Wednesday, 25 February 2009

My Day

I thought I'd let you all know that I invented a new way of crawling. You scoot along on your rear with your left foot in front of you, never touching the ground.

Why would I do such a thing?

Because I am in PAIN.

I was sick on Tues, so took the day off. While I was busy vomiting, my foot was conspiring against me.

I woke up this morning at 4AM, with my foot slightly swollen and with my eyes doing that thing they like to do when I feel pain. Oh yeah, that would be crying.

Left notes for Kal and Reb, watched Heroes.

Then, after they had left, I set out for the doctors.

It took me 45 minutes to walk. 45 minutes of bad pain.

They said, "you've done something to the muscle inside the foot." For that technical answer, which Kal had already given me, they charged $60. Dr speculated that I might have problems with my feet. I was sent for x-rays. That was another 200 houses away. It was only 400 to the doctors.

I got my feet x-rayed. I then started walking back. I stopped because it hurt, and I illegally caught a tram. I then hobbled to the train station, where I illegally caught a train, but had to get off because ticket inspectors came on, and I didn't want to get a fine to add to my $233 that I payed for my doctors.

I then walked the rest of the way home, crying all the way. My foot hurt.

It is now very swollen.

Do you want the really bad news?

I probably won't be able to dance on Saturday!

And even worse! How am I going to ge to Taco Bills on Friday to get trashed on Margaritas? Tragic! I am awaiting a strong man to carry me there and back, but then I've been waiting for ages.

In the mean time, I'm watching brainless movies, blogging, and trying not to do that thing that my eyes do when I'm in pain. I hear it ruins make-up. Fortunately, I'm not wearing any, but we must keep up habits.

I'm off work tomorrow, if anyone wants to stop by and visit me. Just remember, it takes me a while to crawl to the door.


Anonymous said...

Dear readers,

please pray for Sam's foot to be healed. Also, in case it isn't all better by Saturday... does anyone want to learn swing dancing with me? It's at 1pm, Camberwell (accessible by public transport), $14 for an hour. PLEASE I'M DESPERATE. You don't need experience.


Sam, your foot is mean. You should buy a new one.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Deal. You hold me down while Reb cuts it off. It'll probably hurt less.

Confused-cius said...

Gee, I would come, but I forgot the address to your house.
And I'm confused, if you're crawling, and your head is first, but your left foot is in front of you, that is one heckuva split. Unless the left foot goes behind and over the head, that's a reflux angle there. (Crawling is something caterpillars or babies do, right?)

Anonymous said...

Sam says:
Dude, if I'm crawling on my rear then my head is to the back.

So no splits are involved.

I-wish-I-was-in-a-dictionary said...

Babies crawl but not with their heads to the back. What you're doing deserves a new word.

Lwarc would be cool.

You are lwarcing on your rear.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

If you want to get technical, I was crawling. Crawling is typically done facing down, with belly on the ground, with the crawler pulling himself along in a cross-patterning motion. However, it encompasses all movement along the ground where the crawler's body is predominantly in contact with the ground.

Creeping is different, and can only be done on the hands and knees with the belly upraised above the floor.

Not only that, but many babies crawl in a similar manner, though not with their leg off the ground. This is seen on nearly all babies when they encounter stairs.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

That said, I like the fact that in less than a week I've created two new movements - the Charlesterina and the lwarc.