Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Obviously I am Winning When It Comes To Desperation

I was sitting with Zoe outside, with some of the other kids nearby. Amber went by with her little brother Tristan. Zoe looked at me and asked, "Why did God give Amber a brother?"

I said that God must have thought that as they already had a girl the family needed to be balanced out.

"But I've got Vicky! And Ella has Sophie! Why did God give me Vicky?"

"So that you would have a little sister to play with." (I'm thinking, these are easy questions. Thought too soon.)

"Oh. Hey Sam, how come God doesn't give you a man?"

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Also at Church...

I went into the boys toilets three times. Seriously. The girls toilets were locked, and Samuel is toilet training. The third time I had to change him. The entire time I was thinking "I really hope no boys come in here, because this is going to be embarassing.

Keith again tried to find a husband for me. His advice: "Ignore the person. Focus on the body!" I'd like to point out to Steph that this boy is a leader. And he even has a girlfriend.

Shaun and I played 1-2-3 with Samuel. You know, the game where each person holds one of the kids hands, and then on the count of three you swing him into the air. The thing is, Shaun and I are strong, and Samuel is light. We swung him horizontal a few times. We comtemplated flipping him over, but decided that Auntie Violet might not appreciate.

Joab is a cannibal

At church today, Kal and I shared touching stories of our babies. Our sweet and adorable babies. Kal is the father and I am the mother. We have 14 babies, but one is not expected to live much longer.

Joce guessed our babies. They are stripy and gluttons. They get their appetite from me - but not their ability to maintain a slim figure.

So what happens next? I was telling Joab about the babies, and you know what he said, "Silkworms are good to eat."

I told him he is not allowed over to our house.

"No, really, they're good! And full of protein!"

Later, Kal and I got a lift down to the Glen with Chris and Jas as we needed to buy food for the babies. And then:

"You know, you can infect silkworms with a type of fungus, and then they are really tasty," said Chris. He then proceeded to tell us all about this type of fungus. Even Jas was getting a bit grossed out. And as for Kal and me - well, they're our babies!

Then Chris told Jas that it was such and such a food, and Jas turned around to us and said, "You know, they're actually really nice."

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Maybe I Should Apologise

I lost my face mask a week and a half ago. Very annoying, because it keeps my skin looking less like one of my favourite foods. I had no idea where it had gone to.

I found it about 5 minutes ago. Outside. On the roof. Seriously.

It had blown/been knocked out of the bathroom window, and had laid on the little roof there.

So why do I need to apologise? Aside from to all of the people who have had to see my bad complexion in all its natural lack of glory. I need to apologise to Zoe and Hannah.

You see, I only was outside because I was hanging out my handwashing. And I only had handwashing because my beanie needed washing. And the only reason why my beanie needed washing was because Zoe and Hannah stole my beanie from my head and dumped water, sand and tanbark on it. As you might imagine, I was really cross. And I let them know that.

But if they hadn't, I would be stuck with bad skin for a long time. So I probably should apologise.

Man, God works in mysterious ways.

Friday, 26 September 2008

I Love the Beatles

Seriously. Once Claire said to me that you can't be sad if you're listening to the Beatles. This week at work has been kind of awful. Okay, I want to kill management. So I brought in my Beatles No 1 Singles CD.

I'm so doing it Monday.

The kids danced to it for about an hour, with me and Libby dancing/singing along, then we turned it off, and then we turned it back on and they danced some more, and Helen took photos. The kids like the Beatles, they also think I'm crazy, because I did hyper-kid-dancing. Along with the hyper kids.

So doing it Monday.

I'm not sure what fairy tales she's been reading

A few days ago I was sitting with Lily, when I noticed that it was 10:30. Time for me to have a break. Now, I'm a big believer in child training. Almost every other teacher has occasionaly problems with kids when it is time for them to go on their breaks. Not me. I tell all the kids I'll turn into a grump when I don't have a cup of tea. Once I didn't, and Alana was being a very naughty girl. She said later, "You really DO turn into a grump Sam! I thought you were just fibbing because you wanted to eat chocolate." (That girl is smart.)

Anyway, I look at the kids and say, "What happens when Sam doesn't have her cup of tea?" And they reply really joyfully, "You turn into a GRUMP!" Like it's the best thing in the world.

So, I'm sitting with Lil. And I need to go and eat my chocolate and drink my tea. So I ask, "What happens when Sam doesn't have her cup of tea?" And lIL replied: "You turn into a frog!"

Monday, 22 September 2008

We Interrupt Previous Funny Posts For Something Serious...

Sorry to take everyone away from the amusement of finding Joab a wife. (Poor boy.) But I thought I would remind everyone to keep me in prayer at the moment. I've been getting better since spring started, but I recently had a bad cold, and while I'm better from the cold I have a very nasty cough. The kind that results in ventolin every few hours.

So please be praying.

And get back to making amusing suggestions.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Joab is a Desperate Drama Queen

So, for those of you who haven't been reading the comments, here's the low-down. We started off trying to find me a husband, and it quickly morphed into finding Joab a wife. The problem is, remember how picky I am. Joab is a billion times worse.

Here are the girls I have suggested, and Joab has rejected:
- Kal
- Amy
- Joce
- Fawn
- Alicia (only half rejected)
- Yuwan
- Mavis
- Esther

So, because Joab is so picky (and he doesn't object to us teasing him on my blog) we'd like to open the floor for nominations. Feel free to nominate friends and enemies alike.

Joab, feel free to list your criteria. So we can at least make either very funny or vaguely suitable suggestions.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

My Seminar

So, as I mentioned, I went to a seminar. I went to the Understanding Music Seminar. I missed out on a lot to go to this seminar. I missed out on the Bible Conference, and missed David and Kaye's wedding ceremony, and even got to the reception over an hour late. And it cost $750, and the sequel which I am doing next week, also costs $750.

It was SO worth it.

Go on, click on over, and see all of the claims it makes. It actually meets the claims. It is AWESOME!

Reb Is Also Unobservant

I've briefly mentioned the fact that Reb is a crazy cat lady. Kal and I decided to mess with Reb's head over them. Except she hasn't noticed.

The cats as Reb remembers them.

The cats fight.

The cats make up.

Monday, 15 September 2008

Kal and Reb are Meanies

I am so sad. I just spent 10 minutes crying. Because Kal and Reb are mean.

Reb said to Kal, "Oh, did you tell Sam your good news?"

Kal looked at me and said, "I'm getting married."

Reb added, "In 15 months,"

I wanted to know who. I was so happy. And then Kal told me she was making it up. I was so devestated. I was really crying.

Kal's real good news: She got / is getting a paper published.

As if that compares to her getting married.

Thursday, 11 September 2008

I Love Saturdays

I have decided to do cool stuff on Saturdays. Stuff that I wouldn't do normally. The next two Sats are out, as most people are at the Bible Conference and then at the evangalism ship that Reb is always talking about. Besides, I'm on PDs for both of them. (That's right, you are all going to miss me at the church conference - I'm not there.)

So, the next Saturday - the 27th of September - I'm going to the zoo. And I'm probably going to spend ALL DAY in the butterfly house.

Who wants to join me? It'll be fun!

Monday, 8 September 2008

Please Mooch

Please. I have 109.1 points. And I just added a whole lot that are no doubt going to be mooched within 24 hours. How do I know this? Because in the 40 minutes since I added them 2 have already been mooched. Seriously.

Please search for books. Rebecca and I can't fit many more in our house.

I need a new bookshelf.

I still have another 20+ boxes of books at my mums. I'm predicting that I'll have another four or five boxes that are for mooching. Please, please choose a book or two. There are lots available.

Keith Finds Me A Husband

Finally someone other than just me and Kal (and Mikey) is looking for a husband for me. Keith is too. And Jocelyn. Unfortunately, Keith's idea of finding a husband for me involves suggesting any guys he saw and then telling me very strange virtues they have. (Joce's virtues are sensible.) Here are a few examples:

- Joab. He has already heard that he got mentioned, and his response was we'd kill each other. Keith's explanation of Joab's virtues includes: "He and you match! You're both wearing pink!" I pointed out that Joab had been know to change his shirt occasionally. Keith's next list of Joab's virtues included: "He has a shiny car and a keyboard." Jocelyn went for the slightly more rational explanation of Joab's virtues: "I heard he's looking for a girlfriend and he likes kids."
- Shaun Rimos. Keith: "He makes desserts." Jocelyn: "He does KFC."
- Kien. Keith: "He's tall. And he'll put on weight eventually." Jocelyn: "He also likes kids."
- Chew. "He's tall. And he likes kids. He even let Mikey knee him." Kallie found this hilarious. So did Joce. Me: "NO!"
- Lionel. "He's tall." Joce: "He's also in KFC." Me: "He'd curl up in a ball and die."

Keith also went through Christian and Dhany. I pointed out that I would kill both of them.

There is a solution to this problem. We need to evangalise more.

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

More On Kids And Marriage

Izak and Lily are both relatively new. However, they were both quick to jump on the band-wagon of getting Sam married. Hey, they are the only ones other than me putting in any effort to this momentous task.

Lily told me today that I could marry Benjamin. I asked her, "Who's Benjamin?"

She lent forwards and whispered, "He's a boy."

"A boy! I'm sold!"