Sunday, 8 February 2009

Why Did I Get Roped In For This?

Multi-cultural week is coming up. Our church is celebrating it. I'm not exactly sure why. We have Singaporean Chinese, Malaysian Chinese, Indonesian Chinese, and Chinese Chinese.

Anyway, they are putting on a performance of different cultures. And I, being a person of a different culture, get to perform in it.

After being convinced (with the promise of no rehersals, meetings or other such things) to do this, I went home and thought.

I thought about the Irish dancing I know.

I thought about the Scottish dancing I know, then dismissed it, because I know mostly Country dancing, and that means I would have to train other people (at least 5, preferably 7) and that would involve rehersals.

I then got the bright idea of singing a Scottish Song or two. After all, I performed in Scotland the Brave two years in a row. I know heaps of them well enough to perform.

I then thought about what Scottish songs I know.

I thought about singing I Belong To Glasgow.

I thought about singing Donald Where's Your Troosers.

I thought about singing My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose.

I thought about singing Green Grow the Rushes O. There are some worthwhile lessons for all the boys in church there.

Then I imagined Rabbie Burns coming to Hope Kirk and knocking some sense into our boys. It was a wonderful image.

I came to my senses, and realised that Rabbie Burns is in fact dead. He was born 250 years ago, you know.

I then remembered that my harp is commonly called a folk harp or a CELTIC harp.

I then remembered that I can play the Irish Black whistle.

I have arranged a practise schedule of doom.

Why am I so psycho?

Why doesn't Rabbie get me out of this?

Is it because he's sae weary, fu' o' care!

I think I have issues.

Oh well. At least I'm actually going to practise my harp now.


Sam-Is-Mad said...

All I now have to sae is:

"Will ye no comment again,
Will ye no comment again,
Better loved ye canna be,
If ye should comment again."

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Bonnie Prince Charlie is turnin' o'er in his grave.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should perform some good old traditional English stuff... like the Beatles =D

Or even less traditional stuff... like Muse (not that anyone from church would know or appreciate Muse, but I can do bass covers of their songs).

Unfortunately, people like me who have a hometown called Japan don't have culture. So we're going to tax yours. If you want your culture returned, please leave $10 in unmarked notes in a black suitcase near the Elizabeth Street exit escalator on Platform 4 of Melbourne Central Station tomorrow at 9.05am.


Sam-Is-Mad said...

Yay! The Bugs.

I'm going to look for music for harp now.

Anonymous said...

Look, harp is nice, but you need to pay the ransom.


Sam-Is-Mad said...

You forget, I'm English. I consider it my duty to spead my culture as far as possible, especially to people who don't want it.

Even in your home town of Japan.

Anonymous said...

You can't spread what you don't have. $10. Black suitcase. 9.05am tomorrow. And then you'll get your culture.


Sam-Is-Mad said...

My culture is like a bacteria. It will spread in spite of your efforts to contain it.

Anonymous said...

See this?


Yeah, see that dot? That's a piece of your culture I just squashed. If the cash ain't there tomorrow, the rest of your culture will be swimmin' wif da fishes.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

You think I care? Do you know how many cultures I've got?

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Please specify which of my cultures you have. I'd like to know whether it's worth it.

Anonymous said...

Basically all of the ones worth anything over 50cents plus $4.95 postage and handling on ebay. I plan on ransoming each back to you every day until I save enough to retire.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Sorry, I still have enough of my Scottish and Jewish cultures to refuse your offer because I'm too stingy.

Anonymous said...

That's okay. Wait... someone wants to talk to you.

"Help! Sam... I..."

That was your anglo culture. The key word there is was. Your anglo culture is now in a shallow grave, one that it dug for itself. So, how much do you care for your Mongolian culture? It's up against the wall.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

You can have my Mongolian culture. It's not a minority at church.

Anonymous said...


Just so you know, that's me being shocked.


Ohmnomnom (sounds of your Belgium culture being consumed).

Mmm... that tasted like chocolate. Belgium chocolate.

Anyway, I'll leave you with that thought because I need to get on with my life. You know, cultures to ransom, people to harass, showers to have...

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Belgian culture does taste nice.

Danish culture does too. And it is tall.

Now I'm hungry! Meanie! I'm going to get chocolate all over my harp strings.

joab said...

hey, i comment and i get bashed!

Sam-Is-Mad said...

That's because boy-bashing is an olympic sport. I plan on representing my nation in it. And there are limited boys who read my blog.

- You
- Shawn
- Beau
- Adam

Adam and Beau don't read regularly, and I bash Adam way worse than you in real life. So he can have a break online.

I tried to bash Shawn, but it just didn't work. I tried, honest I did.

You, on the other hand, reply so beautifully. It just invites further bashing. It makes my day.

shaun said...

No one can bash me, I'm an immovable object.

shaun said...

maybe if you bake me something, I'll bash you back.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

See what I mean? Who can reply to such statements?