Sunday, 15 February 2009

Happy Valentines Day Kal

Kal and I were discussing who got the better Valentine's Day Hearts. She got more, but my one lonely one was from a boy, which apparently outweighs ones she got.

I can't have Kallie losing to a loser like me. So, she's getting some Valentine's from me! To save paper, it's going on the blog.

1. Dear Kal, you cook so well. If I were a boy, I'd marry you. Love Sam.

2. Dear Kal, you like the Beatles. That is so awesome. Love Sam.

3. Dear Kal. You can put together IKEA furniture. If I was a boy... well, if I was a boy I could probably put it together myself. So there goes that plan. Love Sam.

4. Dear Kal, I still think you are way prettier than me. But then, it's the boys that count. Love Sam.

5. Dear Kal, boys are stupid. We are both single. Premise sufficently proved. Love Sam.

That's all I got for now. When I think of more I'll comment.


Anonymous said...

To my darling Sam,

here are several valentines in response (seriously, you should have received at least five from real boys, not just one).

a. Dear Sam, you have a twisted sense of humour. That's an awesome feature. If I were a boy who was 2 feet taller, I'd marry you!

b. Dear Sam, you cook well too. And you like cheese. If I was a boy who wanted 20 children, I'd definitely marry you.

c. Dear Sam, I think you're pretty and very feminine and graceful. If I was a boy who could carry you while you were pregnant, I'd marry you (assuming you weren't pregnant before we got married).

d. Dear Sam, you are extremely knowledgeable and firmly stick to your opinions. Not compromising on certain things is good, and though I often don't agree with you I admire your strength in this area. I'd marry you, if only for the awesome discussions we could have, but alas I'm not really a boy, and you're not a boy either.

e. Dear Sam, yes, we are both still single. On the bright side, I'm secretly kinda glad you're single otherwise I'd be ALL ALONE IN MY LONELINESS. You're much less selfish than me in this regard. Just for you I will make the following sacrifice:

Dear everyone who reads this (plus all your male friends). Sam is pretty, awesome, and pretty awesome. Why is she still single?! Some people need to get their acts together before I change my gender, have leg extension surgery and... I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

-Love from Sam's secret Anon.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

What do you mean you wouldn't marry me if I was pregnant?!

There goes our plans...

Sam-Is-Mad said...

To ruin someone else's reputation...

Anonymous said...

Well, if it was mine then I would do the responsible thing and marry you...

However, I'm a bit jealous and untrusting so the fact that you'd cheated on me and the kid isn't mine would probably mean the end of our relationship.

-Jealous and Possessive Lover Anon.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Do you realise how dodgy we sound?

Anonymous said...


(that's because we are dodgy)



Sam-Is-Mad said...

Seriously boys, Kallie is a catch. In fact a far better one than me. Unless you want 20 kids. Then I am better.

- Pretty
- Good cook
- Awesome sense of humour
- Can put together IKEA furniture.

Seriously, what more do you guys want?

Sam-Is-Mad said...

She also listens to actual music. Mostly not to my taste, but it's real music.

And she likes the BUGS.

Anonymous said...

Correction: Sam is a better catch for boys. Why?
a. She cooks and cleans very well.
b. Also has an awesome sense of humour.
c. She has confidence in herself (apparently boys find this attractive).
d. She has a nice figure.
e. She also listens to real music.
f. She has strong convictions and knows what she wants.
g. She has a pretty face.
h. She is resourceful and creative.
i. She happily tolerates bugs and doesn't tease the crickets.
j. She is well read.
k. She is highly intelligent.


Sam-Is-Mad said...

Sam's Downsides:

a. She wants 20 children
b. Manic-depressive, hyper-obsessive, annoying, temper-tantrum throwing ...
c. She wants 20 children
d. Not spiritually mature
e. 20 is a BIG NUMBER
f. She's just plain psycho
g. 20!!!!!
h. She never shuts up!
i. 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
j. She is not a good cleaner. I think I don't need to prove my point.
k. Being a good cleaner means nothing when you have 20 CHILDREN!
l. She isn't pretty.
m. 20.
n. The good figure. It's not going to be there after 20 kids.
o. 20.
p. 20
q. Who WANTS 2 kids? Other than Sam, I mean.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Correction: Kal is a better catch for boys. Why?
a. She cooks very well.
b. Also has an awesome sense of humour.
c. She does the washing up.
d. She contains her mess.
e. She also listens to real music.
f. She doesn't know what she wants... at least not obsessively so.
g. She has a VERY pretty face.
h. She is resourceful and creative.
i. She happily tolerates bugs and doesn't tease the crickets.
j. She is well read.
k. She is highly intelligent.
l. She comments on my blog
m. She doesn't want 20 kids.

There are more, but I'm lazy, so I'll repeat Kal's previous comment that BOYS SHOULD FIND THESE OUT FOR THEMSELVES.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Neither of us leave lights on.

Anonymous said...

Why Kallie sucks:
a. No self confidence
b. Extremely self conscious
c. Suffers from social anxiety
d. Sometimes macabre sense of humour
e. Bad posture
f. Has arguably bad taste in music
g. Likes animals
h. Likes animals including insects
i. Depressed
j. Was shy mentioned?
k. Cowardly
l. Suppresses emotions and is currently a bit screwed up.
m. Unmotivated.
n. Overanalytical and reads between lines that aren't even there.

Anonymous said...

Correction: Sam's upsides.

a. She's good with kids.
b. She's exciting to be around.
c. She's shown herself to be reliable with kids.
d. She's got "bible smarts" and remembers verses easily.
e. 20 is an even number.
f. She's interesting.
g. She doesn't want to have 20 kids all at once.
h. She's honest with her opinions.
i. 100/5= 20
j. She IS a good cleaner.
k. She can handle the chaos that comes with lots of kids.
l. Actually, she is pretty.
m. 18 + 2 = 20!
n. The good figure still exists, even if it is only temporary.
o. 20 has nice colours.
p. There were 12 tribes. 12 plus the best number, 8, equals 20.
q. Lots of people probably want 20 kids. They're just shy.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

8 is the number of super abundance, and super fertility.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

And I'd like to comment that the cleaning is NOT good. Evidence was in our cupboards. Evidence has been destroyed. Otherwise boys would think badly of me.

Anonymous said...

Unless you were the one in there "making the evidence" then I disagree. You cleaned the evidence up. No one else even knew there was evidence.

I like 8, but only because it's green, not because it is superabundance.

joab said...

i stopped reading after a while... Why are you both trying to marry each other off?

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Hey! No one is allowed to stop reading! You're supposed to be able to tell all your friends about the lovely girls you know. (Okay, pretend I'm lovely.)

And seriously, where have you been for the last million years? We've been trying to marry each other off for ages now. Partially because we both think the other should be married off, and partially because we want to live out our lives vicariously through others - and living out life through Rebecca is gross.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Besides, boys at church are really bad at giving compliments. And by really bad, I mean that they never do. It's one of my biggest gripes. I feel like I'm furniture - and it makes nice change when I go out with my secular guy friends and they say how pretty I look all the time. They know that compliments don't mean they want to go out with me, it's about treating girls differently from guys. Church boys may offer to carry all the heavy stuff, but in all honesty, I can probably carry more than half the guys at church, in spite of my delicate appearence. I'd rather compliments.

All right, off the soapbox and on to work.

shaun said...

I think complimenting girls is like a lost art to some of us. But probably you should account for the fact most boys in church are Asian. Different culture.

But Joab is weird, he notices when girls cut their hair. He should be complimenting girls then.

shaun said...

Walks and sees Sam holding a baby in one hand and the pulpit on back.

"Hi, Sam, looking good!"

Walks away.

Sam collapses.

Baby lives.

The end.

Maybe I should become an author one day.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Shaun, half of my secular friends are Asian. They are still able to tell girls that they look pretty.

Incidentally, only two boys from church have ever complimented me. And they both read the blog...

You both should be doing more of that.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

And other girls too. Compliment Kal - she was kinda shocked that my friend Adam thought she was very attractive.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Adam thought she was VERY attractive.

Pity he's a secular Jew.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Boys from church, you have competition.

Adam said...

Kallie is hot.

Sam is nuts.

'nuff said.


Adam said...

plus IKEA furniture!

But honestly, I like to buy my furniture pre-assembled.