Thursday, 12 June 2008

Be warned, I am serious here...

So, Kal and I and a few others have been talking a lot. More or less what we normally do. In our discussions it has been mentioned by a few people (Kal, Joc, Jonathan, and I think one other person) that I am putting all my ideas of happiness into me being a wife and mother.

In some senses they have a point. But here's me trying to explain my point.

I don't actually expect to be HAPPY as a wife or mother. I'm not expecting to be miserable, but I don't want to be a wife/mum in order to be happy. Happiness is not the point. I am expecting that by and large I will be happier (I am one of those females who really is far happier with a guy and around children) but that isn't the POINT.

The point is meaning.

Being a wife and mother is for me the most MEANINGFUL thing I can do. There is nothing more significant than making someone you love smile. Than making a favourite dinner for no other reason than that you love them. Than reading the same awful story to your kid five times - a night. (I did that for over a year with my youngest brother.) There is nothing more fun than watching a little child grow, and the closer you are to that kid the more precious it is. There's nothing funnier than watching them make faces at each other when they are cross with each other, when you know that they are going to be best buddies in two minutes.

My job now, and all other jobs I've had, just don't have that level of meaning. And I love my job. If I was a career woman, I'd want to do my job forever. But I put in to 'my' kids, only to have them go home and have some of their parents undo all my work. When it comes to those whose parents actually support things like the kids being obedient, that usually gets undone within their first few years at school. People think that by putting into LOTS of children I'm compounding my influence. But I'm not, I'm spreading it around, I'm diluting it. And I'm building up relationships with people (mainly kids) who will disappear rather abruptly, with nothing to show for it. And then there are the regulations - not only no smacking, we even have no time-outs. (I still do them, I just call them calm down times - Mwa ha ha).

With my kids, whether I have my hoped for 20+ or merely 1 or 2, my influence, and that of my husband, will be real. What we put in will actually show fruit.

And THAT'S why I want more than anything to be a stay-at-home-wife and homeschooling-mother


Anonymous said...

Okay, just to clarify:

1. I wasn't so much saying that you were basing your life's happiness on having kids. I was trying (and failing) to point out to Jonathan that there is a difference between happiness and joy. He mentioned Richard Gere. I got confused. He won.

2. I agree. Not about the having kids etc part, but about doing something meaningful.

3. I disagree. Your job has a lot of meaning, and I'm not referring to influencing kids lives, blah blah blah. It should have meaning for you because it is training you for your own hordes, and it is opening your eyes to the follies of some parenting behaviours.

4. I envy that you know so specifically what it is that you want.

5. Those dvds are evil. Ever since watching one I've been having nightmares involving public transport and Gilbert Blythe and fish. How does this relate to that dvd? I don't know, but I need something to explain it =D

Take care Sam.

Love Kallie

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Gilbert Blythe is good looking. Back when I was 8 I had a crush on him. He was my 8-year-old Horatio.

He's so much more a Horatio than an Archie.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

Regarding number 3 - It's not as though my job is absent of meaning, either for me or anyone else. But when I compare it to the idea of teaching my own kids... or even 'just' keeping house for my husband while we wait for kids... it just doesn't compare.

And I already knew most of the parenting things (I never count to three - I believe that's teaching kids that they don't have to listen until I get to two) and my hordes will in all probablity be slightly more spaced out than my kinder hordes.

Because I don't think I could have 18 kids between that ages of 3 and 5 all at once. Even with adotpion. So yeah, there are some things that are helpful, but some of the stuff is jsut completely different.

Plus, this is me we're talking about. Me! I can handle half a dozen kids of different ages NOW. When there your own, it's a whole lot easier (in some ways, not in all). After all, it's you who puts in. And, as Joab once said, when they're your own little monsters you can take them home and give them a spanking.

Sam-Is-Mad said...

And no blaming my quiverful DVDs for those nightmares. They are so much a product of my burnt Anne DVDs that it's not funny.

Hey, who do you htink we could get to watch a DVD? I think Amy would be funny. Any other ideas?

cheayee said...

Hello hello...
I got your contacts from Kevin Liew.. from Hope CHurch..

Yeah, I am doing childcare in Sydney. Yeah, and I do have lots of questions about chldcare in Victoria, as I know regulations vary from state to state.

Although I do think that motherhood could be one of the best things a woman could do, and not want to work, however, the decision of not wanting to work is a bit difficult.

What i meant was that with the rising costs of living and expenses, unless the man did earn enough, and the family could survive on the man's single paycheck, that would be fantastic.

But I guess its hard to say till one is actually married with kids to actually put that notion to the test.