said, "You know, my Mum reckons that Eurasian babies are the best looking babies in the world."

Reb turned very red. ("I did not!" claims Reb "Hey! Stop writing that!") My work here is done.

Welcome to the blog Haison!

Real Add Found in Thursday Adds This Week

Dinosaur, 2 million years old. Outside pet, not house trained. Very expensive to feed, eats 50kg of red meat everyday, aggressive on empty stomach. $99 ono.

We were going to phone, but our phone doesn't have speaker, and what's the fun if you can't record it and put it on my blog?

Saturday, 1 November 2008

Who's For Dinner?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

The question is, who would I eat first?

(My family actually discussed this when the SARS was an issue. We decided that Dad would be the first to be eaten - he was the oldest, the fatest, and the one least useful for the general survival of the group. We decided that Mum was next... because she's too bossy, and being stuck with her 24/7 would suck big time.)

(I was not a Christian at the time of this conversation.)

(The order still stands.)

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Five Little Scorpians

Every Tuesday, I bring in an animal. Because Tuesday's kids are sedate and unlikely to kill the poor creatures I make suffer. Today I brought in some earwigs (eww, earwigs).

Alec looked at the earwigs adn asked, "Are they scorpians?"

"No Alec, they are earwigs."

"Can you bring in some scorpians next week?"

"No Alec."

So when we did singing, ans we sang Five Little Ladybugs we then sang, at Alec's request, Five Little Scorpians.

Well, at least they all end up dead.

Sam Did Not Get Her Nap Today

The Folks At Vision Forum Would Probably Agree

Stephanie hadn't seen all the different doll dresses, so I was showing her, with Alana and Jonty looking again. Jae Hong came up too, and saw this picture.

"It's SUPERGIRL!" he cried out.

Sam Is Disguised

When I walk into work, Jae Hong and Ethan usually run up and hug me and say, "Sam! Sam! We love you Sam!" etc etc. Today was different. Jae Hong ran up, and then noticed that Ethan was not.

"Ethan, it's SAM!"

Ethan looked at Jae Hong as though he were an idiot. "That is not Sam," he said. "She is wearing PANTS!"

Monday, 27 October 2008

Get Taken Hostage at Madama Butterfly

So, as most of you might have noticed, I have weird dreams on occasion. Not your usual weird dreams. WEIRD ones.

So, last night's was I was at the opera and everyone was taken hostage. It wasn't too bad. I never did work out what they were taking people hostage for, but really, that's not the point.

The point is, there are 2 spare tickets up for grabs for Madama Butterfly. They are I think $45, and it is on Wed 26th of Nov at 7:30.

Who wants to be a hostage with me?

Sunday, 26 October 2008

Sam Hates Inaccuracies

Ps Ian finally did it. He said something WRONG. I hate it when people say things that are WRONG in sermons. It annoys me like you wouldn't believe. I was sitting there fuming, thinking, "That's WRONG!" until he made the funny statement about the blind man looking at the mud.

I do not care that he was quoting. It was WRONG.

And before you think that is bad, I am STILL cross with these people for their innacuracies:
- Ps Wilson. The Amish are not dying out.
- Wes. The Emancipation proclimation. Did not free all the slaves in America. Only those in rebel-controlled Southern states.
- Uncle Peng. Moths are in cacoons, butterflies are in chrysilises. Although I am less cross, because I pointed it out to him. Reb has told me to do so, because I fume about it.

Wes's sermon was over a year ago. I'm still cross. Ps Wilson should be glad that I was not at the Bible conference, because I would have been very, very cross when he again made the same inaccuracy for a second time.

Yes, I am aware that these are all minor points in sermons. But I HATE it. They are WRONG!

Monday, 20 October 2008

My Day In the Kitchen

Our cook is away, and today I got kitchen duty. I was to start at 7:30, a horrible hour to start work.

Within 20 minutes I had flooded the kitchen. I'd never uses a dishwasher before.

On the bright side, judging from the colour of the water after I mopped the floor, the kitchen needed flooding.

Then I set about chopping fruit and making sandwiches. Until 3:30. Where upon I stopped. Because I worked continuously, so I got to go home EARLY!

Sam likes going home early.

Now for music practice before ballet class.

I promise I won't flood it.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Speaking of Kid Art

From Here in the Bonny Glen.

Every Day Beauty: Art (Part 1)

I just read The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer. Awesome book! Reb flipped through it this morn and said, "I highly approve of this book." Kal thinks it is more-than-slightly scary.

This book is not specifically only on homemaking, though that is (obviously) the main thrust of the book. Rather, it is, as the subtitle says, about creative ideas for enriching everyday life.

God is the first artist, and even though his work has been vandalised it is still incredibly beautiful. You only have to look at a sunset to see this. Humans are created in the image of God, and we too like to make things beautiful.

And so, I'm starting a new category for my blog - Everyday Beauty. And the first section is on art.

What decorates your walls? What sits on your bookshelves? Would any of it be termed 'art'?

Now, most of us cannot afford original art by the masters, but we can still have art in our homes and places of work. Here are some generalised ideas and ways that I have implemented them in the past.

1. Reproductions
You can buy reproductions of the great masters for a very small amount of money. In some cases you can get for free buy going to the National Gallery and asking them if they have any promo posters for current or past exhibitions that they are giving away. I've done this once, and came away with two massive posters - one of The Scream, on of a lady from the Impressionists exhibition. I was there for a free talk on something, and they mentioned that you can do this. So I did. I also have a small (about the size of two postcards) poster of Starry Night by Van Gough. My big posters are not up at the moment (The Scream is not really a bedroom poster, and the living room has more than enough posters of cats etc in it) but my little copy of Starry Night adorns the inside door of my locker at work.

2. Kid Art.
Some of the best pieces of art I've ever seen are by kids. Picasso said that all of his work was trying to draw like a child. Some of the kids at work are AMAZING (big Ella, Gleda and Priscilla immediately spring to mind, big Ella and Gleda for their painting, and Priscilla for her "Priscilla moments" which are sponaneous still life sculptures using the toys in our room). I have a few pieces of kid art in my home.

Mikey's drawing:

Daniella's painting:

3. Your own art.
Sure, most of us can't draw or paint, at least not at a level we are satisfied with. But you would be surprised. My drawing, quite frankly, sucks. The only people who think I can draw are very small children. And that's because I draw things like fairies and mermaids and pirates, and they like any drawing of fairies and mermaids and pirates. But you can make your own art. Tennesse has several of his paintings up on the walls of his house. Some of them are not particularly good, and are more there because that's the easiest way to store them, but there are one or two that are beautiful. Try wire sculptures or pottery.

My ballerina:

Reb's plate and goblet:

There really is a lot that can be done to make the places we spend a lot of time in more beautiful!

If anyone else wants to post any pictures etc of their houses and the art in them, send me a email and I'll post them.

Saturday, 18 October 2008

For Kal


Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

Today's To-Do List

- Connect
- Music Prac 1
- Music Prac 2
- CD 2
- 4 Learning Stories
- Read Every Thought Captive
- Light Globe
- KFC Costume
- Tune Harp
- Go through Books
- Email Auntie Violet
- Pay credit card
- Transfer money to my savings account
- 1 Load of washing
- Rearrange bedroom
- Handwashing
- Polish Shoes
- Read Getting Organised

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Documentary on World Populations

Demographic Winter

Quote from their website:
"Couples decide to have children for all kinds of reasons – religious, emotional, cultural, etc. Money doesn’t seem to be one of them, although money concerns are sometimes cited as a reason for having fewer children."

Who thinks I can single-handedly reverse this trend? It will be a big ask, even for me, but I'm willing to try...

Now, all I need is a partner in crime...

Monday, 13 October 2008

Sam Muses

Would a prose edition of The Odyssey go in the poetry section, or in the general (i.e. non-kids) fiction section?

I put in in the poetry section, but I'm torn. TORN I say!

And who found the title aMUSEing?

Saturday, 11 October 2008

I Record Songs

I wrote a few songs for KFC memory verses. Auntie Violet asked me to record a few of them and a few songs for the kids so they can practice for the Christmas service.

Here is a excert. Kal thinks it is a number 1 hit. She did the filming, but for another project. We combined the two for viewing amusement.

Quiz: What verse? Points / chocolate for winners.

Amy, you are barred from entering, as you have an unfair advantage (access to the KFC curriculum)

I Am Clearly Sick

Why? I've been eating really well this week. Okay, I had ice-cream for dinner twice. And I just ate ice-cream for breakfast. But seriously, the rest of the time has been scary nutritious. Here's what I ate yesterday:

- a bowl of chocolate porridge
- a wholegrain sandwhich with basil spread, sliced mushroons and cheese
- two peces of raison bread
- a salad with lettuce and semi-dried tomatoes
- about 1/3 of a cucumber
- a pear
- a banana
- two tubs of pureed apple
- half a vegemite and cheese sandwhich (white bread)
- an extra banana slice
- a few watermelon slices (finger sized ones - I think I had three)

And then for the junk food:
- two sweet bicuits
- 1 bowl (and not even a large one) of homemade ice-cream

You know what is worse? On my break I noticed that there were lots of sweet biscuits in the cupboard. And I ate, I WANTED to eat, my sandwhich. Free sweet biscuits!

Man, I MUST be sick.

Monday, 6 October 2008

David + Kaye's Wedding

Finally up to putting up the photos for this.

Anyway, for church friends, two of my school friends got married recently - David and Kaye. I missed the wedding, but made the reception. It was beautiful - and everyone danced. That is because it was a Jewish wedding, and Jewish boys dance. They all dance hyper, and I think that is way, way cool. Claire said that she wants a Jewish wedding. Eli told her that it takes 2 years to convert. She replied that she didn't want to become Jewish, she just wanted to wedding. I like the bits where you throw lollies at the couple, and then the kids scramble to get the lollies so they can eat them. I think I'm going to steal that bit at least.

The happy couple

Claire, Steph and Winnie.


For some reason there are no photos of me on either my camera or Winnie's. Not one. There will be some of me dancing in the official photographs - though not as many as there will be of Steph. The photographer thought that Steph dancing was the highlight of the evening.

It was very romantic - the best bit was that the music for their dance together cut out, but they kept on dancing. And when it came back on, they were in time. It was so sweet.

More people need to get married. Okay, okay, I know Cors and Justin are. And Jas and Chris. But really, is that enough?

Tulip Farm

On Saturday I went to the Tulip Farm with Kal and her CG. There were flowers. I ate a lot (not the flowers though).

Sam takes good photos.

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Way So Cool

If you look at all of my book lists on a semi-regular basis, you will notice that I update them. I add books when I find something really special. It has to be REALLY special for me to put it up as a favourite on my blog. Not that they are all perfect (I consider My Place to be hugely politically flawed, but I still love the book, and I want one day to make a similar book myself - and one like Window)

For PSB (Picture Story Books for those of you who aren't kidlit people) my favourite ever has to be Not A Box. So great! My criteria for PSBs is fairly stringent, especially if I'm buying new, because those things are aout $20 a pop, and I can't spend that kind of money on something that easily. Especially something that lasts less than 5 minutes. But I bought Not A Box new the moment I saw it at Readings.

Criteria for a PSB:
- Pictures have to make me feel happy. Some can be really lush, or realistic, or collage photos, or simple, but they HAVE TO BE WELL DONE.
- Story needs to be good. 'Nuff said.
- It needs to be worded properly. If I hear something that aint written there, it probably isn't written well. When you read it, it needs to sound as though there is NO OTHER POSSIBLE WAY it could have been phrased.
- Morally appropriate. This rules out a lot of books. In a book, if a kid does wrong, they need to get punished. I won't read Olivia and the Missing Toy to my kids at work because she is a brat who is repeatedly rude to her parents, mean to her siblings, ungrateful, and her parents encourage her to be materialistic. I don't like many 'classics' for this reason, and don't have them - I gave the Rainbow Fish to work, because in my opinion it degrades natural gifts and encourages children to be 'just like everyone else' and it promotes communism. Seriously, I think that. We can talk about my issues in the comments, but my kids aren't reading The Rainbow Fish.
- Able to be read 5 times IN A ROW without me feeling ill. Because kids will ask for it at LEAST that many times if they like it. At LEAST. But in all honesty, if you can stand it five times in a row, you can stand it as many times as the kid(s) want to hear it.

Not A Stick is a book that I desperately want. I.E. one I'm going to be buying at Readings when I get my Readings voucher. Or at Readings before I get my Readings voucher, so I get a bigger Readings voucher. Check out the interview with Antoinette Portis - so awesome. And I want A Penguin Story too.

I need to earn more money. Oh well, Christmas is coming.

I Love Kids

"Hey Sam, can we listen to The Bugs? Me and Taya want to dance."
- Alana has a great taste in music

"How old are you Sam?"
"I'm twenty-four."
"I'm turning four too!"
- Lily believes that I am clearly one of the kids.

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Currently Reading

- The Genesis Flood
- Always Ready
- The Double Helix
- The Normans
- The Poems of W.H. Davies
- The Gospel of Matthew

Hoping to get to soon:
- Characters around the cross
- A Live Coal in the Sea
- Mathematics: Is God Silent?
- And a few light kids books when I feel like it.

I have over 182 bookmooch points. I was vaguely aiming for 200 for when Reb gets back, but I don't think I'm going to get another 18 points by tomorrow. On the other hand, that is only 6 books being mooched - so it might happen. Reb thinks that when I get 200 points all will be right in the world.

What are you all reading?

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Obviously I am Winning When It Comes To Desperation

I was sitting with Zoe outside, with some of the other kids nearby. Amber went by with her little brother Tristan. Zoe looked at me and asked, "Why did God give Amber a brother?"

I said that God must have thought that as they already had a girl the family needed to be balanced out.

"But I've got Vicky! And Ella has Sophie! Why did God give me Vicky?"

"So that you would have a little sister to play with." (I'm thinking, these are easy questions. Thought too soon.)

"Oh. Hey Sam, how come God doesn't give you a man?"

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Also at Church...

I went into the boys toilets three times. Seriously. The girls toilets were locked, and Samuel is toilet training. The third time I had to change him. The entire time I was thinking "I really hope no boys come in here, because this is going to be embarassing.

Keith again tried to find a husband for me. His advice: "Ignore the person. Focus on the body!" I'd like to point out to Steph that this boy is a leader. And he even has a girlfriend.

Shaun and I played 1-2-3 with Samuel. You know, the game where each person holds one of the kids hands, and then on the count of three you swing him into the air. The thing is, Shaun and I are strong, and Samuel is light. We swung him horizontal a few times. We comtemplated flipping him over, but decided that Auntie Violet might not appreciate.

Joab is a cannibal

At church today, Kal and I shared touching stories of our babies. Our sweet and adorable babies. Kal is the father and I am the mother. We have 14 babies, but one is not expected to live much longer.

Joce guessed our babies. They are stripy and gluttons. They get their appetite from me - but not their ability to maintain a slim figure.

So what happens next? I was telling Joab about the babies, and you know what he said, "Silkworms are good to eat."

I told him he is not allowed over to our house.

"No, really, they're good! And full of protein!"

Later, Kal and I got a lift down to the Glen with Chris and Jas as we needed to buy food for the babies. And then:

"You know, you can infect silkworms with a type of fungus, and then they are really tasty," said Chris. He then proceeded to tell us all about this type of fungus. Even Jas was getting a bit grossed out. And as for Kal and me - well, they're our babies!

Then Chris told Jas that it was such and such a food, and Jas turned around to us and said, "You know, they're actually really nice."

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Maybe I Should Apologise

I lost my face mask a week and a half ago. Very annoying, because it keeps my skin looking less like one of my favourite foods. I had no idea where it had gone to.

I found it about 5 minutes ago. Outside. On the roof. Seriously.

It had blown/been knocked out of the bathroom window, and had laid on the little roof there.

So why do I need to apologise? Aside from to all of the people who have had to see my bad complexion in all its natural lack of glory. I need to apologise to Zoe and Hannah.

You see, I only was outside because I was hanging out my handwashing. And I only had handwashing because my beanie needed washing. And the only reason why my beanie needed washing was because Zoe and Hannah stole my beanie from my head and dumped water, sand and tanbark on it. As you might imagine, I was really cross. And I let them know that.

But if they hadn't, I would be stuck with bad skin for a long time. So I probably should apologise.

Man, God works in mysterious ways.

Friday, 26 September 2008

I Love the Beatles

Seriously. Once Claire said to me that you can't be sad if you're listening to the Beatles. This week at work has been kind of awful. Okay, I want to kill management. So I brought in my Beatles No 1 Singles CD.

I'm so doing it Monday.

The kids danced to it for about an hour, with me and Libby dancing/singing along, then we turned it off, and then we turned it back on and they danced some more, and Helen took photos. The kids like the Beatles, they also think I'm crazy, because I did hyper-kid-dancing. Along with the hyper kids.

So doing it Monday.

I'm not sure what fairy tales she's been reading

A few days ago I was sitting with Lily, when I noticed that it was 10:30. Time for me to have a break. Now, I'm a big believer in child training. Almost every other teacher has occasionaly problems with kids when it is time for them to go on their breaks. Not me. I tell all the kids I'll turn into a grump when I don't have a cup of tea. Once I didn't, and Alana was being a very naughty girl. She said later, "You really DO turn into a grump Sam! I thought you were just fibbing because you wanted to eat chocolate." (That girl is smart.)

Anyway, I look at the kids and say, "What happens when Sam doesn't have her cup of tea?" And they reply really joyfully, "You turn into a GRUMP!" Like it's the best thing in the world.

So, I'm sitting with Lil. And I need to go and eat my chocolate and drink my tea. So I ask, "What happens when Sam doesn't have her cup of tea?" And lIL replied: "You turn into a frog!"

Monday, 22 September 2008

We Interrupt Previous Funny Posts For Something Serious...

Sorry to take everyone away from the amusement of finding Joab a wife. (Poor boy.) But I thought I would remind everyone to keep me in prayer at the moment. I've been getting better since spring started, but I recently had a bad cold, and while I'm better from the cold I have a very nasty cough. The kind that results in ventolin every few hours.

So please be praying.

And get back to making amusing suggestions.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Joab is a Desperate Drama Queen

So, for those of you who haven't been reading the comments, here's the low-down. We started off trying to find me a husband, and it quickly morphed into finding Joab a wife. The problem is, remember how picky I am. Joab is a billion times worse.

Here are the girls I have suggested, and Joab has rejected:
- Kal
- Amy
- Joce
- Fawn
- Alicia (only half rejected)
- Yuwan
- Mavis
- Esther

So, because Joab is so picky (and he doesn't object to us teasing him on my blog) we'd like to open the floor for nominations. Feel free to nominate friends and enemies alike.

Joab, feel free to list your criteria. So we can at least make either very funny or vaguely suitable suggestions.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

My Seminar

So, as I mentioned, I went to a seminar. I went to the Understanding Music Seminar. I missed out on a lot to go to this seminar. I missed out on the Bible Conference, and missed David and Kaye's wedding ceremony, and even got to the reception over an hour late. And it cost $750, and the sequel which I am doing next week, also costs $750.

It was SO worth it.

Go on, click on over, and see all of the claims it makes. It actually meets the claims. It is AWESOME!

Reb Is Also Unobservant

I've briefly mentioned the fact that Reb is a crazy cat lady. Kal and I decided to mess with Reb's head over them. Except she hasn't noticed.

The cats as Reb remembers them.

The cats fight.

The cats make up.

Monday, 15 September 2008

Kal and Reb are Meanies

I am so sad. I just spent 10 minutes crying. Because Kal and Reb are mean.

Reb said to Kal, "Oh, did you tell Sam your good news?"

Kal looked at me and said, "I'm getting married."

Reb added, "In 15 months,"

I wanted to know who. I was so happy. And then Kal told me she was making it up. I was so devestated. I was really crying.

Kal's real good news: She got / is getting a paper published.

As if that compares to her getting married.

Thursday, 11 September 2008

I Love Saturdays

I have decided to do cool stuff on Saturdays. Stuff that I wouldn't do normally. The next two Sats are out, as most people are at the Bible Conference and then at the evangalism ship that Reb is always talking about. Besides, I'm on PDs for both of them. (That's right, you are all going to miss me at the church conference - I'm not there.)

So, the next Saturday - the 27th of September - I'm going to the zoo. And I'm probably going to spend ALL DAY in the butterfly house.

Who wants to join me? It'll be fun!

Monday, 8 September 2008

Please Mooch

Please. I have 109.1 points. And I just added a whole lot that are no doubt going to be mooched within 24 hours. How do I know this? Because in the 40 minutes since I added them 2 have already been mooched. Seriously.

Please search for books. Rebecca and I can't fit many more in our house.

I need a new bookshelf.

I still have another 20+ boxes of books at my mums. I'm predicting that I'll have another four or five boxes that are for mooching. Please, please choose a book or two. There are lots available.

Keith Finds Me A Husband

Finally someone other than just me and Kal (and Mikey) is looking for a husband for me. Keith is too. And Jocelyn. Unfortunately, Keith's idea of finding a husband for me involves suggesting any guys he saw and then telling me very strange virtues they have. (Joce's virtues are sensible.) Here are a few examples:

- Joab. He has already heard that he got mentioned, and his response was we'd kill each other. Keith's explanation of Joab's virtues includes: "He and you match! You're both wearing pink!" I pointed out that Joab had been know to change his shirt occasionally. Keith's next list of Joab's virtues included: "He has a shiny car and a keyboard." Jocelyn went for the slightly more rational explanation of Joab's virtues: "I heard he's looking for a girlfriend and he likes kids."
- Shaun Rimos. Keith: "He makes desserts." Jocelyn: "He does KFC."
- Kien. Keith: "He's tall. And he'll put on weight eventually." Jocelyn: "He also likes kids."
- Chew. "He's tall. And he likes kids. He even let Mikey knee him." Kallie found this hilarious. So did Joce. Me: "NO!"
- Lionel. "He's tall." Joce: "He's also in KFC." Me: "He'd curl up in a ball and die."

Keith also went through Christian and Dhany. I pointed out that I would kill both of them.

There is a solution to this problem. We need to evangalise more.

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

More On Kids And Marriage

Izak and Lily are both relatively new. However, they were both quick to jump on the band-wagon of getting Sam married. Hey, they are the only ones other than me putting in any effort to this momentous task.

Lily told me today that I could marry Benjamin. I asked her, "Who's Benjamin?"

She lent forwards and whispered, "He's a boy."

"A boy! I'm sold!"

Sunday, 31 August 2008

I May Be Fat, But the Kids Love Me

I got this card last weekend. I taught Daniella in my internship year - 2006.

Friday, 29 August 2008

The Photo

Joab was the only one that commented. But Dhany and Kevin both said I should post it. So in the interests of self humiliation...

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Reader Poll:

Do you want to know what I'm going to look like after 20 kids?

Because I have a photo. I labelled it "Sam looks fat".

Kal has seen, and would like to confirm that I am in fact fat in this photo, it is not photoshopped.

Note to self: Never wear Rebecca's dressing gown again.

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Just in case you've missed this...

Dear Sam,

We are delighted to offer you a wonderful opportunity to feature in a pretentious artistic production. We could not help but notice that you are a pretty girl with great expression and a natural ability to command attention. These qualities make you suitable for our project, which will be a music video that visually explores a psalm using an irrelevant soundtrack and overkilled visual metaphors. We apologise for contacting you this way; we realise this comment is posted out of context but you do love comments (small consolation). We hope you seriously consider this offer. Please address your response and any questions to our staff located in The Bedroom With Wolf Posters on the Door, Your House, The Earth.

Yours sincerely,
Short Trash Productions Team <3

Sam-Is-Mad said...
Dear Short Trash Productions Team,

Thank you for noticing that I am pretty and command attention. Some people (ignorant people) would say that is because I am loud. Ignorant people.

I would love to appear in all music videos that are being made. A salary of large quanties of chocolate is necessary in order for me to consider working on your very worthwhile project.

Joab said...
.... you ARE loud...
ignorance is bliss, therefore I am blissful

Anonymous said...
Dear Samantha,

Thank you for accepting our offer. Filming will begin soon, however we cannot offer you an exact date as this is dependent on meteorological conditions. We shall keep you informed. While, as a non-profit organisation, we cannot offer you a salary, we wish to console you with that fact that we are giving you exposure and experience in the music video industry.

If you have any questions contact our staff, who are currently located in the Spooky-Cat-Filled-Living-Room, Your House, The Milky Way.

Yours once again,
The Short Trash Production Team.

Sam-Is-Mad said...
Careful Joab, you are now officially both mean AND ignorant

Sam-Is-Mad said...
Dear Short Trash Production Team,

Now that the space has been slightly de-catted, and planted, isn't it a million times better? Not perfect, I admit, but better, so much better.

As long as the song being played isn't the one I just made up for KFC...

"Be kind to everyone..."

Sam-Is-Mad said...
No chocky, no worky.

Anonymous said...
Dear Samantha,

While we cannot be bothered to repay your involvement with a salary of chocolate, we will concede to offering cheese pizza of the gourmet kind on the night of filming completion. As you consider this proposal, allow your mind to think of brie, camembert, blue, mozarella, chedda, swiss, cottage, feta, corby, tasty, and other delightful things of goodness.

An alternative to this would be to film you without your permission and when you do not expect it. While we recognise this unorthodox method is not ethical and will take longer to gather the footage we require, it would at least be free. Do not think we are above such things as stalking and exploitation.

And just incase your mind has wandered, let us reiterate an important point. Cheese pizza.

Yours dangerously,
The Short Trash Production Team.

PS- Be comforted to know we shan't use your song, but something more depressing and less educational.

Speaking of Work...

On Monday, i.e. my first day back at work, I cut up a dead fish.

The fish is indeed dead

I let the kids touch a fish that dies of unknown causes.

The fish is dead. Pointing to it makes this certain.

The knife goes in...

And slides down the middle...

Off with his head!


And then we held a funeral.
I am NOT weird.
The kids think I am the coolest.
The staff in the other rooms have a slightly different opinion.

Thursday, 21 August 2008

On Work and Doctors

The general consensus has been that I should go and see a doctor. In fact, every time Jean-Marc sees me he says, "Go and see a doctor." Before he says anything else. The truth is I've been on waiting lists for some time.

So I was actually pleased when I was told last night (at 11:30PM) that I could get an appointment for today.

Until this morning, when I phoned work, and they said NO.

I was actually quite upset. But I went to work all the same.

Then at 11, when Libby goes to lunch. We are supposed to get a reliever in now. Because otherwise Libby is going to quit. But today, we don't. Because the reliever decided that she wanted to take her daughter to the dentist.

And now I am ropable

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

On My Blog

I got an email from someone I mooched from. Here is it's contents:

"I read your blog very fun. When you get those lots of kids, you want,you might get that chronic fatique. I just call it motherhood syndrome."

Well, Steph doesn't have kids (yet, but I'm praying) and apparently people with CFS feel great while they-re pregnant. It's afterward that is the real downer.

Incidentally, her mooch name is 8izenuff.

Monday, 18 August 2008

What'd I Tell You Kal?

On Wed, not last week but the week before, I came home and ate a block of chocolate. In less than five minutes. The day was that bad. And I said to Kal that I wouldn't be surprised if someone quit next Wed, as the worst kid of the bunch was sick. (Arnold bites. He mostly bites kids who deserve it, but apparently we're supposed to stop such things.)

So, how did they find last Wed?

Libby told them if they didn't give us another staff member she was going to quit. And as she's new, she only has to give them 24 hours notice. And she can take that 24 hours as a sick day.

We now have someone covering our breaks.


I had a horrible dream last night. My CG is combining with half of another CG. I dreamt that they decided they had too many people, and so they were putting me in another CG. They decided to put me in the medical CG.

That would be awful. Sorry to Joc and Joab who are (I think) both in that CG, but if I had to sit down and hold conversations with lots of doctors and prospective doctors, I think I would die. I would start crying and/or my head would explode.

Urgh! Doctors.

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Free Books for All

I have about a million bookmooch points. I lie. At the moment I have 75.6 - however, as soon as I can go over to my mum's with someone with a car (probably Reb) I will be picking up some more boxes of books, many of which will be listed for mooching.

And so, all my devoted readers, the about 7 of you, feel free to browse and see what you want. If there are any books you want, email me their details (samismad @ hotmail . com) and let me know, and I'll try and mooch them for you. It isn't a guarentee, especially if they are from overseas. But you can have as many books as you want.

I do have to know you, so if you're stopping by my blog and don't know me, either sign up for bookmooch yourself (it's free) or come along to church and introduce yourself. If I know you, then just email me or pass the details at CG / Touching Heaven / Church / the ballet / etc. Even mean people can mooch.

Joab is Mean, Jonathon is Hopeless

So, at church today, I am happily eating the food everyone has brought. I have a slice of pizza, a doughnut, and TWO strawberries. Yummy, delicious strawberries. And as I'm walking about, comtemplating the deliciousness of strawberries, I hear this sound...


You know you're in trouble when you hear your last name. I looked up and smiled innocently, as if to say, "Who, me?"

"STRAWBERRIES!" Joab said.

I decided to make my exit. I dashed behind the crowds of students, then calmly exited, pleased that my strawberries, my delcious red strawberries, were safe. And then I was accousted by Cors.

"Is that a good idea?" And she TOOK my strawberries away. "No more!" she said.

I was sad. Having lost my strawberries, it was safe to go talk to Joab. "Corina took my strawberries," I said mournfully.

"I know, I told her to."

"But... my strawberries..."

"You are ALLERGIC."

"But... strawberries..."

He lacked sympathy. Mean boy. I went over to Reb to tell her all about it. Apparently she is going to congratulate both Joab and Cors when she next sees them. I've managed to get strawberries past Emily, Keith, Kien, and even her. Because they are not mean. Finding that Reb lacked sympathy, I went and told Jocelyn. She had sympathy. Until Joab joined the conversation and pointed out to her that I am allergic to strawberries. Mean.

Then I went back to the YPG table, and told Jonathon. He said, "Don't worry, have some tomatoes." As if you could compare TOMATOES with STRAWBERRIES.

Mean. Very mean Joab. :(

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Please Pray For Steph

Most of my readers haven't met Steph, though a few of you will have seen photos from my blog. She's one of my closest friends from high school. As several of you know, Steph has chronic fatigue. Recently, when travelling with her husband Tennessee and her family her legs gave way. She now needs a wheelchair to get to and from uni, and for many other aspects of her daily life. She can stand and walk for a short time, up to 15 minutes.

If you could all be praying that Steph would dance before the Lord. This prayer incorporates 3 aspects:
1. Healing of her legs and of chronic fatigue
2. Steph's salvation
3. Steph loves dancing! She hasn't been able to really do so since getting sick in (I think) 1999. (Sorry if I'm wrong on the year Steph, I'm horrible with dates).

Thank you all for your prayers!

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

What I Did... Aside From Sleep

I slept in today. And then I did pretty much nothing. I read a few chapters of Jeremiah, listened to two audio sermons, made chai ice-cream, made pear sorbet. Then I was tired, so I had a lie down.

I fell asleep around 2:30, and I only just woke up. So that's literally all I've managed to do today. I'm hoping to still do some more reading (and hopefully finish something) and I'm listening to a third audio sermon. I also need to memorise a few dances for Saturday, where I'm dancing for my Scots 60th Aniversary. As David (Ross's son David, not David who is getting married soon) is really keen to dance at least one dance with me, I really have to know at least a few. In most dances I'll be able to get other people to help me and point me in the right direction, but when I dance with David I'll have to do that. Ross is finding out which dance David wants to do with me so that I can really learn that dance.

I'll put up photos of the event for you all.

But today... nada. Lots of NADA.

To Do List

I think I've gone a little overboard...

- Read Jeremiah
- Make mixed berry ice-cream
- Pick up boxes from mum
- Sort boxes
- 3 Audio sermons
- Send a cheque
- Post bookmooch items
- Pay a bill
- Phone Australian Unity and set up direct debit
- Set up internet stuff
- Read Voices of the Faithful
- Clean kitchen
- Tidy bedroom
- Make grapefruit sorbet
- Make pear sorbet
- Make chai ice-cream
- Priscilla's learning story
- Read The Country Child
- Work paperwork
- Read The Last Week in December
- Read Alice Sit-By-the-Fire
- Memorise ps 144
- Harp practice
- Read The Normans

Given it's already 11:30, I think I'm not going to get all these things done...


I woke up tired. I'd only had 2 asthma attacks that I woke up for, and I think that I slept through one, which at the moment is really good. But I still woke up tired and sore.

I mucked about on the net for a while, finished Invitation to the Dance, then I walked down to Chadestone. I've walked that before, but that was when I was stressed and full of adrenalin. Walking it yesterday was quite tiring. I bought groceries, mostly for cooking stuff for CG, and then, because it was raining, caught the bus back.

I then set out to cook some choc-studded honey wafers. They were delicious. I only ate two after cooking. I packed some for Rebecca to take to the Frankston prayer meeting, and the rest for me to take to Waverley.

Of course, I forgot that a few people would be fasting dinner. But out of all my regular readers, only one person turned down the cookies, and only a few other people did too. So, reader who didn't eat cookies, if you were fasting, I'm very sorry for tempting you with delicious cookies. If you were not fasting, then I'm not sorry and you missed out. :P

I then got home, and started reading Anthem. It was really interesting. Very well written. I wasn't planning on finishing it, just on reading a few chapters. I did finish it. Then I wrote out my to-do list for today and went to bed.

Regarding today - I went on Bookmooch and found that another book had been mooched. I was surprised to see that it was an Australian mooch, because my points had jumped up quite a bit. So I looked over at my points records to see whether any of my requested books had been cancelled. They hadn't - I'd been given 4 'smooches' of points from someone who had earlier mooched a book from me. It was great, because the book was really heavy and cost a fair bit to post to the UK. I actually considered rejecting it (and another one to the US) because it was going to cost such a bit. But I decided that I was going to get 3 points, and that's three books from Australia, so it was worth it. And then I got the smooches! 7 points! 7 books from Australia, or 3 1/2 from overseas!

Yay! Let's spend bookmooch points!

Monday, 11 August 2008


Do you guys want some serious posts? I'm thinking about it, but I'm not sure. So what do you guys think?

Day Three

I didn't do much. I did some reading, but didn't finish any books. I listened to 3 audio sermons, and planned some cooking for Care Group etc. So I haven't actually done very much.

But here's the good things that happened:
My friend David came over to drop off his wedding invite. I haven't seen him for ages as we're both pretty busy, so it was good to see him, even for only ten minutes. And I got a package of books I ordered from Amazon. Which was lovely. So all in all it was a pretty good day. Even if I got nothing done.

Currently Reading:
- The Genesis Flood
- Invitation to the Dance (a history of the Australian Ballet School)
- A Country Child
- The Normans
- Voices of the Faithful