Sunday, 30 November 2008

The Finer Arts of Jacket Stealing

For the few people who don't know, Cors and Justin got married yesterday. And the weather was cold. FREEZING. And whilst I was prepared with my thick jacket, most girls were wearing their pretty dresses, which are not the warmest.

This resulted in jacket stealing.

It appears that not everyone knows the rules of jacket stealing. Including several blog readers. So here they are:

1. Boys are the givers of the jackets. They may NOT steal them from girls. Unless you are under the age of ten and are stealing from a mother or much older sister. This means that SHAUN YOU MAY NOT ASK FOR MY JACKET.
2. If you are in a relationship you may only steal/give your jacket to your significant other. ALICIA! Family members are an exception here.
3. A single girl may steal a jacket from ANY single boy.
4. Single boys MUST give up their jackets when asked. You may NOT ask for it back unless your teeth are about to break or your skin has taken on a purple tone.
5. Boys may offer their jackets, but are not oblidged to. Do not help the girl put on the jacket unless you are in a relationship. That is considered hitting on a girl, and your (probably pure) motives (and jacket) will be shunned. Unless the girl likes you.

They are the rules. Break them at your peril!

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Where Your Treasure Is, there your heart will be also

So, I was telling the kids the story of Beowulf today. What? The story of Beowulf is too gross and violent for 3-5 year olds? Lalala I can't hear you!

Anyways, I'm up to the part where the servant sneaks into the dragon's cave and sees the treasure. I go into detail - there are diamonds as big as my foot, rubies as big as your head, crowns that fit giants, etc etc etc. "There is every type of treasure hidden in the cave!"

Big Ella looks at me and asks excitedly, "Even cupcakes?"

And Ella joins the rank of my aphid babies. Hyper, blonde, and SUGAR ADDICTED aphid babies.

Homeschool Humor

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Opera Comments

Shaun went to his first ever opera! Madama Butterfly!

Here are a selection of comments made by him and Adam:

Shaun: So the play's set in Japan.
Me: Yep
Shaun: Involving Americans
Me: A-ha
Shaun: And it's in FRENCH?
Me: Italian.

Adam: I always get Madama Butterfly mixed up with the Mikado.
(Where's my crossbow?)

Adam: Why is the kid taking a bow? He didn't even sing.
Shaun: The kid always steals the show.
Me: Look! He's waving. He's so CUTE!

Adam: The moral of the story is, don't be a geisha.
Me: The second moral is, don't be a bigamist.

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Just Plain Mean

For some reason Joab doesn't want me to have this...

I can't think why

Hey Reb

Do you want to spend another $945?

Vision Forum is offering another tiered sale!

One of the free gifts is a crossbow!

Monday, 24 November 2008

Opera Ticket

For Madama Butterfly.
This Wed (the 26th). Cost is $45.

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Giveaway: Princess Adelina

Kim C from Life in a Shoe is giving away a book! Which would alone be cause enough for delight. Because as you might have noticed, I love books. Especially ones from Vision Forum. (Sam is a future quiverful mummy! Yay! The only Pentacostal quiverful ever... or at least the only one I've ever met!)

Anyway, the point is, the book looks awesome. I haven't read it yet, but it was one of the free items I got from my massive order. You know, the one where we spent so much I got all this stuff! And I was going to buy it, but I prefer to get things for free. (Who doesn't?!)

Which book? The Princess Adelina: An Ancient Christian Tale of Beauty and Bravery. The Coughlan family found and edited the book themselves!

Now, I already have a copy of this book, but I know a person (who may or may not be known as Reb) who would like a copy too. So here's hoping I win it!

Failing that, Haison, your Christmas present is found.

I Love Autistic Children

Lachlan T is squaring numbers. The kid is four.

"One times one is ONE. Two times two is FOUR."

He can do up to 13 times 13.

Actually, he can probably do higher than that. I can't, at least not in my head.

Do any of you know how many autistic kids I've taught? Way, way so many.

Simon vs the Bugs

I choose the music for work every day. Because I am awesome. So today, I chose wonderful, wonderful music. Including Simon.

Mishu walked past the CD player and prompty turned it up. He does that. He turned it up to the max. He does that too. I turned it down. I do that.

Mishu and Ethan began dancing. Because it's Simon. As if you wouldn't. So I asked him, "Who is better, Simon or the Bugs?"


Gleda and Alana disagree. "Bugs are way better than Simon, Sam."

Calling all readers to comment. Simon or the Bugs?

Monday, 17 November 2008

The Silkworm Season Has Ended, But the Spider Season is All Year

Joab, the kids REALLY want you to come in. I explained that there were no longer any silk worms. They were upset, until Mishu realised that they could get you to eat something else. Here are their suggestions:

- Spiders
- Sand (why, I don't know, they all love sand, and eat it any chance they can. Hey - fibre)
- Paper
- Our plants
- Ants
- Lizards
- Birds
- "Whatever we can find"

And Joab, I'd stay away from Kew for a while. You may be tackled and forced to eat live insects.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Reb Match-Makes

Reb is one of those people who match makes when they are in lurve. And as the boys at Waverly Centre are not ready to ask out (read - chicken) such lovely (read - desperate) girls as me and Kal (note - Kal is not desperate, but I have enough for both of us) she's keen for us to go and meet all the boys at the City centre.

I am sceptical.

I notice that there are few boys willing to stand up to me at all. Few Aussie boys, fewer Waverley church boys, and my general impressions of City Centre is that I could make those boys cry as easily as I could Christian. Which is to say, far too easily.

I'm going to be single FOREVER.

Amy assures me that mission trips are good ways of meeting / going out with someone. Apparently a significant proportion met / became interested in each other on mission trips.

I'm going to be single FOREVER. Sam is not a mission trip girl. And unless there is an orphanage involved, don't even ask.

Kal and I Divorce, Cutody Battle Ensues

Kal and I are getting divorced. She said I just wasn't the same person as she started having babies with. Something about me being a bad mother. And all because I'm willing to have Joab come in and eat the babies in front of the kids.

She even called me names. "Britney Spears" was one of them.

I blame Joab. Because that's fun.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Hope Has Become Coupledom

People are clearly listening to me. They are coupling up.

- Reb + Haison
- Alicia and Trent
- Yuka and Kay
- Elaine Wong and Rob

Still Waiting:
- Amy
- Mavis
- Kal
- Joab
- Shaun
- Joce

And of course ME!

Next point for my plan of taking over the world: getting people to have BABIES!

Bookmooch Update, Christmas

I have 216.6 points.

I am waiting on 39 books. I received 4 yesterday.

I have 869 books on my wishlist.

Point - if you are wanting to get me a present for Christmas, feel free to go through this wishlist and buy one for me. I don't even care if it is second hand.

Wow! looking through I notice I have a lot of maths books on my wishlist. I mean, I've got a lot of books of most sorts, but I've got more maths books than I was expecting.

On other Christmas goodness - I would like the remaining Elsie books (7 and 8), and the Violet books. If people are wanting to get me a big present because I am so wonderful (or if you are pooling with another few people) then a new piano keyboard would be nice. My parents are (hopefully) going to get me a laptop. Then I will be able to declutter my room. Which will be nice.

Onto the rest of Christmas - I already have nearly all my Christmas presents for other people. I have a few more to get, but mostly I'm done. Most of those that I don't have I know what I'm getting. Yes, you can all hate me. Just remember that if you aren't nice I won't give you that lovely present I already have all ready for you. Mwah ha ha!

Sam not have to pay rent now

because we spent so much at Vision Forum.

Sam is happy. (Though still nauseous / nauseated / wanting to vomit.)

Although our commuicator watches won't go all the way from my work to Reb's work or to Kal's work. That would be fun.


"I do not have issues, I just like stabbing things with knives."

Reb hugged Kal. For like the second time ever.
"Argh!" said Kal.
Reb hugged her again. And again.
"What has Haison done to you?" wondered Kal.
"He makes me happy."

Friday, 14 November 2008

Sam Sick

Yesterday I got vomitted on by little Ella. She had been whiny and came up to me to ask for a cuddle. "A pick up cuddle". So I've got her on my hip when "BLECH!"

This morning, I narrowly avoided being hit with Gleda's own vomit.

Then the phone calls. Liam is vomiting (I did tell them on Wednesday). Bronx is vomiting. Paul is vomiting. Hannah was away again - on Wed she was away with a "stomach bug." Izak came in at 12, and had been vomiting yesterday.

By 9 I was feeling yucky. I chalked it up to the fact that I was vomited on. Probably not my favourite thing about children. By 10 I'm fairly certain I'm not imagining it, but that I should be able to stick out the day. By 11 (lunch time) I tell Helen I'll see how I feel. By 11:30 I know I'm going home.

I make it home without vomiting on public transport, which is a blessing. Then Sam was very sick. Lots and lots.

On the bright side, Reb is home (can't speak, but other than that she is fine) and she was watching the DVD of awesomeness. She then wanted to get a few other DVDs from Vision Forum, so we decided we'd place an order between us. Sam is going to be getting free stuff! Yay! A free sermon, a free book, a free DVD set, a free communicator watch set, AND a free doll.

Don't ask how much we spent to receive these free gifts. Just know that it almost makes being sick worthwhile.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

I Blame You Lot For Not Commenting

So, our household gets food delivered 3 times a week from Aussie Farmers. Including on Wed a big box of fruit and veg (yum!).

Yesterday we got lots of yummy veg. No spinach, which is sad, but (nearly as good) we got a tub of salad mix. I saw it, grabbed it, and cradled it to me.


"That's right," Kal said, "That's your baby. Although, then you are going to eat your baby."

"I'm turning into Joab," I said.

"Argh!" said Kal.

"Hey, now that the babies have grown up, and are all dying, we can give them to him to eat now."

"I wonder how moths would taste? Flaky I expect."

"I think floury. Should we find out?"

Joab, I would be very, very careful about your food in the future ;p

Monday, 10 November 2008

I am a Bad Mum, and I Don't Even Have Kids Yet

I went to ballet tonight. Which was kind of silly of me. I mean, who in their right mind walks half an hour to do an hour and a bit ballet class, then walks half an hour home, when they didn't get much sleep, and haven't had as much sugar as they normally should be eating, due to ridiculous desires to eat food like fruit and vegetables.

So I get to ballet, and I know that I've not had enoguh sugar. So I buy a chupa-chump. And then another. (I chomp them.) Then I do my class.

Then I begin the walk home. And decide to stop in at the milk bar on the way. And buy a mars bar, and some other lollies.

Why, you ask, does this make me a bad mother?

I'm planning to buy a child. (In legal terms, this is called adoption. It happens to cost about $15000 per kid. I think it's worth it.) I am SUPPOSED to be saving. Instead, I am spending my money on junk food.

Bad mother.

Thursday, 6 November 2008


For Kal especially:
The kids often ask what time their mum is going to pick them up. If they are just asking (i.e. they're not upset) I tell them that their mum said they were going home with me on a bus and a train.
Ethan asked, I gave him the answer. He said, "No way, I'll smash your house up."
I replied, "It's coming out of Rebecca's share of the bond."

I asked Stephie how many kids I should have. She thought for a moment, then said, "Hundreds."
That's me gal.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

I'm Going to Start Having To Be Mean To Joab Again

If you lot don't comment. Come on, there is lots to comment on here! Say something!

Zombie Scones

Well, I got to most of my to-do list. Didn't finish my book, or do all of Reb's marking, or listen to all of my audio sermons (I did listen to three though) which is quite enough for a day off.

I could have done more, but I decided that some things are more important. Like making Zombie Scones.

What can I say? Kal and I are doing our bit to ensure we survive the Zombie Apocolypse. We practiced carving up Zombies. Here is our method:

1. Get out a recipe book. Read the recipe, note that it doesn't call for cheese, and so decide to ignore it.
2. Kal starts to carve the zombie skull.
3. Kal gives up the carving. Sam takes over.
4. Sam is far better at chopping up zombie skulls than Kal.
5. Scoop out the zombie brains, wash them, then leave them to dry.
6. Boil the head pieces, so that you can easily cut off the skull.
7. Cut off the skull pieces. Boil the fleshy zombie goodness.
8. Put 2 cups of self raising flour in the bowl, realise that that is not enough, add another cup of self raising and one cup of corn flour (ironically made from wheat).
9. Mix in butter. A whole lot.
10. Put in three eggs.
11. Add milk.
12. Add all the ricotta cheese in the fridge.
13. Add all the parmeson cheese in the cupboard.
14. Add about 400g of grated cheese.
15. Add milk powder.
16. Add milk until it seems to be doughy.
17. Mush the fleshy zombie.
18. Add the mushed flesh.
19. Add pepper.
20. Add canene pepper
21. Add chives
22. Add more cheese

Bake for 15 minutes, at 220 degrees.

Eat yummy zombie scones.

Who said we were never going to survive the zombie apocolypse?

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Reb is bad at shopping

So, I'm cleaning. Or rather I was. I cleaned the kitchen, then moved onto the bathroom. Only to find that when I had sent Reb out for cleaning products a while back, she had NOT BOUGHT THE RIGHT ONES.

I wanted ajax powder. She bought Domestos.

I hear everyone saying, "So?" Everyone except Steph, who is going, "Oh no. Tell me you didn't clean with Domestos. Sam! Sam!"

Sorry Steph.

You see, I am ALERGIC to Domestos. Same reaction as what I have to strawberries. Only quicker, and lasts longer, and getting a dose of it is far less pleasant than eating strawberries.

So the bathroom is half cleaned, I've got a headache, and am itchy all over. I can't shower for at least 24 hours (sorry everyone, but no one will notice) and am very, VERY cross.

Reb, you are finishing cleaning the bathroom.

We Interrupt This Day of Getting Things Done To Bring You The Following Anouncement

The babies are all grown up (sniff, sniff) and now they are safe from Joab. And now they are mating and laying eggs. Which will impress Reb no end. (The last lot of babies we had that started making babies with each other seriously freaked her out.)

Yay! Babies!

Everyday Beauty: A Mini Art Gallery

Back years ago, when I was living above the dojo, I had a mini art gallery. There were hundreds of paintings in my gallery - hundreds. Each was perfect dolls size, and was put on my art gallery wall wherever I thought it looked nice, along with the details of the painting.

What I did was: whenever I went past the art gallery I would grab 2 of any of their brochures. They produced at least 2 types a month, so I would have 4 brochures a month. I'd take them home, go through them, and cut out any of the paintings I liked, along with the statement: "Above, John Smith, painting of a field".

You need 2 of each brochure, because sometimes they put paintings back to back, and if you only have one you have to choose.

And then I got tiny little bits of bluetac and stuck them all to my walls.

It looked really cool! Everyone who ever went into my room would always comment on it.

This is great for a small room, or you can adapt it for kids and make a dolls art gallery.

Today's To-Do List

- Connect
- Finsish reading gospel of Luke
- Music Practice 1
- Read The Red Badge of Courage
- Pick up a parcel from post office (it so better be open)
- Clean kitchen
- Clean bathroom
- Reb's marking
- Audio Sermons
- Sort papaers
- Blog post
- Music prac 2
- Repot plants (they are suculants, and I think even I cannot kill them)
- 1 load of washing.

Bookmooch Update

I am waiting on 52 books.

I have 212.1 points.

My lists of books I want to read / own are 23 pages and 6 pages respectively.

My wishlist has 708 titles listed.

I am mental.

Sunday, 2 November 2008

It's Official

There are now only two desperate girls in our house. Okay, only me and Kal were desperate to begin with. And I have enough desperate for several households.

Well, if Reb was desperate, she is so no longer.

Welcome to the We Love Rebecca club Haison! You can be president.

They met at PNG, and when they gave testimony they are both like, "It was the best time in my life" and Kal and I, who knew, were like, "how sweet" and then we kept teasing Reb from the other side of the church. Which you probably shouldn't do during sermon. Hmm, Sam not very spiritually mature.

So, on the car ride back from church on the same Sunday, Kal and I are working out how to best tease them. I begin with stating how I think Reb should have 5 children. He said that Reb had already told him about that.

I mentioned that at the OC 2007 Reb had asked me to persecute her so that she would grow faster. I am happy to oblidge. Reb said that it has done so.

So I looked at them and smiled. And then I said, "You know, my Mum reckons that Eurasian babies are the best looking babies in the world."

Reb turned very red. ("I did not!" claims Reb "Hey! Stop writing that!") My work here is done.

Welcome to the blog Haison!

Real Add Found in Thursday Adds This Week

Dinosaur, 2 million years old. Outside pet, not house trained. Very expensive to feed, eats 50kg of red meat everyday, aggressive on empty stomach. $99 ono.

We were going to phone, but our phone doesn't have speaker, and what's the fun if you can't record it and put it on my blog?

Saturday, 1 November 2008

Who's For Dinner?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

The question is, who would I eat first?

(My family actually discussed this when the SARS was an issue. We decided that Dad would be the first to be eaten - he was the oldest, the fatest, and the one least useful for the general survival of the group. We decided that Mum was next... because she's too bossy, and being stuck with her 24/7 would suck big time.)

(I was not a Christian at the time of this conversation.)

(The order still stands.)